Help me do something with my life

[Billythecandlestickmaker]

I worked for 10 years+ in care. Gaining a couple of qualifications along the way.

Met my DP a few years ago and he convinced me to give up work due to how unhappy I was, said I would help him run his business. It didn't work out that way, and now I spend my days sat at home, getting more and more depressed.
I co-parent with an ex 50/50 but that means 50% of my life I'm not even a mother.
I have animals so look after them at home and do all housework etc.

But, I am a bright, reasonably intelligent woman who is getting more and more isolated and increasingly depressed. I spent more time doing nothing on my phone than I would like to admit.

Due to covid I had to start claiming benefits when we couldn't afford to pay the rent. Im hoping to get away from that soon, as DP work picks back up and we can start to repair the damage of covid.

I've never been to college or university, I have so much to give and I am desperate to "do something" with my time and so I can get back into work and be someone again. Im mid 30s and just rotting.

Thing is I don't have a clue what to do or how to do it. I need to be spending this time being productive, getting qualifications as high as possible and getting back out there - I could really be someone. I feel I could really do something.

At 16, when I left school I didnt know what I wanted to do and had no guidance (disabled parents- hence why I think I naturally fell into care), and i came from a deprived area, now in my mid 30s, I still am none the wiser.

I remember being told that we would see a careers advisor before we left school, I was so excited to hear what they might tell me. It never happened, I never got called up. I think because I was quiet, and generally well behaved, prehaps they thought I didn't need to be seen. Prehaps I just was missed.

I am sure I dont want to return to care.
I have great interest in nature, the natural world, environmental issues, gardening etc.
I watch documentaries on TV and all these people have wonderful job titles in science, nature, the universe and I think - how on earth did you find out about that job? How did you get there? Who told you about that?

Please wise-mumsnetters, help me find my way? Please try not not judge, I feel lost and helpless as it is. Ideally, I woukd love something I could get up in the morning, and switch my computer on and study. I could honestly spend so much time dedicated to my studies, I know I could go far quickly.

I've had a quick look at open university, but i can't afford those kind of fees - also I don't know what it is I actually need to do, to get a job that can be a career for me! At mid 30s, with nothing behind me, I feel like the biggest failure. I am no further forward than I was when I was 16, and still feel like that confused little girl with no support?

My day consists of animals, housework, eating and being on my phone/watching TV far too much. Even when I have my DS, the in-between school hours are exactly the same.
I cant continue wasting my life like this.

Apologies for the rambling post, but any advice?

Have you looked at how to get GCSEs or A levels locally?
Get fit. Everything is easier and it definitely builds your confidence if you are fit. Do anything, running, walking, yoga, pilates. You'll know when you feel fit.
The easiest locally is probably carer / nursing but I would try to avoid these as they might be easiest but they aren't what you want.

Would you consider a degree in other healthcare ? If you look on NHS careers for example, there are many career paths you could take and get grants etc, nursing, paramedic, podiatry, radiography, there is a few that you could choose from.

Good luck and for what’s it worth, I’m considering a job change and new degree at age of 40! There are many working years ahead

Ps. Just to add, I already do some volunteering- litterpicking etc, so unless helpful to a career please no "time filling" ideas, what I really want to achieve is a career, and earning my own money, in my own rights and giving myself some independence, and some self esteem back.
Thank you :)

If you haven't studied before might you be entitled to some grants to help fund further education?
If you are interested in horticulture look up RHS courses - National Trust take on gardening volunteers which would help you get experience and organisations like BTCV run training courses and volunteer groups.

I'm now a nurse but previously worked in conservation and, unless things have changed considerably, its a lot of networking, volunteering and getting your face known, getting practical experience and skills that then lead to paid opportunities.

OU can seem expensive, but there is financial support available and you can spread the cost and do it as part time as you need to.

If you were building up practical experience and volunteering (obviously once covid restrictions eased) whilst studying then you'd have your ear to the ground and get to know about any paid jobs coming up.

Good luck! I'd actually really like to get back into that type of work. I think the pay cut would be prohibitive now though for me - i should've stuck with it.

Cheering you on here. I am stuck in a well paid but mind numbing admin job after years of part time work to fit round kids and elderly family. I didn't have family interest/support to do a degree, could never go on work courses because of my work hours and would love up do something different but don't know what and find the prospect of making the leap paralysing. Have you thought of setting up your own business, doing dog walking, light gardening, care at home? My neighbour does this. She initially put leaflets round a well to do area and now has regular clients from word of mouth. This might help fund your studies once you decide what to do.

alison.com/occupations/agriculture-food-and-natural-resources. Try this website with career information and guidance. Lots of courses and qualifications. Best of luck.

