Online dating first phonecall. Help I’m so nervous.

[Dodgypainting]

I’ve been emailing this man for a month and he seems lovely. He suggested chatting on the phone if I felt ok to do that. I do. In theory but I’m so nervous. I don’t know want to say/ask. I’m scared there will be awful silences. We are both oldies 60 and him 70. I’ve been shielding for a year. I feel I’ve literally nothing to talk about even though we seem to have enough to say in emails. I find writing much easier than talking to people I don’t know well though. Any advice. What to say. What not to say. I honestly feel like an awkward teen again.

Prepare yourself a list of questions/topics and conversation starters to read from. If you’re comfortable with writing (which I totally get) then thats your comfort blanket.

Expand on things you’ve recently said on email. Talk about films or books or series you’re both into or you would recommend/not recommend. Did you see the latest episode etc.

He will feel nervous and worried about silences too so it will be a team effort and if you bounce off each other in writing you should be fine! I think it’s exciting feeling like an awkward teen again (divorcee in my 40s). Good luck!

Oh - a good tongue in cheek/light opener could be “hello stranger”

How exciting! Good luck with the phone call. I’m sure it will be great. Agree with having a few questions jotted down in case of awkward silences and perhaps have a way to end the call if you need. I find that it can be exhausting talking to new people as there’s not that shared history of knowledge to build upon and it can feel more like a job interview type feeling with a lot of expectation and aim to make a good impression. Could you say something like I’d better go soon as I’m walking with my friend in 15 mins or whatever seems the most appropriate for the situation.

Wow, exciting times 😁

Just be honest and upfront about your nerves, it's a strange situation and if you were meeting face to face for the time you'd probably mention it so I'm sure he'll understand and quite possibly be relieved if he feels the same way. I'd imagine it's pretty normal to feel this way!

What kind of things do you speak about in your messages? Is there anything that would have a natural follow up - shared hobbies, family catch up, pets maybe? If not then see if there's anything interesting/different about his voice and whether it's what you expected. Mention that - I once had someone (a friends wife who i never met) tell me I sounded like someone from the TV and we got into a whole jokey discussion about that which led to us talking about which shows we like/dislike too.

As pp said, if having a pen and paper helps then go for it. Whether it's to write down questions or tke little notes of things you enjoyed talking about, it might help distract you too.

Good luck!!

Thanks for the suggestions. It’s 11 years since I was divorced and have enjoyed doing exactly what I want when I want and haven’t felt the need to be part of a couple. Lockdown did make me re-evaluate that though. I like the Hello stranger opening Tasty. That’s nice and light because I’m really not wanting the call to feel like an interview as RAOK says these calls can be.

EvilOnion. I’ve mentioned feeling nervous in the message where we arranged the time of the call. It’s the truth so I guessed he should know that and it might help if he feels nervous too.

I’m going to write some questions down just in case of the dreaded silences. That’s a really good idea. My neighbour met the love of her life in her 80s. He was the man next door! So there’s hope for us all I reckon.

That’s lovely about your neighbour!
Good luck with the call, let us know how it goes and how he sounds!
My current partner was once passed over on account of ‘his voice not being deep enough’. Crazy lady. Her loss!

Tasty. Thanks. That’s sad about your friends lack of a deep voice. The dating world can be brutal. I’m still very nervous but am going to write some questions down just in case of silences and hope he’s a good conversationalist. I’ll report back. He’s ringing about 8pm.

Just reporting back to say we chatted for 1.5 hours and there were no silences. He seems sweet and very considerate. We are going to meet up for a walk when the weather improves. My nerves went after a couple of minutes. Thanks for the help with tips for if things got awkward.

It's lovely to hear it went well. That's a great start and I hope the new friendship continues to give you pleasure.

That's lovely @Dodgypainting. I hope you get to go for your walk soon

Thank you museum and hotel. I hope there's a bit of a spark when we meet in real life. I'm really glad to have that first phonecall done though. I was ridiculously nervous about it.

How lovely 😊

Ah that's so lovely to read @Dodgypainting, good conversation is so important so fingers crossed you get your spark!

Spring is definitely on it's way here so it won't be long until you get to meet up for that walk 😊

Thank you I hope so too.

I remembered what you said about your friend not having a deep enough voice Tasty because his voice was a bit ‘old’ sounding. I don’t have a particularly nice speaking voice either as it’s a bit reedy and mumbly sounding so he might have not found mine that great either. It would be daft to miss out on the basis we don’t sound like Voiceover artists.

Wonderful!! Thanks for the update.

Aw what a great update thank you.

Indeed.. voices schmoices. I hope you on your walk soon and he is lovely in real life.

Aww thanks for the encouragement. Crossing fingers the real life meeting goes ok too.

I don’t know if anyone who replied is still around but I met up with the guy for a walk today after we started talking on the phone . He is easy to talk to and very gentlemanly and considerate. He came armed with a big bunch of daffs and two little presents that were relevant to something we had talked about a while back. I thought that was so sweet. Nice that he had picked up on and remembered something so inconsequential and got two perfect little things related to something it. He has a good sense of humour and was respectful and seems kind. So things have got off to a good start.

@DodgyPainting thanks for the update! So happy for you that he was nice in real life. And you’d bat beat thoughtful little pressies, shows he’s really into you.
I hope things are still progressing well for you ?

Until I saw this was back in March I was going to advise cutting out the phone call and going straight for meeting.

Well done! I think phone calls are really hard with someone you don't know. In the past I have said no thank you, can we meet up in person instead .