Help with extreme fussy eater now refusing food

[Fussyeaternightmare]

We’re at crisis point with our 6yo dd and not sure where to turn next. She’s always been a fussy eater right from the get go. I’m convinced that her awful reflux as a baby which was initially dismissed by hcp and finally medicated for when she was a couple of mo the old has damaged her relationship with food / eating.

She has a very restricted diet and has always been very light for her age. She was on the 5th percentile when born (she’s a twin so this was normal and actually a good birth weight for a twin) but she’s slipped further and further down. Couldn’t tell you what she weighs at the minute exactly as we don’t want to worry her by weighing but although she’s a normal height for her age she’s extremely slight of build. I have to take trousers in for them to stay up on her.

She’s getting worse though and recently has stopped eating much of the limited things that were on the list of safe food. She has always been offered incredibly strong willed and this has become a total battle ground. We’ve tried everything... I even grew out own bloody vegetables last year in raised beds to get her involved. I’ve tried cooking with her, which she’ll do and then when it comes out of the oven just say she made it for daddy to eat. We’ve done reward charts which don’t work, and family feasts with loads of stuff on the table, doesn’t work.. She’ll eats chocolate and ice cream which no issue at all, but any actual food other than a very short and ever diminishing list is extremely difficult.

Who can we turn to? GP has been consistently crap and offered to refer us to a dietician but we’ve just been given healthy eating bloody info sheets... not the point at all. I’ve approached the school who basically said they can’t help or offer us anyone through the educational system who can help. I’m starting to think she needs a child psychologist or similar to help her through whatever issues she might have. Has anyone had similar and found a course of action or route through a professional that helped?

Also before anyone says it’s just a phase and she’ll grow out of it, please don’t, it’s not a phase... there is something going on that we’ve been trying to deal with for years and hasn’t improved, only worsened. We’ve had a really rough day with her lunch coming back virtually intact and she refused to eat at dinner so I’m really beside myself.

No advice, but I’m following with interest - DD has an approved list of beige foods that she’ll eat, otherwise she won’t eat. I was hoping it was a phase (my DTs are only 3!) and her brother will try nearly everything. DD does have an egg allergy and had a reaction to egg before she could speak/we knew, so I’ve been thinking that’s where the safe list stems from, but I don’t know. I’d love to be able to get her to eat vegetables!

Would she be interested in a child's version of My Fitness Pal type chart where she earns rewards for meeting her protein goal, her carbs goal etc? Or if her brother was meeting his and getting rewards would it motivate her?

How is she eating with friends? Going to a friends house for tea? Or going to McDonalds with a group of friends?

Thanks all, feels better just to say it all out loud (well type it) and know that we’re not alone

@dancemom she’s obsessed with horses and we started a horse chart for her two years ago, the goal was for her to get ten stars for trying new food and we’d get her horse riding lessons... That was two years ago and she’s got a grand total of 3 stars... and before you get too excited one of them was for trying her cheese ON her pancake 🙄🙄🙄

Sounds a bit like my ds. TBO a fair bit healthier too.

We went to see paediatricIan plus dietician. To see if there was anything physical. Was very reassuring. Well worth it.

There is a difference between a fussy eater and an extreme eater. It's stressful.

Best advice I got was that food is normal. Not to make it an issue. Let him eat his food but keep offering new food bit at a time. No pressure.

We have gone from 6 food items to around 20 now. Most do slowly widen their horizons. So I keep telling myself!

I cant help with the food side, but my "eats like a horse" 11 year old, is on completly healthy centiles of between 6 and 15%. Buying clothes is a nightmare. He is on M&S extra long trousers, aged about 8, with the adjusted waist pulled right in. He prefers shorts, and is currently wearing aged 6, I believe. In short, current kids clothing is not cut for slim kids. Yes, your daughter may be struggling with food, and it needs looking into, but dont put too much worry into how much the clothes dont fit - they are not designed for lots of kids.

@YellowDaffidols

I cant help with the food side, but my "eats like a horse" 11 year old, is on completly healthy centiles of between 6 and 15%. Buying clothes is a nightmare. He is on M&S extra long trousers, aged about 8, with the adjusted waist pulled right in. He prefers shorts, and is currently wearing aged 6, I believe. In short, current kids clothing is not cut for slim kids. Yes, your daughter may be struggling with food, and it needs looking into, but dont put too much worry into how much the clothes dont fit - they are not designed for lots of kids.

Yy to this. I could get two of mine in some. Supermarket clothes are particularly bad.

Slim fit gap or next slim fit are the best I have found.

My 4 year and is extremely fussy too OP. I have two older children who will eat anything which reassures me it isn't anything I've done! Mine has reflux as a baby and toddler too so I wonder if that is related. The worst thing is when they drop one of their safe foods overnight isn't it? Like they'll love it one day, the next day no, and then never again. I worry mine will end up with nothing left, and it's the healthier things he will drop.

It does sound very much like arfid. Ds has it, his is severe enough he is now tube fed (we had had periods of days with literally no oral intake)

I would avoid battle of wills. She will win every time! Remember calories in is much more important than variety.

that is quite a lot and quite varied compared to some autistic children I have heard of. Don't panic. the advice was to them just to go for calories.

From a purely 'getting calories and vitamins' into her perspective have you tried giving her a daily Complan drink? Or something similar. The choc is delicious. Would she take it? Would she take it if you froze it and called it choc ice cream??

One of my 4 was particularly fussy between ages 4ish to 9 ish and we started to give her complan every day right after school just so we felt she had something extra in her. (It didn't effect her appetite for her dinner one way or another. We would eat 3/4 hours later).

