Wee handhold needed if anyone is around

[peachgreen]

Just had one of the scariest moments of my life. DD (3) woke up crying with a sore bum so I went through and changed her and put cream on and then suddenly felt sick and dizzy and my vision going black. I sat down on the floor but it wouldn't stop and I was shaking like mad, my vision totally went, my ears started ringing and I was absolutely convinced I was about to faint. DH died in October so I'm a solo parent but thank goodness we have moved in with friends but they didn't hear me shouting (DD and I live in an annex on their house). Thankfully I was just about able to crawl to my phone and ring them for help. I've had a sugary drink and some crackers, and feel a bit better, and they put poor DD back to bed and she seems to be settled.

But now I'm lying here thinking how fucking scary it is to be solely responsible for DD and how awful it will be when we live alone and I can't rely on anyone for help. I honestly don't know what I would have done.

DH died from sudden cardiac death and I found him, and I keep thinking how awful it would be if something like that happened to me and DD found me and was all alone. I know it's so so unlikely but tonight has really made me think about it and I'm so frightened for her.

I've never had anything like this before. I'm sure it was just low blood sugar, I'm not worried it was anything more sinister, but the image of DD being left alone won't go out of my head and I think I just needed a handhold.

I’m so sorry this happened. What a time you’ve had and then this. You’re ok. That was bloody scary but you’re ok. You’re going to be ok. These things can happen from getting up suddenly but for peace of mind, to check it isn’t anything else, give your GP a call when they are open this morning. You did all the right things and the day will get easier when the sun comes up. You’re not alone there. If you need a real person, wake your friends, one of them can sit with you. It’s what friends are for in shitty times. Sending you a big hug.

Thank you @wlderrosie. I'll definitely call my GP in the morning just in case, to check my blood sugars if nothing else. It's so silly to be this upset because you're right, I'm not alone and nothing happened. I just feel so vulnerable and I miss my lovely DH so much. He would have taken such good care of me at a time like this and I wouldn't have been scared.

My friends are so wonderful, I'm so grateful for them, but it's obviously not the same as having DH here. Gosh I miss him.

It’s not silly at all. It sounds really scary and to face it alone, in the middle of grieving and during lockdown, is hard. Keep reminding yourself you’re ok now, you’re not going to die, your scared and hurting brain was leaping to conclusions, understandably, but they weren’t the right ones. Your DH sounds lovely. I’m so sorry for your loss

It sounds like a panic attack OP. Hope you are feeling better now & able to access support after losing DH. I’m so sorry for your loss