Are the other mums ignoring me?

[amiimaginingitorisitreal]

This is probably going to make me sound paranoid (and I maybe am a little bit) but I joined a baby class with my DC pre-lockdown, hit it off really well with a couple of mums and things were lovely, etc. We've been to each other houses a few times too, birthday parties for the DC, etc. I always thought things were fine. However, I've been noticing over the last couple of months or so, that I'm being frozen out of the WhatsApp group we've got going. Someone will post something and ask how everyone is, I'll reply and so will some of the others but it's only the comments by the others that are followed up on, etc.! I'll try to join in but no one will reply to what I've said. I've tried staying quiet but feel so lonely and would love to reconnect but don't know what's going on. I've a history of being bullied at school and find it all so triggering.

One of the popular mums of the group really made an effort with me to begin with and dropped off a birthday present for my DD after I'd sent hers a little something for her birthday. When her DCs second birthday came round, I asked when she'd likely be in as I'd like to drop off a present but didn't hear back from her. I didn't chase it up or anything as I don't want to come across as though I'm begging for her friendship but that's how I feel.

Apologies if this sounds really childish but I feel so upset.

It's really difficult to say without seeing the converations.
Have you posted anything controversial?
Are you being too needy or complainy?

Nothing out of the ordinary- just the usual rubbish about being fed up of lockdown, etc. but everyone talks about that. I just join in. What's being too needy? How would that come across in a WhatsApp group?

I find I am prone to these kinds of situations also (was bullied at school too), I’ll always be the odd one out but then I sometimes find a magical couple of friends who are also a bit odd and we just click. Perhaps you just don’t have much in common with these people? Maybe you are too independent, too opinionated, too nice, too whatever. We will always be too much for some but enough for the ones that love us.

Is there one person in the group you feel closest to with whom you could have a one to one conversation? Maybe you could put out a few feelers to find out?

@Looneytoones

I find I am prone to these kinds of situations also (was bullied at school too), I’ll always be the odd one out but then I sometimes find a magical couple of friends who are also a bit odd and we just click. Perhaps you just don’t have much in common with these people? Maybe you are too independent, too opinionated, too nice, too whatever. We will always be too much for some but enough for the ones that love us.

Thanks for the reassurance. They were always very straight laced face to face and I was the one struggling so used to agree with what they used to say and then mention the things I found hard. That usually made them talk about their struggles too.

In the group, the others will leave one/two line comments. And, mine will be along the lines of 'all fine thanks. How's everyone else doing? How are the children?' ask about something I knew one of them were planning on doing such as 'how's the house renovation going X?' or 'how's work?' No one asks me!

@AtlasPine

Is there one person in the group you feel closest to with whom you could have a one to one conversation? Maybe you could put out a few feelers to find out?

I thought the popular one was a friend but she started the 'blanking out' and the rest followed! Maybe they're not my tribe after all!

They sound boring, why would you want to be friends with a bunch of straight laced mums? I know it must be hard to feel left out but don’t chase after people who don’t see your worth. Could you try mix with other people when things open up again? Go to some classes or volunteer (you may not have time for this). You may meet other mums casually from going to non-mum activities.

They don't deserve you! You sound caring and thoughtful and they're definitely not. I've no idea why groups of women feel they can just blank someone for no reason. It's not you, it's them!