I spotted that a poster upthread suggested slimfast. As an occasional user of slimfast (to diet) i wouldn't actually recommend that. Although it tastes nice and does have vitamins, personally it always makes me wee A LOT more than usual and can lead to constipation if i don't up my water intake. These are things which your DD can do without - better to go with proper 'build you up' drinks :)

Good luck.
My fussy DD is now 23 and is perfectly normal re: food :)

Yes my daughter was down to 8 foods in total at one point. 8. It was almost impossible to take her anywhere. I cried a LOT.

Can i just add that my aforementioned very fussy DD would only eat baked beans, egg, toast, ham or yogurt. For years! And yes, it had to be the right brands.

Food is so emotive

You need to take the emotion away- easier said than done.

The retching at the table is unacceptable and should be dealt with separate to the food. It's rude and disgusting for everyone else and at 6 she should know that.

There is a lovely Facebook blog where they have a young autistic boy who is trying one new thing a day. They work on the list together, it's quite uplifting to watch.

Have you watched old episodes of super nanny and the house of tiny tearaways where they deal with food as a specific issue?

Your child is eating, she's eating a fairly balanced if ridged diet so it isn't all bad.
There are fruits and veg in her diet.

We haven't done reward charts. There is no reward for eating. It's a normal thing to do.

I understand the concerns about low centile. Is she growing out of clothes?

I would ask to be referred. To rule out anything treatable. We were never given diet sheets but were given tips on how to handle it, how to present food, how to enable a healthy relationship with food.

It's really hard, you have my full sympathy.

Sounds very much like my younger brother, as a child he ate a very limited range of food, cheese, chips, roast beef or chicken, Yorkshire puddings, mashed potatoes, cheese sandwiches, certain makes of crisps & fish fingers. He isn't much better now age 49, still doesn't eat vegetables, lives mainly on pasta & other carbs, he is massively overweight, does the cooking for his wife & family so he gets to cook foods he likes. My mum suspects that he is autistic like me but he has never thought about asking for a diagnosis, he was a premature baby, weighed less that 4lbs at birth, had feeding problems, suffered from severe allergies & had very bad eczema & asthma as a child.

Hi havent read all replies but I'd not sensory and more of a control thing- ie eats certain brands, will eat junk- chocolate biscuit ice cream etc as you mention I would say it's not a physical health issue. Do you often talk about food with in front of her? Demand to see what shes eaten? My advice is to ease off- no talk of food, put a small portion of what she likes in front of her, if she chooses not to eat leave it for 1 hour then bin. No chocolate biscuits and ice cream at all if shes not eating proper food. Reduce packed lunch and no biscuits! Shes using it as a control. Does she get all the attention at the table /mealtimes/after school as you discuss/beg her to eat? Shift the focus to other child and other things. Keep it continuous for a few days week and see how it's gone. She shouldn't know what packet the peas are in etc, just put on plate she can eat or not eat. Try eating as a picnic on floor if the table is a stressful place, eat in front of telly as a treat! Take her control away and see if it helps. Goodluck.

My ds has an extremely restricted diet.
He will eat the same breakfast/lunch/tea everyday for weeks and then switch to a different one of his limited list. He finds it very difficult to eat with us, barely eats at school. He also has severe reflux.
He is under a dietician, but refuses all the fortified foods.
She also has invisible and tasteless vitamins that we sprinkle over her breakfast did nutrition.
I'd love to know what they are @Daisychainsandglitter ....I think we've tried every vitamin out there and ds has detected every one!

I know it’s hard, but try to reduce your anxiety around this. Keep things relaxed & low key. She may be sensing her behaviour is getting her extra attention.

However, I would strongly nip the retching noises & drama at the table in the bud. That’s unacceptable and putting everyone else off their food.

If her twin has been diagnosed as a coeliac, might she also be?
Worth having a conversation with his dietician.

DD was under a paediatrician, I was told to let her eat what she will eat as the intake was the most important thing, she would rather be hungry than eat the wrong thing and if she stops eating it’s even harder to get her going again. From what you have said of what she will eat I would go with that, if she won’t eat the wrap I would just do cheese and pepper. DD’s school have a very strict snack policy but don’t apply it to DD as they know the history (and to be frank, she needs calories, an apple at snack time doesn’t really cut it there), she was prepared to have fridge raiders and breadsticks but apparently not anymore!
I’ve concentrated on ensuring she eats rather than what it is, she has broadened what she will eat, but things regularly get bumped off the list.
I doubt you will get anywhere with CAHMS tbh.

That sounds so stressful for you 💐.

My eldest dd 7 is the exact same . She doesn't eat meat which is fine but only eats small
Portions of fruit,veg a day maby a yoghurt . Wont eat a proper meal but would graze on fruit and junk all day if I let her.

Her list of safe foods is becoming smaller every meal time eg made pasta bake tonight minus the usual chicken throughout it and garlic bread which is usually her favourite she barley touched it said pasta isn't good for you either is bread.

She's very tall but she is quite heavy around 5.5stone ish not weighed since she broke her arm at Xmas .

I just put out what I have made and during day I ask for suggestions for dinner etc
I do not force her to eat something if she doesn't like and will make something simple that I know she will eat.

Hope it gets easier for you soon x

My son was the same, someone on here suggested a book 'extreme fussy eaters' which i found really helpful. In your instance i think you need outside help, a behaviour therapist maybe. But from a weight perspective I'd give her lots of icecream when you're having icecream. It's obviously very high in calories so the best bang for your buck in terms of her putting on a bit of weight.

Sounds like ARFID - check out DR FELIX www.felixeconomakis.com/