You mentioned gardening - that is fairly easy to get into. Your local college may even offer courses with apprenticeships so you can get paid (a low amount) whilst learning.

I meant to say the courses are all free so you can try out anything you like.

This is just an example: www.nationaltrustjobs.org.uk/our-stories/Apprenticeships

What about veterinary nursing? There may be some introductory courses on animal welfare and an opportunity to move on from that

I know so many people who have retrained later in life (including myself 🙂). Good for you for wanting to do something for yourself.

Do any of the suggestions on here sound appealing? I know someone who retrained to be a midwife at the age of 50 (no previous medical experience ) and is spending the last 15 years of her working life doing what she'd always wanted to do. She loves it.

Don't let the years of training put you off. They soon pass by and you have your reward at the end of it.

My advice is to be ambitious. Anything worthwhile involves some work and personal sacrifice.

I watch documentaries on TV and all these people have wonderful job titles in science, nature, the universe and I think - how on earth did you find out about that job? How did you get there? Who told you about that?
In a lot of cases I think this is a bit of fluke. People do GCSEs, pick the subjects they're best at for A-Level (or equivalent), then do a degree in the one they are best at / like the most, and in my experience when embarking on university very few people knew what they wanted to do as a job unless it was something specific like teaching, law, nursing, medicine etc. The rest of us kind of "fell into" Graduate jobs and training schemes and whilst some have stayed others have changed route completely - I know someone with an engineering degree who's now a florist! A lot of people in science type jobs have gone down the research route and stayed in a university or similar environment.

nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/

This free service might help you decide what would suit you.

Almost no one affords the fees to study, they take out the loans they are entitled to.

Also don’t be fooled by wonderful job titles, I have ‘wonderful’ title at a ‘brilliant’ employer.
It’s utter crap and I’m urgently looking to get out.
Do what make you happy and stick with it. It’s not helpful advice - but something I wish I had been told.

In your shoes I would look for something that -uses skills you possess or enjoy using, has good progression, is in demand, offers the work/life balance you want. I'd start with 4-5 areas of interest, find out what the most popular jobs are in those areas, research them - what do they involve and do they meet your criteria of what you are looking for (this will discount some of them), then when you have a narrowed down list talk to people in those areas and get some work experience or shadowing/volunteering (even a day, a conversation with someone about what the do).

The ground work of research is the most important part to be honest, it might seem indulgent to do it, but no one else is going to do it for you. Careers advice was very patchy when I grew up, I think it's often luck, parental jobs/involvement, who you know, and of course hard grit and determination to want something better.

Btw I changed careers using this approach, I am just repeating the technique I used, no one told me this technique I was just creative about it and single minded!

Thank you to all who have responded to me! Lots of support and food for thought here.

In relation to a PP saying to get out loans for education, I am just coming out of bankruptcy- unfortunately, my "supporting DP business" really meant financing it, until he ruined my savings and finances (leaving his in tact) so I've had to pick up the pieces. Another reason why I am desperate to find, and fund, my own way out - and get to a place where I'm doing something I love, and earning my own money. I depend on universal credit right now, but as covid restrictions lift and DP returns to work - our financial situation will be largely down to him again with me having no income of my own.

I don't want to derail my own thread by going into why I am in this situation, but it does shed some light as to why progression and finding myself work is so important to me.

If I've been in bankruptcy, would that effect my chances of getting funding to learn? I'm guessing so.

Thank you PP who have shared links to websites etc, im going to look into them all now.

Thank you to all who share thier thoughts and experiences of work and further education, every reply so far has given me some information, ideas or just a bit confidence to move forward!

I also have a family who are very much negative.... "you can't do that/you won't be able to do that/you won't keep it up" .. it ruins your confidence and really brings you down.

I want to stand up and say, I told you I could.
I just need to find out, how.

Hello,
I just wanted to come and write a little update, because of the ideas and support on this thread - I officially start a Horticultural course later this month!
I just want to thank everyone who replied and gave me that push, access to great ideas and advice.
I cant quite believe that somehow I've managed to get somewhere with it.
Hopefully I will enjoy it and it'll be the start of a new chapter for me!

If this turns out to be something special, I will look into doing the RHS qualifications in the future, so thank you to the posters who pointed me in that direction, also.

@Billythecandlestickmaker Congratulations and good luck! Enjoy every minute of your new career!