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Original poster

Neighbours - facebook etiquette?

14 replies

seren2020 · 13/03/2021 18:45

Hi, first of all I apologise for how pointless this question may be but I have anxiety and possible autism, plus I'm not much of a facebook person so I don't really understand the etiquette, if there is any.

I have a neighbour two doors down who me and my partner speak to (I'm engaged, the neighbour is married), the neighbour has lent us stuff, sends my children a card for their birthday, etc. He's a nice, friendly guy.

Anyway, he has friend requested me a couple of times on facebook and each time I declined as.. well, as I say, I'm not much of a facebook person. Only really use it to stay in touch with my mum and for work.

Today I realised that my neighbour hasn't spoken to me much since I declined his FR; it could be my imagination but he seems to just act a bit.. embarrassed when we are both out in the garden. So anyway long story short, I messaged him earlier, made up an excuse as to why I had declined the request and sent him a new fr which he accepted.

Now what?

I actually wouldn't mind having a messenger chat every now and again as he is quite a friendly, funny guy.

I dont know whether he originally requested me just to have loads of friends on his facebook or whether he has more if an interest in becoming more friendly with me and my partner. How do I find out?

If it makes any difference, me and partner are in our 40s, neighbour is early 60s (but fit and young acting).

OP posts:
Outbutnotoutout · 13/03/2021 18:48

As long as he added your partner too..
Or is he going to use it to hit on you

OppsUpsSide · 13/03/2021 18:49

I think you are hugely over thinking it, lots of people add people on FB and never once DM each other.

NeverMetANiceOne · 13/03/2021 18:50

I don't think you really need to do anything, carry on chatting as before and if you need to contact him about anything more pressing you can now message him through Facebook.

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buckeejit · 13/03/2021 18:50

Don't worry about it. If you're concerned, say your partner uses your fb account sometimes but you only really use it for your mum

Suzi888 · 13/03/2021 18:51

@OppsUpsSide

I think you are hugely over thinking it, lots of people add people on FB and never once DM each other.
Agree with this.
Original poster
seren2020 · 13/03/2021 18:54

Yeah, I'm not really into that though - adding and never speaking, I mean.

I'd happily messenger chat him every now and again, but to have fb friends you never speak to seems pointless to me.

I'm the type of person that has deleted people from fb before because they never message, like my posts or otherwise engage with me at all...

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 13/03/2021 18:57

@OppsUpsSide

I think you are hugely over thinking it, lots of people add people on FB and never once DM each other.
Agree

But in the future, if I have people who I have a friend request from but see in real life and don’t want to accept (ie a colleague) I don’t decline or accept - it just hangs there on “requested” forever. No one has ever asked me and if they did I’d just say I don’t use Facebook enough to have noticed it

Original poster
seren2020 · 13/03/2021 19:01

No don't get me wrong, I originally sent the request as I had felt bad for declining his previous ones, but I actually would like to message him every now and again, banter a bit etc.

Just not sure how to go about it

OP posts:
RandomUsernameHere · 13/03/2021 19:01

Agree you are probably over thinking it, provided he also added your partner. Some people add literally everyone on FB the first time they meet them and have thousands of friends. You can always stay friends but restrict him if you're worried about privacy.

Notaroadrunner · 13/03/2021 19:02

@seren2020

Yeah, I'm not really into that though - adding and never speaking, I mean.

I'd happily messenger chat him every now and again, but to have fb friends you never speak to seems pointless to me.

I'm the type of person that has deleted people from fb before because they never message, like my posts or otherwise engage with me at all...

I rarely get messages on messenger and would rarely message anyone. I have friends on fb and see the posts they share. I may or may not like/comment. That's the extent of it. I certainly wouldn't be getting into any chats with my male neighbour from a couple of doors down who I would see out and about. I'd chat to him on the street if I saw him. Is your Dh on fb and if so has this man sent him a friend request? If your Dh is on fb and hasn't received a request then I'd be wary of why.
en0la · 13/03/2021 19:04

@seren2020

No don't get me wrong, I originally sent the request as I had felt bad for declining his previous ones, but I actually would like to message him every now and again, banter a bit etc.

Just not sure how to go about it

That sounds like something you should leave well alone. He's married, you are engaged.
sunnydaleslayer · 13/03/2021 19:36

That sounds like something you should leave well alone. He's married, you are engaged.

So you're saying you can't message someone as friends if you're in a relationship?

NerrSnerr · 13/03/2021 19:43

I think you're overthinking it. I'm FB friends with my neighbour, we only message about practical stuff like taking parcels in and warnings that door to door sales people are on their way.

It sounds like you want to be closer friends with him though if you want banter over private message?

en0la · 13/03/2021 21:19

@sunnydaleslayer

That sounds like something you should leave well alone. He's married, you are engaged.

So you're saying you can't message someone as friends if you're in a relationship?

No, but op sounds like she wants more then that with the 'banter'
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