What would you think of this situation?

[ckchsh]

A couple who have 2 children together split up.
Mum takes one child and moves many miles away.
Other child who is under 5 years old is left with father.
Nothing was planned and all happened within a few days.
Younger child misses mum and sibling.
Contact between them is very irregular and all on the mothers terms.

I would like to know what other people's think of this.

It’s a recipe for years of therapy for those kids, as one of my closest friends and I can testify, we were those kids.
What do you want to know?

@BuddhaAtSea

It’s a recipe for years of therapy for those kids, as one of my closest friends and I can testify, we were those kids. What do you want to know?

I agree with this. Those poor children.

My immediate thought would be 'how awful for the poor children. How could the mother do that?'
And then I'd be thinking 'actually, I wonder what drove the mother to do that. And is there anything I can do to help any of them?'

I would assume that I didn't know enough about the family to be able to say why they made a decision like that.

Initial thought is 'what the heck?' followed by 'why?' What are the circumstances that led to this arrangement?

I would think that sounds very sad for the children.

@ckchsh

A couple who have 2 children together split up. Mum takes one child and moves many miles away. Other child who is under 5 years old is left with father. Nothing was planned and all happened within a few days. Younger child misses mum and sibling. Contact between them is very irregular and all on the mothers terms.

I would like to know what other people's think of this.

I either know these people, or know a family in the same situation. It's horrible. Just a horrible thing to do.

Is the dad a stay at home parent? Maybe it was easier for childcare and continuity if the mother was moving for work and older child in school. Still very sad.

I can’t understand how it would be ok to split the siblings.

Bad enough for the kids to see the parents separate but why take away their sibling?

I’m thinking either mum just cherry picked a child who is ‘easier’ to look after, or dad refused to let her leave with both so she took one (although even in this situation I can’t see how that is anything other than abandonment- if it’s too bad for the mum then no child should be left there).

It just sounds a bit like the mum is treating the kids as pawns, and picking her favourite pet whilst forgetting these are real little human beings.

Outside of very extenuating and exceptional circumstances I have no sympathy for a parent who does that.

I think that without more information, it’s difficult to say anything more. On the face of it, not parents are not acting in best interest of the children. However, there could be many more facts, complicated scenario etc

Sounds sad, but it's quite unusual, so I would wonder why (assuming it was any of my business).

The father is my brother.

He was working full time and paid all bills from his wages. His ex has left with no job and just a small amount of money. My brother has had to go part time and can just about afford childcare fees for his dc.

He had no idea that she was leaving and misses his eldest so much. I believe my brother when he says he gave her no reason to leave. He's a good man.

Maybe his ex is mentally unwell? It doesn’t sound like something someone would choose to do when thinking rationally.

And, for clarity, I’d say that of either sex leaving with just one of the children, in effect abandoning the other.

Terrible.

What’s her reason for only taking one child? And the circumstances of her leaving? She’s not broken up with her partner, left her home and abandoned a child for nothing. Your brother must have an idea what’s going on.

If I was your brother I'd be following every legal avenue to have my child returned to me. Every single one.

Given you know them both, what did you think of her prior to this?

Why take one child and not both, or left both with the father.

I know someone who was the child in a similar situation
Parents split dad took one child mum took the other
He was very messed up.

is your brother definitely the father of the older child?

My aunt and uncle did this with my cousins. Uncle took boy, aunt took girl. Completely fucked those kids up, particularly their relationship with each other. To this day, my first thought when I think about this, is 'what the hell were you thinking?!' What I know they weren't thinking about, was the best interests of those poor wee kids.

@ckchsh

The father is my brother.

He was working full time and paid all bills from his wages. His ex has left with no job and just a small amount of money. My brother has had to go part time and can just about afford childcare fees for his dc.

He had no idea that she was leaving and misses his eldest so much. I believe my brother when he says he gave her no reason to leave. He's a good man.

Is she seeing someone else do you think? She must have had a reason to leave and if it's not internal i.e. the relationship with your brother then there must be an external reason. Wierd to take only one child though. Strange question, but is your brother definitely the father of both?

I think any parent who walks out on their children is monstrously selfish and lacking in empathy and emotional intelligence.

I think he needs to go to court about this. This is awful.