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Original poster

Did you send your toddler to childcare when on mat leave with their sibling?

55 replies

Streats · 10/03/2021 11:53

DH and I work full time. DD goes to her childminder (I was going to switch to nursery but she loves it there, she’s confident, meeting milestones, and there are other kids to play with). I’m due to have baby no 2 just after she turns 3.

So is it reasonable for me to keep her going to the Childminder’s full time when my mat leave starts? I feel like she would get more out of it than being at home with me breastfeeding and feeling tired with no interaction with other children.

OP posts:

DelurkingAJ · 10/03/2021 12:43

Yes, DS1 stayed FT with his childminder (still their childminder 5 years later). He was 3.5 and it meant he got her full attention in the day (he was her only preschooler) when I was dealing with DS2 and kept his place with her when I went back to work.

FoxtrotOscarPoppet · 10/03/2021 12:44

Just had my second DD.

My three yr old will continue with nursery 3 times a week as she gets so much from it. It’ll also be nice for me to have some time with just the baby.

Procrastatron · 10/03/2021 12:45

Yes, one very helpful friend pointed out that if money is not the issue then to have access to a nursery on all days is a good thing, as you can take them out freely if you’ve had a restful night and the weather is good etc. If you’ve had a terrible night and it’s raining you can send them in. Also, they will just have much more fun. In the end my baby was hospitalised with an infection and then essentially isolating for six weeks so it turned out to be the best decision to have her brother hanging out with his little mates oblivious to the drama.

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Childcare & nursery Families

Hfjshdhs · 10/03/2021 12:47

Yes. Full time for the first 3 months so I could recover/establish breastfeeding/sleep when the baby sleeps etc. Then down to 4 days a week so she can have a more chill day with me and the new baby.

I think nursery is essential for her development so wouldn’t have taken her out.

Strokethefurrywall · 10/03/2021 12:48

I did. DS1 was 2 1/2 when DS2 was born and was already in FT childcare.

I needed the recovery time and only get 4 months may leave so I wanted to spend it recovering and relaxing which wasn't possible with DS1 tearing about.

He was in his routine and loved it so it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him.

DH would pick him up early and stuff and DS2 was such an easy baby I could spend time with DS1 without much fuss.

welshweasel · 10/03/2021 12:50

Yes my then 3 year old carried on in full time nursery whilst I was on mat leave. I was only off for 5 months and we would have lost his place if we pulled him out. Way more fun for 3 year old at nursery than at home with me and a very screamy baby!

bunniesanddaisies · 10/03/2021 12:52

@Teakind

I think part time would be good for her. Full time seems a bit much to me as it’s a nice opportunity for you to spend extra time with her too.

I agree with this.

bananamonkey · 10/03/2021 12:57

Yes, although we dropped down from 4 days to 3. However the first 3 months were in lockdown so didn’t really go as planned and she was at home all the time, was so glad to get back after that for some structured activities and social interaction. Bit sad I didn’t get any naps in though also needed to keep her place open.

Crowsaregreat · 10/03/2021 13:00

DD was 2.5 when DS was born. I think DD had two days at a CM, a day with DH and an afternoon with grandparents every week.

The days it was just me and the kids were quite hard, though we had nice times too. Typical activities were playing in the garden while I sat with the baby, going for walks with DS in pram, reading while breastfeeding. DD watched way too much telly and I gave her tons of sticker books to keep her quiet.

Managing baby sleep with a toddler around is quite hard, especially before the baby can be left to sleep in a room on their own. DS slept on me in a sling a lot while I played with DD. We got a double buggy in the end as well, DD was a bit big for it but I could sometimes have a heavenly moment if they both slept in it, and it was handy to be able to put her in there if she got tired/stroppy when we were out.

I think it's better for the older one to keep going to childcare, it's a precious baby-free space and keeps their routine. Nice to have a day or two at home all together though.

peaches19 · 10/03/2021 13:01

My first was just turned 2 when my second was born. He did 3 mornings at preschool and then my parents came for a full day every week. For us that was perfect, I enjoyed spending the extra time with my eldest (I was working 4 days a week before second mat leave) but also had a few mornings a week to do baby groups/see friends for coffee without a toddler running around (at least before lockdown hit halfway through my mat leave!). To be honest I enjoyed my second mat leave (pre lockdown) more than my first as I was a bit lonely at home with a baby all day and my toddler was good company. I was lucky that the baby was happy to chill in the bouncer/nap in the sling quite a bit while I played with the toddler. I also took them both out and about to farms, playgroups, friends houses so have nice memories of that time.

