DD and Behaviour

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 2021-03-16T08:14:03+00:00

I posted this over in primary but only got one response and need a few more so reposting here. DD is 6, Year 2 Precovid school described her as: happy, shy of strangers but a chatter box when you got to know her. She was academically behind but has some additional needs (hearing, eyesight and motor delay issues which also cause problems with walking and running, as well as some facial deformities which cause speech issues) but she was well managed at school, had loads of friends and was generally happy. She absolutely loved school despite struggling. Now she’s back at school I’m getting called daily. Incidences include; her throwing things – not at anyone just at the ground but it’s sometimes hit another child, refusing to do her work, encouraging her friends to talk during class, drawing on the walls in the toilets etc. She now absolutely hates it, we battle to get her in every morning. She can’t verbalise exactly what she hates. She’s coming home and then having violent meltdowns where I get hit and kicked, mornings she can take over an hour to walk the half a mile to school. She missed half of November and all of December due to medical treatment so she’s now spent more time at home in the last year than she has at school so it’s no wonder she’s struggling. But school and myself are keen to help her resettle. Any ideas? School have said her behaviour at the moment isn’t dangerous and it more silly at the moment but I am worried she’ll get worse and become violent. I just want her to resettle and feel as happy as she was before. Home situation in case it helps; I’m a single parent, ExH has DD EO Saturday atm but in normal times has her overnight at his parents.

DownWhichOfLate · 16/03/2021 09:00

Are you working? Would you be able to accommodate a phased return? See if she can manage just until first break every morning? It’s a huge jump for some children to return full time immediately. Does she have a specific best friend and can she sit with them?

TeenMinusTests · 16/03/2021 09:20

Could she be feeling even more behind and different?

Would spending some time in Reception to 'help the little ones' be helpful (if it is allowed due to bubbles of course).

I would also look at part time if you can accommodate it.

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 09:23

I work but am furloughed until next week then wfh 3 days and back 2 days but work won't really want a 6 year old in the background. Although they'd possibly be ok with it for a short while, I've been furloughed since January but was on parental leave for 2 months before that due to her treatment and recovery.

She can't leave her bubble unfortunately.

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DownWhichOfLate · 16/03/2021 09:40

Do the teachers now wear masks? If so, is she struggling to understand? Has she been moved from her friendship groups? Have routines in school changed? (Hurriedly shouting out ideas in the hope something might help!)

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 09:45

@DownWhichOfLate

Do the teachers now wear masks? If so, is she struggling to understand? Has she been moved from her friendship groups? Have routines in school changed? (Hurriedly shouting out ideas in the hope something might help!)

Teachers wear masks when moving around school but not in classrooms.

They've been sat in rows since September return, I'm not 100% sure where she sits in class I can ask and find out as she might be struggling to hear (her eyesight means she needs to be further away).

School routines are the same as far as I know, only slight difference is TA is now covering PPA time and not the HLTA as the HLTA left at Christmas.

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FireBelliedToad · 16/03/2021 09:48

Can you ask her in a roundabout way.
Play teacher with her toys.
What would she change if she was head for the day.

As op said, if she has hearing issues and the teacher is wearing a mask she might not understand half of what is going on. Could they implement visual clues to what they're doing e.g. the teacher puts a picture of a book on the board for reading etc.
Can she have a piece of paper extra for her to draw on during lessons.
The change back to uniform, does something not fit?

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 09:50

@FireBelliedToad

Can you ask her in a roundabout way. Play teacher with her toys. What would she change if she was head for the day.

As op said, if she has hearing issues and the teacher is wearing a mask she might not understand half of what is going on. Could they implement visual clues to what they're doing e.g. the teacher puts a picture of a book on the board for reading etc.
Can she have a piece of paper extra for her to draw on during lessons.
The change back to uniform, does something not fit?

Teachers don't wear masks in classrooms only when moving around school so in corridors, on the playground etc.

Uniform all fits and she only has to wear it 3x a week at the moment (2 days a week their in PE kit). She has always hated uniform, I've never found anything she is happy to wear so it could be that. She loves the PE uniform though.

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LastTrainToTrancentral · 16/03/2021 09:50

Well you know what they say....behaviour is communication. So you & school need to get to the bottom of what is going on for her. She's clearly finding school very difficult.
Has she ever been assessed by an educational psychologist re: her additional needs? Do you think she needs more support in class?

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 09:54

@LastTrainToTrancentral

Well you know what they say....behaviour is communication. So you & school need to get to the bottom of what is going on for her. She's clearly finding school very difficult. Has she ever been assessed by an educational psychologist re: her additional needs? Do you think she needs more support in class?

We're going through EHCP process atm, but it's unlikely it'll be completed this year as school won't allow external visitors so the EP can't go in until September at the earliest.

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TeenMinusTests · 16/03/2021 09:56

Would they let her wear PE kit every day? (reasonable adjustment and all that)

LastTrainToTrancentral · 16/03/2021 09:57

I'm not sure that is legal OP, I would seriously query that with the LA. There is a 20 week timescale for EHCP, and their legal obligation hasn't been suspended (unlike in the 1st lockdown). Ed psych may be able to visit her at home, or some other work around.

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 10:03

@LastTrainToTrancentral

I'm not sure that is legal OP, I would seriously query that with the LA. There is a 20 week timescale for EHCP, and their legal obligation hasn't been suspended (unlike in the 1st lockdown). Ed psych may be able to visit her at home, or some other work around.

