Last fucking straw

[sarahC40]

Handhold please and advice (on how not to utterly lose my shit or get arrested for this). It’s not been a great lockdown.

Saving Grace: my garden. Lovely tree, probably in the wrong place but predates the houses, was cut down without warning, so that my view, which was of said lovely tree, is now of the back of someone’s house. They have now closed all of their blinds because, yes, we are now overlooking each other.

The tree is in no man’s land between the gardens - it doesn’t belong to them. They’ve got down everything that overhung my garden (my son woke up to find men climbing over my fence and most of tree gone) and they’ve left a twenty foot high stump. My other neighbours were open mouthed in shock, so this isn’t just me sounding off; it’s horrendous.

I know there’s nothing that I can do, but I would like some vengeful suggestions that I won’t act on but will help me as I try to stop crying at the fucking awful sight of their fugly house.

Willows are very thirsty, too. I know we get a lot of rain in the UK, but if you get a drought year with a few dry weeks, the willow will slurp the soil bone dry!

@SchadenfreudePersonified that little fruitbat is so sweet - thanks for posting that. There are bat boxes in trees near us and they are fascinating to watch bobbing around in the summer evenings.

OP - please fix bat boxes in your new tree!

@Boatingforthestars

Sneak into their garden after nightfall with a bag of frozen sausages and a hammer. Hammer said sausages upright into their lawn evenly spaced.

Watch on as all the local cats and foxes completely destroy their lawn over the next week digging them out!

I'd love to claim this idea as mine but I have borrowed it from another forum.

That is genius. I'm tempted to try it out in our back garden just to see if it actually works.

Sorry to read about this. It's a shit thing to do. One thing if it was on their property but as that's not the case they really ought to have discussed this with everyone directly affected. It's totally out of order to just go ahead with lopping it down without consultation.

Not sure there's much you can do now though the idea of getting a protection order of some sort on the remaining tree sounds like a good idea.

I'd certainly want to give the lady a piece of my mind. It seems to me that it's totally inexcusable behaviour.

Trees are a blessing. I miss having trees in a garden.
www.rhs.org.uk/advice/profile?pid=1022 Has some good stuff about trees and shared trees too, probably too late but at least you have something you can shove at this grotty neighbour.

I’m loving some of the suggestions that are being put forward for retribution.

Have you considered throwing lots of seeds over onto their lawn? Perhaps using lawn feed to draw a picture? Things that are not completely obvious?
Carrot seeds are a good one too.
If you know there will be a mixed period of sun and rain, then cress can be an interesting seed to put down.
As for the trunk ... if it is going to be dead, then get hollowing ... make it into a series of nesting boxes. Make it useful for the birds.

Betula utilis jacquemontii is a silver birch that shouldn't get too tall, they always seem to advise planting in groups of three. But they wouldn't give a dense canopy, and next to useless as a screen in winter. Don't plant willow, if your garden is small. The roots can do a lot of damage to drains etc. Do not plant a leylandii. Just don't. There are better trees for just about any situation.

tbh, I wouldn't actually plant leylandii as they'll become nuisance to you as well. Bamboo is beautiful and graceful and makes a good screen.

Birches would be my choice, they are relatively safe to plant near houses and have beautiful bark.

I love the idea of a multi stemmed one, or you could have more than one.

Himalayan birches are lovely.

They have properly announced themselves as CF unpleasant neighbours, haven’t they? So just a few things (read all of OP’s posts but not everyone else’s, so please forgive me if already said by someone else). Firstly, it’s illegal to cut down a tree whilst birds are nesting in it. If the ‘tree surgeon’ were a proper tree surgeon I would expect them to know this. The RSPB has more on their website about this: ww2.rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/bird-and-wildlife-guides/ask-an-expert/previous/treefelling.aspx

Secondly, it is likely that SOMEONE owns the no-man’s land the tree was on, either the Council or a neighbour, and their permission should have been obtained. (Council / Land Registry) may be able to help. Cutting it down without the landowner’s permission is then criminal damage.

Thirdly, they had to trespass onto your property in order to do this, that may also be criminal damage / trespass.

Finally, DEFINITELY get a tree with berries that will encourage the birds to shit all over their garden, something that sheds heartily, and maybe also take up a craft like crochet, and make giant ‘mushroom’ decorations (very phallic ones!), and maybe some Georgia O’Keefe style ‘lily’ ones too, and hang them all over your new tree where the neighbour will have the best view of them 😁

Open your blinds and put a adult sized cardboard cut out in your window facing their house so they need to keep their blinds shit permanently.

Oops, shut

Am with you, I have cried over a tree being cut down. I would report it to the council, as it may have had a preservation order on it. Then research and plant some trees of your own at the end of your garden. The stump will probably start shooting again and become more interesting than it looks at the moment, also will attract birds if pollarded. You could take revenge by not shutting your blinds and being carefree about naturism, walk around with no clothes on when coming out the shower or getting dressed.

I've tried three times to write this. Argh.

Crabapple/ Malus Donald Wyman. Grows fast, lovely shape, bees love, birds love fruit. I got for same reason as you & very pleased.

I would not do bamboo as it spreads underground and is a bitch to control - you have to put concrete trenches in it to keep it contained- although I guess you could concrete your side and let it run rampant on hers, watching her play Bamboo whakamole until she feels like a persecuted panda

@AzraiL lol! :D

It is worth getting out the report on title your solicitor drew up when you bought the property as that might say who owns the land behind if you have a right of way over it, possibly. Even if not you can pay £3 to the land registry and online do a search of ownership of all registered land. It is very common for people to do that to work out who owns bits of land near them.

@Xenia

It is worth getting out the report on title your solicitor drew up when you bought the property as that might say who owns the land behind if you have a right of way over it, possibly. Even if not you can pay £3 to the land registry and online do a search of ownership of all registered land. It is very common for people to do that to work out who owns bits of land near them.

It is worth it. There is certainly absolutely nothing that is “no man’s land”

If the massive stump is dead you could learn "chainsaw art", just imagine your neighbour opening her curtains to a splendid 20ft cock every morning

I sympathise.

House across from me cut a lovely tree down within a few months of moving in. Tbh it was their tree, but they wanted more sunlight.

Problem is, they now have so much light streaming in that they have to keep the blinds closed.

Their house is fugly too. I preferred it behind trees

That is awful. I would write a complaint for trespassing as they should not be on your property or take it further against the tree surgeon.

Hmm, some pleasant posters on here. Almost on a par with your treedeathcunt of a neighbour, OP!

I grew up with a mature oak tree bang in the middle of our (not small) garden. It was an entire world to me, and to the myriad of species that lived in it. Our fussy, no-mess arse of a NDN insisted on periodically 'pruning' the branches on her side as she didn't like the leaves that blew down (she used to call it a 'forest tree' and said it had no business being in a garden in leafy Surrey. She had two small, very scared-looking apple trees in her garden). I remember spending the 'pruning days' sobbing on the sofa, fairly sure my mum was too. If we'd known, we could have stopped her 'pruning' several feet into our land.

I just had our contorted willow pollarded - willows do need a bit of this every few years otherwise they can grow weak branches that break off easily in high winds - and it looks bloody brutal at the moment. Even though I know there will be miraculous little green shoots soon (please!) I feel like I've murdered it and feel sorry for the birds, too.