Suffering as a result of being an undiagnosed asd child in the 90s

[wherewasthesupport]

Is anyone else in this position?

It’s effectively ruined my life.

Problems from an early age. Put down as bad behaviour etc
Siblings favoured as they were ‘normal’
Huge amount of embarrassment from my parents
School never recognised it and by the time they did (late primary) my parents declined assessment and were allowed !!!! They ‘didn’t want a label’ so refused and off I went to secondary and ended up having a breakdown and school refusing

Again treated as ‘badly behaved’
I used every bit of energy to get myself through and did little work. Received no careers advice hardly any GCSEs so my job prospects are virtually zero

Forced to work by parents at 18 to contribute to household but I couldn’t do it had another breakdown haven’t worked since I can’t manage it due to my asd and many other issues

But my life is shit
I don’t get PIP
I need to find something I need to earn but from home and I have specific issues / needs so a lot is inaccessible but I can’t find anywhere for advice of what I could maybe do ?

I feel let down by the system and my parents and I want some kind of life but i missed the help I needed as a developing child

It’s like today I’ve just woken up and feel angry that maybe if I’d had support and been taught coping strategies I wouldn’t have spent YEARS on high alert and overwhelmed and maybe I’d have had a better adult life and been employable

Hello I'm really sorry for what you have been through, unfortunately I think it was very common in the past for special needs to be put down to bad behaviour or laziness. I have two children with ASD and although things are much better for them than they were for you, I still have to remind teachers that they aren't being bad/difficult, they are just not able to meet all the teacher's expectations.

Have you tried chatting to the National Autistic Society or any local autism support groups? They might be able to help you think about the sorts of jobs that could be suitable. Also you might find that talking through what happened to you as a child with someone who understands, like one of the NAS volunteers, might help you to deal with the very understandable anger you feel about how you were treated as a child.

Thankyou for your reply

I’m just feeling so angry today and let down.
I want to be responsible for myself but I feel like I’ve not been given the basics to be able to function in the right way ?
I have selective mutism too amongst other issues and it’s all just overwhelming but i want a better life and I feel like there’s just this void. Like my foundations aren’t there and I needed help as a child I’m just angry

Look for adult diagnosis and then go from there.