Thank you I'll ask about that

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minipie · 16/03/2021 10:12

Two possibilities that occur to me

tiredness - going back to school after not being used to it can be very tiring - and especially after lockdown when we haven’t been doing much. Do the problem behaviours happen more towards the end of the day?
Is she perhaps becoming more aware of her differences/difficulties? Possibly another child is being unkind or even just being tactless about her being behind or her facial differences? My DD has cerebral palsy and became very much more aware of it (and angry about it) at this sort of age.

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 10:18

@minipie

Two possibilities that occur to me

tiredness - going back to school after not being used to it can be very tiring - and especially after lockdown when we haven’t been doing much. Do the problem behaviours happen more towards the end of the day?
Is she perhaps becoming more aware of her differences/difficulties? Possibly another child is being unkind or even just being tactless about her being behind or her facial differences? My DD has cerebral palsy and became very much more aware of it (and angry about it) at this sort of age.

Phonecalls seem to be just after lunch around 1.30-2pm so you could be right about tiredness.

A lot of the children she's with went to Nursery with her but I will check someones not making comments to her thank you thats a good idea.

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DownWhichOfLate · 16/03/2021 10:23

If the phone calls are just after lunch it might be some of the playground behaviour that is upsetting her. Lunchtime supervisors aren’t always able to monitor all the children with them running around. Can they be asked to keep an eye on your daughter for a few days to see if anything is happening to upset her? Maybe some of the play has changed and she can’t keep up. It’s hard to work out when they are this young!

minipie · 16/03/2021 10:34

Ah DD always found the lunchtime playtime the hardest bit of the day, especially at that age when the games are quite physical and their social skills aren’t well developed. That’s often when she had outbursts.

Does your school have a “quiet corner” at playtime? Our school set one up due to issues DD (and a few others) were having. It definitely did help.

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 10:40

@minipie

Ah DD always found the lunchtime playtime the hardest bit of the day, especially at that age when the games are quite physical and their social skills aren’t well developed. That’s often when she had outbursts.

Does your school have a “quiet corner” at playtime? Our school set one up due to issues DD (and a few others) were having. It definitely did help.

They don't I don't think, it's only her class on the playground at the moment due to the restrictions so now seems a good time to tackle it before they go back to having the entirety of KS1 out there at the same time.

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minipie · 16/03/2021 10:52

It’s worth suggesting, I think quite a lot of schools do it - just a corner for quiet play maybe with some colouring sheets etc.

DD was also allowed to go into the SENCO’s office at playtime if she felt exhausted or like she couldn’t calm down - but that may be tricky with covid rules.

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 16:27

Had a slightly better day today, still a lot of talking while the teacher is and a bit of drawing where she shouldn't but no throwing and much less encouraging friends. So hopefully she's settling back down.

School have agreed not to use their behaviour chart on her unless behaviour is dangerous just while she resettles as she's been out of school almost 4 months.

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GeorgeandHarold66 · 16/03/2021 18:06

How much work was she able to get done on lockdown? What are her levels now compared to the rest of the class and are they setting her different work or the same work as everybody else?

In September the emphasis was firmly on nurture and supporting social and emotional needs during the return to school. Now, we seem to have hit the ground running with literacy and maths catch up work. I wonder if the work they're giving her is too hard and/or there's too much of it..... is there any way of finding out?

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 16/03/2021 19:46

@GeorgeandHarold66

How much work was she able to get done on lockdown? What are her levels now compared to the rest of the class and are they setting her different work or the same work as everybody else?

In September the emphasis was firmly on nurture and supporting social and emotional needs during the return to school. Now, we seem to have hit the ground running with literacy and maths catch up work. I wonder if the work they're giving her is too hard and/or there's too much of it..... is there any way of finding out?

School won't tell me what level she's at compared to the other children, they've said they don't compare. They can't even tell me if she's getting different work to the rest of the class due to confidentiality. I respect that though as it's no-one else's business what my child is doing workwise. DD herself doesn't seem to know if she has different work as they're all in tables with 1 person per table and 2 tables per row spread out so she can't see (school are thankfully undersubscribed in her year so only have 22 in her class)

During lockdown we got 1-2 tasks a day done but really struggled with certain things, I thought it was the way I was explaining things though and her teacher told me not to worry too much about it.

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GeorgeandHarold66 · 16/03/2021 21:17

I completely understand why they can't tell you about other children, but my concern would be that teachers are hugely under a lot of pressure to "close the gaps" and this pressure is sadly getting passed down to children who are already struggling to adjust to school again.

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 17/03/2021 16:03

@GeorgeandHarold66

I completely understand why they can't tell you about other children, but my concern would be that teachers are hugely under a lot of pressure to "close the gaps" and this pressure is sadly getting passed down to children who are already struggling to adjust to school again.

I think your right about this, had another call today. This time was about 10 minutes before I left to pick her up; she and a friend had filled the sinks in the toilets with water until they overflowed. No damage done but it's getting worse not better.

Teacher says they're just moving on with work from the lockdown to get them ready for the SATs. Sounds like anything she's not understood or missed is just being ignored, so it's no wonder she's struggling with school.

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GeorgeandHarold66 · 17/03/2021 18:41

Could you request a visit from an outreach teacher for her? If they're struggling with her behaviour then they might be open to different solutions.
An outreach teacher will help them to plan specific interventions and adaptations to class work to build in success.

Original poster

WoddleWoddleMyBelly · 17/03/2021 21:44

@GeorgeandHarold66

Could you request a visit from an outreach teacher for her? If they're struggling with her behaviour then they might be open to different solutions. An outreach teacher will help them to plan specific interventions and adaptations to class work to build in success.

They've said no external visitors at all, they're not even having supply teachers in to cover sickness they're making do.

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