Love51 · 10/03/2021 13:02

I sent mine for the bare minimum I had to to keep her place - 2 mornings 9-12. She was only 2 so no funded hours, so we were paying. She's 9 and still goes to the same childminder and loves it there. It gave me some 1:1 time with the baby. I don't think I'd have done it if she didn't love it at the minders.
There have been various times when the children have been given a choice about who cares for them. The eldest always chooses the minder, over after school club, holiday club, daddy. Youngest prefers variety.

LolaNova · 10/03/2021 13:03

DS(2.5) goes to nursery two mornings per week. If we could afford it, he’d go a bit more. It’s nice to have time with both kids but it’s impossible to get anything done!!

MitMopse · 10/03/2021 13:04

@superram

Yes but the free 15 hours pretty much paid for it. They need to keep their routine snd you need to be able to rest.

Absolutely this! I did when mine were that age and I think it saved my sanity!

olderthanyouthink · 10/03/2021 13:06

Planning to continue having DD who will be 2.5 in nursery 2.5 (school) days then when she gets the 30 hours will step it up to 3 days as there the nurseries minimum. Only kicker is it's a term time nursery and DC2 is due the first week of summer holidays 🤦‍♀️ hopefully DP will be off for most of that 🤞

AIMD · 10/03/2021 13:08

I sent my son 3 mornings a week when I had his younger sister, but he wasn’t 3 yet so I had to pay (so had financial reasons for not sending more than that too). I would have been happy to send him a couple of morning or days a week but probably would never have put him in full-time while I was home with the baby. I wanted that extra time with him too and didn’t want him to feel resentful of being in nursery while I was at hone with the baby. It was a nice half way allowing me one to one time with the baby but time with them both too.

AIMD · 10/03/2021 13:08

Having said that covid wasn’t an issue when I had mine. So I might have considered more time if all groups, soft plays etc were closed.

olderthanyouthink · 10/03/2021 13:08

And I'll only get maternity allowance so am currently saving up to pay for nursery because it would take most of my MA otherwise.

usernotfound0000 · 10/03/2021 13:14

My 3 year old did, she started at the school nursery just before DD2 was born. She went every day but obviously the days were shorter than if she went to a private nursery, and we had the school holidays together.

badlydrawnbear · 10/03/2021 14:01

Yes, she went to nursery 3 days a week. Partly, we had to keep sending her regularly to keep the place, partly she was in the pre-school room where they were doing preparation for school, but also it gave me time with just DC2 like I had had with DC1 and DC1 had fun with her friends doing exciting activities while I was overwhelmed by sleep deprivation and a very demanding baby and wouldn’t have been able to provide her with fun and stimulating activities. Other days of the week grandparents had looked after DC1 while I was at work. They came to visit us but didn’t do childcare.

TheBigGreenDinosaur · 10/03/2021 14:40

DC2 is due in September and DC1 is in nursery 3 days a week then 1 day with a grandparent. I am intending to keep this the same, to keep their routine consistent and also allow me to have some time with baby alone. We’ve saved up the nursery fees to cover whilst I’m not earning because DC1 isn’t old enough for the free hours yet.

wendz86 · 10/03/2021 15:15

Yes but dropped down. She was in 4 full days, dropped her to 3 half days until end of term (baby was born 1st June) and then had her with me for summer holidays before she started school.

user1493413286 · 10/03/2021 15:19

My DD did 2 days and then when she turned 3 she started 3 days. Maybe for the first few weeks you could keep her full time then drop it down?
It’s up to you but I found it lovely to have that time with DD once I’d got a bit more sorted.

AstonishingMouse · 10/03/2021 15:25

Mine just went to preschool for a couple of mornings.
Things to think about:

does your child enjoy going to the childminder or would they prefer to be home with you, even if you're feeding a baby and knackered?
can you easily afford it, or is money tight? Would it be better to spend the money on a cleaner / decorator / gardener etc?
where will she go to school and does it have a nursery attached - could / should she go to the school nursery?
what time of year will it be / what might the covid restrictions be? A nice time in the park with your friends watching your older child play while looking after a baby is a world away from being stuck inside in bad weather with everything shut

Devlesko · 10/03/2021 15:29

No, play dates with other kids, but it was lovely to have them both at home.
I wasn't working though, so no mat leave, was just at home with dc.
Was lovely to see the bond growing between them and baby just came everywhere with us, much to the delight of sibling.

HarrietM87 · 10/03/2021 15:32

I’ve got them both at home (toddler was 2.5 when baby born). I love spending more time with my eldest and so far (4 months in) it’s been great, even in lockdown. Eldest will go to preschool at 3 for mornings only so I’ll have sometime with the baby then.

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