Feeling strange after birth of second child

[faithfulbird20]

Prior to my second child being born I decided that maybe I would like a large family 4-5 kids. I already had a 3 year old dd. Second pregnancy was rough and ended up having another dd (whom I adore and wanted...really wanted a sister for my daughter). However her birth was scary, painful and I had no control over my body...she ended up in NICU for 2 days and then special care for a day. I ended up with high blood pressure from the birth.

Now I'm wishing I maybe had a boy and then just had 2 children because of the way the birth went, the trauma we both went (mother and baby). I'm not sure I want more children because yeah I'm scared to death and also, although my eldest dd is happy I don't want to share her with any more children...I feel guilty...she needs my time... how do I stop feeling this way? Especially about ohh I wish I had a boy and got it over and done with...I didn't know the birth would be that scary as first time around it was easier...

Congratulations on your new baby!

How old is she?

Sounds as if you're suffering from PSTD. Speak to a health professional see if you can get counselling. I had a traumatic birth and it affected me longer than it should. I didn't talk about it because I got it into my head that I failed and let the baby down. I felt crushing shame. Don't let it deepen, seek help!

And congratulations

can you not be happy with 2 girls? 😕

She's a week old @HollowTalk

@saracorona what sort of health professional? My doctors not great...

@interest12 I am getting used the idea...it's just that hour in the evening when I have crazy thoughts. I think having 2 girls is adorable...

Aww, it's all so raw. Time may make you feel differently so don't panic that you feel this way today. Can you access some post trauma support to help you resolve your feelings over the birth. Meanwhile don't add pressure from yourself to confront this issue yet. Why don't you park it for a year, allow yourself to recover and settle into your new family dynamic before you imagine how it might change yet again.

100% what PP said.
Congrats, BTW

Congratulations. Honestly- and in the nicest possible way - you’re overthinking this. You have two lovely girls. Fantastic. Enjoy it. If you decide in time you’d like another, great. If not, you have two lovely girls.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself. i waited 7 years before I had another child. I now have 2 girls and there will be no more for me. This is how you feel now but it might not be forever. If you choose not have another that's absolutely fine too! Speak to mind about the trauma you have been through www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/ptsd-and-birth-trauma/

Congratulations I wish you all the best