tips to be more eloquent

[user168979082]

Looking for tips on how to be more eloquent in conversation (both privately with family and public forums, for instance at work, on panels and public speaking). I read a lot and have made an effort to improve vocabulary etc. I find that I just don't have the correct words at the tip of my tongue and am not good at storytelling.

Anyhow, any tips appreciated. The people you think are eloquent, what makes them so? And how do you think that can be achieved?
Thanks

What do you read? I think that’s important. Also, lots of practice and confidence.

It's heavily influenced by reading. What type of books do you read?

If it's something that's preprepared, rehearse it. Lots of times. Draft and redraft, when you are happy with it practise it enough so that you glance at your notes.

For spontaneous speaking, play games like 'just a minute' or talk about a postcard/object for 60 seconds. You'll find it easier and easier.

And as a PP says, read good quality and listen to good quality- radio 4 is excellent.

thanks for all the tips so far - I read a lot of non-fiction (popular science etc) and also now more fiction (some of the pulitzer winning texts, mostly good stuff and not airport novels but not so much the classics)

There’s some good podcasts that help with confidence in speaking- e.g. How to own a room, and I’ve recently discovered Caroline Goyder who has written a couple of books and did a successful Ted talk on public speaking

Get rid of any verbal tics you may have developed, such as "if you know what I mean" or "like". Don't hyper correct: "Fred and myself went to the shop" will make anyone who cares about such things cringe.

Don't use glottal stops or miss the 'g' off the end of '-ing' words. No vocal fry. No twee pronunciations like "hospickle".

Read. Read. Read. It doesn't have to be books only either. Just quality content. Online articles, Facebook, book and film reviews.

You can read all you like, but it may well not help.

I was a voracious reader growing up, and as a result, I’m very articulate - when writing! I write for a living, and it comes very naturally and easily to me.

However, I’m a bumbling fool when it comes to trying to articulate anything verbally. I just can’t do it. My brain freezes, and I’m never able to say what I want to say. Give me a pen and paper, and it would be beautifully expressed.

I’m fine with friends and in general chat, but if I need to explain something, argue back on a point, or speak in public - forget it.

What are you aiming for? Maybe pick some people (fictional ones also count) that have what you are looking for and copy that? My DD did this with comedians - for some reason Neil Patrick Harris and Alicia Silverstone in clueless particularly tickled her. She copied their intonation, the way they move their bodies. I’m not saying these are the best role models! But it did work. She didn’t pinch their jokes, just the way they told them. She’s upped her comedy value considerably.
I think there is social skills training that some autistic kids get (one of my friends children got this). I don’t know how advanced that gets. E.g. if you are average now, if it would boost you beyond that. If you are currently truly dire though - say you speak the equivalent of walking with your shoelaces tied together- it might be worth trying to find out. Maybe someone here will know. That’s all I’ve got! Watching in the hope of some top tips.

What do you want?

It's practice really.

Do you have a surety about what you want to say?

Agree that reading doesn't necessarily make you speak more eloquently. Write more eloquently, definitely. Speaking...not necessarily.

Practising speaking up, and consciously trying to say things firmly without the umms and aahhs, and listening to podcasts of articulate people speaking to each other has helped me. You sound more advanced than that though if you are thinking in terms of storytelling!

When I was much younger I used to have an informal 'word of the week', when I read a word I'd not come across before I'd work it into conversation as much as possible until it became part of my natural vocabulary.

It's hard at the moment though when many of the usual social interactions are not happening.

thanks for all the tips so far.
I do a fair bit of public speaking, it's mostly high level and about my field of expertise but usually I follow a script that I've rehearsed down to the last word. I'd like to be able to talk extempore because I come across very rigid and unenthusiastic, as you can imagine if you're speaking off a well rehearsed script.

That's one example of where I'd like to be better but also generally being able to put across my points in a debate with friends etc.

I have to say one of the things that has definitely helped is reading MN forums - I guess that's been the stand-in for social conversations this past year and you get such a breadth of conversations that you can 'listen' into here that it's really helped, especially for being able to do better in general chit chat. I find most people on MN are able to articulate quite well.

@LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour very important point about the vocal tics and all - I've tried to really cut down on that and umms and aahs and found that speaking slower and with more conviction helps with that too

I wonder if there are any online debating societies @user168979082, I was a member of one when I was younger and it really helped me formulate extempore arguments.

It's a skill that needs practice though. A year of lockdown has probably rendered me almost mute!

Improv classes.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

You can read all you like, but it may well not help.

I was a voracious reader growing up, and as a result, I’m very articulate - when writing! I write for a living, and it comes very naturally and easily to me.

However, I’m a bumbling fool when it comes to trying to articulate anything verbally. I just can’t do it. My brain freezes, and I’m never able to say what I want to say. Give me a pen and paper, and it would be beautifully expressed.

I’m fine with friends and in general chat, but if I need to explain something, argue back on a point, or speak in public - forget it.

Well and I thought it was just me. I have also been an avid reader and can write and help other people when asked. However, verbally not anywhere as competent. I think it’s because writing takes time and can be reworked. If I am asked what someone should put in say a job application I usually ask for a moment or two to write it down. I even find it difficult to verbally reiterate what I have written as I usually can’t remember how I phrased it. Always puzzled me.

If you want to spend some money then a friend of mine (male actually) had lessons with a drama teacher to improve confidence in speaking in a work context. He found it really useful.

I would say practice, really hard right now but throwing yourself into lots of groups. It's actually a multitasking skill, being able to both listen and formulate a response at the same time. A thesaurus is a good tool as well, look up variations of common words and get into the habit of replacing with more interesting variations.

Hmmm, another one here who can write eloquently, but is hopeless at speaking off the cuff.

I have a theory, based on a small sample of people I have worked with: those who are best at extemporizing often display signs of dyslexia and actively avoid putting things in writing...

I'm not particularly eloquent myself, but I generally think that those who are are the ones who can express themselves simply and clearly. So minimal jargon, don't use fifty words when ten would suffice, concentrate on the key point you're trying to get across rather than waffling.

I’m quite confident and usually have something to say, but I have changed my ‘technique’ lately. Over the last year, I’m doing more zoom calls, and doing a course that has a lot of live discussion. I used to be a bit of an interrupter which was bad, and comes across really poorly online, especially if theres a time lag, so I now try hard to focus on my pacing and delivery. And I organise my thoughts better.

I try to always speak in complete sentences. Sounds obvious, but very effective. Shorter sentences. Sometimes I use preambles to get attention: ‘I’m listening and what strikes me is ...’ ‘I’d like to share my view which is ...’ ‘I agree with you to an extent but ...’

I’ve had to do some interviews/media things which I’m not trained for so bullet points are handy as crib notes.

Also - Zoom. Record yourself, on your own. You can select ‘hide self view’ if you are self conscious. It’s a game changer. I used to be so self conscious watching my own mouth and pushing back my hair, and now that I can’t see myself on screen, I speak more freely and easily to the camera.