Things teenagers should be able to do?

[KevinBaconsMoustache]

Am shortly going to be 'fostering' a YA careleaver. The idea is that they will come at 16 and stay, then be supported over the next few years to then move to live independently. Many moons back I saw, but didn't pay much attention to, a thread about what teenagers should know/be able to do before leaving home and thought it would be good to work towards. Can't remember the thread or find it though. Can anyone else please

General - Be able to use a washing machine
Be able to cook basic meals
Understand and use Train and Bus timetables.
Check they can ride a bike and swim.
Be able to use a word processor, a spreadsheet, the internet.
Write a letter for a job application.

Sex – Understand how Male and Female bodies work
Understand how contraception works.
Understand Personal boundaries.
Be able to say, ‘No’.
(All too often it’s assumed that young people ‘know’ but if they have been passed from pillar to post in care there is a very good chance there’ll be some facts missing. Youngsters are often reluctant to ask about personal issues. If something has never been mentioned or discussed they’re not going to know.)

PSHE and Citizenship - I would go through this list.

After 18 perhaps -

• Have and use Bank account – D/Ds, S/Os and on-line banking.
• Have and use Credit card
• Start driving lessons perhaps
• Be able to check fluid levels in cars and top up tyre pressures
• Bump start a vehicle
• Know how a Pension works

There must be loads of others.

I think you’re a real star for doing this - thanks

I’d have thought most of the things you can do at home!

Pp is a great list. In terms of in the house I would start with them being able to care for themselves at home so:

Manage a budget for food shopping
Have some basic cooking skills which are also cost effective
Basic first aid for accidents when cooking or around the house
Washing, drying and caring for clothes including sewing on a button
Changing a bed, some basic cleaning tips.
What to do in various household emergencies such as to turn the stopcock off or go to the fusebox, what to do with a flaming pan or you smell gas etc.

I would then extend the financial element, so online banking, managing an entire budget, paying bills. Get them having a phone contract and shopping around for the best deal. Make sure they aren’t scared to phone customer services and query things or fill out forms, same with asking for help in a shop (have seen both be a problem for YAs).

Ensure they understand the services of a home so rates bills, home insurance, having a boiler serviced. All the boring stuff that they may have not seen happen because of their previous living situation.

Car maintenance, public transport and things like getting a passport probably depend on personal circumstances but all handy to know. Similarly some basic DIY like hanging a picture, put together some flat pack furniture, paint a wall and some woodwork, change a bulb and fuse.

If you have a pet, caring and being responsible for a pet is always a good life lesson.

How about making a list of all the unusual tasks you do over the next month and passing those on? Sounds like a lovely thing to do though!

Know that they need to soak their dishwashing cloths etc in bleach/disinfectant regularly .

Know that they need to soak their dishwashing cloths etc in bleach/disinfectant regularly

Really? Why?

I’ve nothing to add, pp’s seem to have a good list. How about asking what they think they need or want to learn?

You might want to go back to basics- my brother who was in the RAF was surprised at how few young men understood about personal hygiene (mum ran baths ); so may not understand skin/hair care or know how to access this... I am hopeful that DS will take an interest in the washing machine but will settle for him showering and washing unprompted. I think caring skills; asking someone how they are/taking an interest/buying cards & gifts (looks at DS with disappointment). Critical skills - using internet and social media safely.

Cooking, cleaning, managing bills, budgeting etc

How to look things up on the internet. They may not want to admit they dont know things but discovering that there are simple instructions on the internet for the most basic of things will assure them they aren't the only one.

Cook a three course meal
Read a map
Unblock a lav
Do a supermarket shop
Budget and save money
Make a telephone enquiry
Write a CV
Pack a suitcase
Alert emergency services
Basic first aid

Oh yes, how to hold a conversation, look someone in the eye (where appropriate) and shake hands.

