How to divide up housework of one of you is working and one isn't.

[binkymcbinks]

DH is currently not working. I work 4 days, 9-5 (out of the house 8.30-6 usually). Full on job in the NHS.

We're both, for various reasons, awful at housework. Pre lockdown we had a cleaner.
He's a decent cook and will cook dinner most nights. Meals aren't an issue.

Kids have gone back to school so he's free from 9-3.20 each day with no tasks that he NEEDS to do. Shopping is done online and delivered.

In this situation, how would you expect household duties to be divvied up?

He should do all the housework during the week. You should split it at weekends.

There's four categories of tasks involved in running a home :

• daily stuff such as laundry, cooking, clearing up after cooking, keeping car maintained and fuelled, rubbish and recycling, school admin, wiping down kitchen surfaces, loos and sinks.

• actually weekly (or spread over week) cleaning such as dusting, hoovering, mopping floors and cleaning bathroom and kitchen, bed changing, windows and food shopping.

• then there is occasional or ongoing decluttering, DIY, gardening projects.

And a fourth category if you have DC involves taking them to dentist and medical appts, school events and extra-curricular stuff; the latter can be very time consuming.

I'd expect everything in the second and large parts of the third category to be done by the person who is at home, and the first category to be shared about 60/40 %. (Tbh, unless you are completely exhausted, it's almost easier getting stuck in to household chores after work because of the contrast, whereas when I was at home all the time, I found it harder to motivate myself.
And working single folk have to cook, clean and do laundry too. )

And for parents: the fourth category to be as evenly spread as possible but obviously the working partner won't be able to do as much.

I'm a sahm, with one school age child and one toddler.

During lockdown it all went to hell in a handcart with each of us just doing whatever we could each around DH working from home and me homeschooling/juggling toddler.

However, normally I do most of it because DH is out of the house 7am -7pm Monday - Friday. In the week I vacuum, dust, clean the toilet and clean the kitchen daily downstairs. Change towels and clean family bathroom twice a week and bedding weekly. Upstairs and our en suite gets a clean, dust and vacuum once a week. I also do all of the grocery shopping and 95% of the cooking. I keep on top of family birthdays and dentist/opticians/hospital appointments and do most of the washing/drying/putting away.

DH does the ironing, the gardens and bins, any decorating and DIY, sorts all life admin like health/travel/house/car insurance, tax, arranges MOTs and services.

I could do less in the week and he'd pick it up at the weekends but I like the weekends to be fun family time so I try to get it all done so except for the bare minimum like keeping the kitchen hygienic and vacuuming up after the children meals nobody does cleaning chores at the weekend. DH generally does these things not me. When I'm back at work FT in a few years we will probably get a cleaner.

You just need to find what works for you.

Thanks all, I'll be having a talk with him tomorrow. It's the cleaning / tidying tasks that are the bone of contention.

I'd expect that he could do the majority of the cleaning, laundry and weekly jobs which would only leave the daily surface tidy/ dishes/meals to be shared on your days off. He should basically run the household from recycling, to changing the beds , cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, fridge, hoover. You are working 9-5 so should he and between 9-3 (without children) he could easily do all that.