Polite way to turn down a walk

[roarfeckingroarr]

I'm on mat leave with a 4 month old. As my baby is under one, I've always been able to meet another adult outside for company. I have a large group of friends, many of whom have babies or are pregnant, and live in London near the river and two large commons, so I'm never short of company or places to walk during the day. I also like to walk for exercise, quickly, and cover >10km if I'm on my own, chatting to baby in his carrier or listening to audiobooks.

Anyway, my next door neighbour has taken to stopping both me and DH every time she sees us because she wants someone (me) to regularly walk with her and her designer dog. There have been a few cases of dogs being stolen nearby and she's adamant dog walkers shouldn't go out alone if they can avoid it.

But I don't want to. I have enough on. She walks slowly. Years back she used to complain regularly if I had friends over. I also don't have a dog so don't really see it as my problem.

She stops every time we pass to chat about when we can walk / request my number to make plans. I'm a coward and don't want to just say "no I don't want to" because I don't want bad feeling with a close neighbour (flats). Can't use COVID as she's seen me out with others and she's had her jab.

Any suggestions from MN wisdom?

Thank you

Can you claim to have a secret fear of dogs which you try to hide because you’re embarrassed?

“Ah I need my walks on my own to get headspace so I won’t be able to join you.”

And then change the subject/follow up with a friendly question.

You have to be assertive here - you can’t avoid risking her displeasure. So you have to decide who is in control of your life: you, or her?

I'm sorry I'm burning the shoe leather enough as it is with keeping up with friends and walking with the buggy, I've had to turn down lots of people. Hope you find someone.

"No thanks"

"Sorry but no"

Cheery smile, walk away.

Hard to do but I don't do anything like that in mu life I don't want to anymore. You don't owe her an explanation.

I know you don't want to say anything like that. It honestly, you've got one life and you are wasting time and energy on this.

@Fuckadoodledoooo

I know you don't want to say anything like that. It honestly, you've got one life and you are wasting time and energy on this.

I'm used to a full on job and I've found that mat leave + lockdown have given me way too much time to overthink. It's a bit of an issue for me.

Thanks for advice everyone. Unfortunately she knows I love dogs. I think I might just have to hide say I'm a bit busy and hope she drops it.

Oh I'm with you on the overthinking!!

“Ah I need my walks on my own to get headspace so I won’t be able to join you.”

I agree with this approach.

'Thanks for asking, but the baby's routine means I am pretty busy, and I already have a full schedule of walking and meetings. Often I need to go quickly or get home before the baby wakes- so Idon't have space for extra walks, thanks'

‘Sorry but my life’s a bit full-on at the moment’.

‘Actually I prefer to walk on my own’.

I know this isn’t the case, and she will also know, unless she is incredibly thick-skinned it will let her know you are not interested.

@Sugarandteaandmum

'Thanks for asking, but the baby's routine means I am pretty busy, and I already have a full schedule of walking and meetings. Often I need to go quickly or get home before the baby wakes- so Idon't have space for extra walks, thanks'

This is much better than my suggestions. It’s friendly, honest and direct without being rude.

That's a cracker @Sugarandteaandmum thank you! I think focusing on the baby's schedule and need to get home quickly etc is a good idea.

Be prepared for her to come back with, “that’s ok, just give me a knock when you’re going, I can fit in with you”

Good point @AtrociousCircumstance. you then maybe say "OK" and just don't

True! But then neighbour could be waiting at the window/rush out when she sees OP/get narky and questioning about ‘why didn’t you knock yesterday?’.

That’s why I reckon it’s best to be clear and honest that her walks are off limits.

You can also say that you don't think it will be much fun for Floppy (other dog names are available) because you walk quickly to burn off the baby fat and you know he likes to stop and sniff on the way.