It's a good thing you are doing op

How to make your own doctors appointment
Cooking
Tidying/cleaning up
Making a brew (I never learnt this with two parents who don't like hot drinks and it shocks people in the office!!)
Caring for a pet
Sexual health/safety
Healthy relationships
Self care & hygiene
Driving
Applying for work
Money management

Get themselves up on time (may require support and patience)
Join a gym
Change fire alarm battery, importance of having one

Sex – Understand how Male and Female bodies work
Understand how contraception works.
Understand Personal boundaries.
Be able to say, ‘No’.
(All too often it’s assumed that young people ‘know’ but if they have been passed from pillar to post in care there is a very good chance there’ll be some facts missing. Youngsters are often reluctant to ask about personal issues. If something has never been mentioned or discussed they’re not going to know.)

And, learn about Romance. Very much missing.

Learn how to ask for support and how to look after their mental health

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1806578-Life-skills-for-teenagers-what-have-I-forgotten?

This has been an open tab on my phone for years

What to do in case of a fire. I.e don't chuck water on a frying pan kind of thing.

Thanks everyone!

I work with care leavers transitioning them to independence. The one thing that seperates the ones that thrive and the ones who aren't able to is friendship. Care leavers with good social networks and friends do a lot better in every aspect then ones who don't. It's really hard for ones who have been moved around a lot and out of county to have solid friendships. If I went into fostering I would spend my time building them friendships that will outlast you.

Also - looked after children may have never been looked after and nurtured. Teaching them independence in an inter-dependent way is really important. A lot of my case load may act like they don't need help with anything but all they really want is to be loved and nurtured.

Our longest term foster child came to us at fifteen. He was very different to our birth children at fifteen. They had numerous accomplishments that he’d never heard of of had opportunity to learn. He was a very angry young man who had to be taken back a few developmental stages in order to integrate into adulthood successfully.

He could strip an engine and rebuild it but couldn’t read. He could blow smoke rings but couldn’t cook. He could open any car door and drive off road but couldn’t entertain himself without getting into trouble. He knew the PACE caution off by heart but couldn’t write a shopping list.

We bought a cat for him to learn to care, we taught him to read. We ran baths with nice smelliest and taught him a less ‘yobby’ way of dressing. We taught him to sit at a table and enjoy the company of others. We built on his engineering skills by rewarding him with remote control car kits. We encouraged healthy friendships and took them camping. We guided him away from his previous life but maintained some links with his past.

I think you can’t necessarily expect children leaving care to have the same skill sets as most other teenagers. That would be unrealistic. I think the point about supporting communication and helping them build appropriate networks is very insightful and far more important than knowing how to sort laundry.

Most teenagers can do most adult tasks but often have dodgy decision making skills and are inconsequential because they lack experience. Children leaving care are still children but may not have had same opportunities to develop acceptable norms.

Find an explorer scout group or ranger(guide)for them to join. Really good for friendships,fun and learning life skills.

Ask them? Might seem silly but there you go.

What you are doing is excellent and I hope you are able to be as supportive to the young person concerned as you can.

Ironing is the only one I can't see above I would add to the list.

Shinesun14 and LemonRoses
I find your posts eloquent and rather moving.
Well done you.

Yes Dan, I agree

@Shinesun14 can I ask for any suggestions that you've found that work best for helping to build those networks with the upper age groups with YA who are in a different/new area? At 17/18 they're too old for scouts and some youth clubs and if not into sports or hobbies yet it would be good to have some ideas to potentially guide towards.

@KevinBaconsMoustache

I would start with social skills, being confident to order food in different places and building confidence by going to places like go ape or surfing ect before chucking them in the deep end.

Find what's going on for care leavers in your local area. Lots of LAs have children in care councils and youth clubs/drop ins specifically for those leaving care or care leavers.

Explore with them what they like doing and concentrate on social skills and why having networks is important. Luckily most LAs are generally generous with paying for activities and creating those links and having incentives such as buying a decent bike if they get into bmx ing or boxing gear ect.

I don't know whats in your local area but mine has build a bike schemes, bmx tracks, wellness boxing courses, plus groups and activities specifically for care leavers.

I’ve nothing to add, pp’s seem to have a good list. How about asking what they think they need or want to learn? The trouble with that is, they may not know what they don't know (iykwim) If you've never come across something, it wouldn't occur to you to learn how to do it.