How do I drop feeds to increase food intake without reverse cycling

[Motherofmonsters]

I'm so lost with how to stop breastfeeding. DD doesn't eat lots of food unless it's fruit, if I don't breastfeed her in the day she will just feed all night.

She feeds to sleep and won't take a bottle. I'm stuck in a loop and I don't know how to get out

She's 17 months

Im no expert. 10 month here. He still feeds overnight, but I have a max on feeds. He only gets fed overnight now if 4hrs in between. Bedtime usually around 8pm and he’s fed, so any waking after midnight I will feed, but before not. Then again 4hr gap

Ie last night:
8pm fed
1.15am fed
4am woke ( less than 3hrs after last feed), dh settled him
6am fed
6-7am dozed in our bed.

I have also only feed max twice now during day. Morning and evening feed not included as has those in bed. I try and only give 11am and 3-4pm if needed, but if he naps later I can often skip 11am feed now and just give water and a biscuit and push through until lunch.

Thank you for your replies, maybe I do need to try and cut the night feeding. I did try to not feed her a while ago and she just stayed wide awake for 3 hours before I gave up and fed her

Rather than your goal being “drop a feed”, switch your goal to “eating more solids”. And solids counts as anything that’s not breast milk, so includes milk from a cup.

Offer what she likes, paired with new things that are easy for you - don’t exhaust yourself preparing elaborate things that get rejected, it’s so disheartening. Offer whatever’s on your plate that isn’t too spicy or very salty. Put her in her high chair frequently and offer food to be played with as well as to be eaten- breadsticks, pasta, toast, plenty of things which are easy to dish up and won’t make too much mess if they get rejected.

At the moment you sound like you’re decreasing the breastfeeds in order to increase the solid food, so if you kind of reverse your thinking and try that the other way round, hopefully dropping feeds will start to happen more easily.

And hang in there!

Thank you @alwaysmorecoffee I'll give that a go to and see if I can get her eating more things. She seems to reject anything that's carby or eggs which makes it hard to fill her up.

Stop feeding to sleep. Start at bedtime when the sleep pressure is strongest. Do the feed earlier in the bedtime routine. Then if you want you could hold/rock to sleep. Obviously the ideal would be to get her to fall asleep in the cot but you might be more comfortable holding/rocking first.

Once you've broken the feed to sleep association at bedtime, you could do the same for naps.

Then you'll need to stop the night feeds - at 17 months she definitely doesn't need them. You need to be consistent though, there's no point giving up and feeding her as you'll confuse her and undermine your efforts. It's often easier to get a partner to deal with night wakings as they don't smell of milk, do you have a partner who can do it or at least share it with you?

Oh and I meant to say when you stop breastfeeding at night you should not withhold breastfeeds during the day. Let baby have as much as they want. Keep offering food as well. Eventually baby will eat more food and at that point you can reduce feeds if they don't reduce naturally.

Does she like yogurt?

@namechange what order would you do bedtime, I usually do bath, pyjamas, teeth and breastfeed to sleep. She has never fallen asleep being rocked but she'll just cry if I put her in the cot. I tried sleep training where I left for a few minutes and come back but she climbed out the cot and was sick everywhere.

I guess if I persist she has to fall asleep eventually.

She likes yoghurt but only a few spoonfuls

Personally I would do bath, PJs, milk, brush teeth, bedtime story, song, sleep.

Yes you're right she will fall asleep eventually! There are so many different methods, you could try PUPD although mine always cried when I put them down! If you want to avoid crying then hold/rock to sleep. With DC1 I tried gradual methods but didn't get far so resorted to controlled crying in the end, it was hard but worth it IMO. Some people are dead against it though (I was for a long time) and it's not the only way. You have to do what you're comfortable with and willing to apply consistently.

You know my 2yo was similar. To help night wean I gave him a supper of porridge with fruit blended into it (he loved banana so generally used to whizz one of those up and stir it in). You can do the same with weetabix - mash it up and add blended fruit. Also with eggs I used to make a pancake tray bake so essentially eggs, milk and flour, flavoured with fruit, poured into an oven dish, baked and then cut into slices. Only way he'd eat eggs! He does still breastfeed at bedtime but it's 5-10 minutes so I can cope with that! No more night feeds and doesn't feed through the day. Good luck!

Tried to not feed DD on wake up and it took nearly 3 hours to get her to go to sleep with constant rocking. She woke up again after 15mins and I gave up again after an hour of trying again. It just seems so impossible.

This is what helped us stop feeding to sleep without crying it out

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

Thank you @nectarina I think I will give that ago. Rocking doesn't seem to work and I'm aching all over today.

My daughter was about 20 months when I decided enough was enough with night feeding. What we did was:

Change the bedtime routine so she isn't expecting milk at a certain time. For example, feed downstairs with lights on and then go up and put on PJs, read a book and put to bed.

With night feeds, will she have a sippy cup or bottle during the day? If so try giving her some cows milk in her usual drink cup at night. Probably best to get your partner to do this for at least the first few nights. She will definitely resist and it will be hard for s few nights/weeks but it will improve over time. Unfortunately some kids just don't give up night feeding easily.

If you are trying to find a new routine I wouldn’t replace feeding to sleep at bedtime with rocking. At 17 months they are big and heavy for that to be practical for any length of time.
Can you put a chair next the cot and just sit with your hand on their back/tummy, whichever is upwards. No talking and in darkness. Don’t engage with them but they know you are there.

For food can you just keep trying a variety eg. put them in the highchair when you are in the kitchen and give them a few things to try. Grated apple, grated cheese, sultanas, chopped cucumber, chopped grapes, fingers of toast, cold pasta. Not all at once and not under the pressure of a mealtime just to see what they might start to try.