Help needed - 5 month old into cot

[roarfeckingroarr]

My exclusively breastfed 5 month old sleeps in bed with me. DH has moved next door without complaint. The baby was very small when he was born and co sleeping made sense for us all, especially because breastfed babies cluster-feed during the first two weeks to stimulate milk production.

I have to go to bed with the baby every night around 8pm because he gets very tired after his 6.30 bath and it's his natural bed time. I was fine with it but my tiny baby is now a big healthy beast and I miss having an evening. It's also affecting my relationship. It's time for my baby to sleep in his own cot (every attempt to date he has screamed so I gave in straight away); he's old enough, I just don't know how to without traumatising us both.

How can I get my baby to sleep in his cot without it causing him or me trauma? I know it will probably involve sleep training and I don't want to leave him to cry. Sorry if I sound anxious. I'm exhausted. Please be kind.

So you feed him to sleep just now? If so you need to break that association and find another comfort for him - dummy, cuddly toy etc.

I would say Dad to do the put down and the shhh pats, she'll smell your milk and that will be that.
Pick a time where DH can sleep through the day, ie start on Friday evening.
You might be surprised. It took 3 nights for our eldest and we never let it get to outright crying, grumbling, pick up, grumble, soothe, quiescent, back down, shhh pats etc.

I would say he's on the young side for what some consider proper sleep training where the baby cries and cries, that is just horrible.

I don't feed him to sleep. I tend to rock / shush but often he will fall asleep with white noise on independently of me on the bed - just never in his cot. He bloody hates it.

He also gets hysterical fairly easily in the evening so I don't know what to do in that case.

This is the first parenting thing that feels hard. We have been so lucky with feeding and everything else.

@roarfeckingroarr

I don't feed him to sleep. I tend to rock / shush but often he will fall asleep with white noise on independently of me on the bed - just never in his cot. He bloody hates it.

Can you move him in to the cot after he falls asleep?

Floor bed for him so you get him settled and then ninja roll away. Or a sidecar cot?

Cots are overrated DD only slept in hers when I took the side off when she was 12 months.

Sidecar the cot to your bed and get a video monitor

I used for feed DD to sleep on the bed. Then leave her there for a few hours. Watching on the monitor closely. I didnt move her to her cot till 8/9 months.

@MrsCaptainJakeBallard he knows. He knows!!!!! I tend to cuddle or shush him or hand on tummy (all with white noise) to sleep. He will sleep for pne cycle then wake, eat, detach himself from boob and go back to sleep on his back on the bed. If he is out in the cot he wakes and screams until he's hysterical and it takes about 40 min to calm then he still sobs

@OneForTheJourney

I used for feed DD to sleep on the bed. Then leave her there for a few hours. Watching on the monitor closely. I didnt move her to her cot till 8/9 months.

Did your husband or partner sleep there too? We can't fit three of us safely in the Kung size

@Northernbeachbum we already have a next2me type cot attached to the bed and he still hates it.

Tried to put him down again tonight with DH gently putting him in his cot, slowly backing out etc leaving for 2 min, 4 min... Ended up hysterical baby and me getting out of my bath after 5 min. I'm not being a martyr I just can't have my baby hysterically screaming until he passes out it's not ok

Hey @roarfeckingroarr , long time!
Guess what- I came on MN this evening to find answers to exactly this predicament!
My DS is almost 6 months old and I'm in exactly the same boat- EBF, bedsharing, only contact naps in the day and needs to sleep next to me at night.
We had a phantom week or two around the 3 month mark where he miraculously slept in the Next2me for a few hours, but that was over sharpish.

We have white noise on every night, I feed him and then keep him upright for anything up to 20 mins to wind/prevent reflux waking him, do the 'arm' test, and no matter how floppy it is , he wakes up as soon as he touches the cot.

Have also not had an evening with DH for months and come up to bed at 7ish every night. I'm getting increasingly frazzled if I'm honest.

Sorry to not have any advice, just wanted to send some solidarity

It's so difficult, I was the same with dd I could never let her just cry.

I done the unmunmsnetty thing of feeding to sleep until she was about 1 though! I done it because it would get her to sleep with no fuss but luckily she would sleep in her cot, although I used to feed her to sleep then keep her cuddled in for 20 mins then put her down. It had to be 20 minutes and if I lost count I had to start again obsessively thought if it was any less she would wake up!

I would keep him in bed with you. Honestly, for now it makes your life easier. He’s still very young and feels safe with you. Once his sleep improves a little and he understands try the cot again.
My daughter is 2.5 starts the night in her cot comes in with me after her first wake up. So much easier than keep getting out of bed to settle her.

@roarfeckingroarr no, he was happy in the spare room (we all got so much more sleep that way). Which was why it was so nice to get our evenings back.

[quote roarfeckingroarr]@Northernbeachbum we already have a next2me type cot attached to the bed and he still hates it.

Tried to put him down again tonight with DH gently putting him in his cot, slowly backing out etc leaving for 2 min, 4 min... Ended up hysterical baby and me getting out of my bath after 5 min. I'm not being a martyr I just can't have my baby hysterically screaming until he passes out it's not ok[/quote]
My little girl was exactly the same at that age. She just wasn't ready.

Nothing wrong with co sleeping, but if you are ready to be done with it and want your evenings back (I know the feeling!) I’d suggest going very slowly, first getting him used to even being in the cot, happily, so he doesn’t associate it with being separated from you but with being happy and secure. So put him in during the day with a toy, and you staying right with him, playing, for 5 min at a time. When he’s happy being in there with you present, build up to you putting some washing away for a minute on the other side of the room. Then build up to you leaving the room to go to the loo etc. Might help if the toy he has is a safe comforter that he can then eventually sleep with in the cot, so he has that positive association too. When he’s over 6 months I really recommend the Lucy Wolfe stay and support method - worked really well at 8 months for my EBF, co sleeping Velcro DS. Good luck!

There's no shame in carrying on co-sleeping if you want to, 5 months is tiny still. But if you want to move away from it then you need to get him something else for comfort other than you being there. Comfort blanket or dummy or cuddly toy.

@KitKatKit hello! Sorry you're in the same situ with yours. It's tough knowing what to do, whether time is right etc.

I feel like I want to stop co sleeping. I think I actually wake DS up as much as he wakes me up. I like the idea of building up positive associations with time in his cot.

Thanks for all advice,