Moving back with parents at 32

[Wobblysausage]

I’m a single parent living in a private rented house. It was nice and quiet when we first moved in and my neighbour was an elderly lady. She moved out about 18 months ago and this family moved in. They were quiet at first but that soon changed. They’re an absolute nightmare! They regularly get drugs delivered and have loud parties. They’ve filled the side of my garden full of their crap (looks like a junk yard) and it looks like it’s part of my garden! Their kid is horrible and picks on my Dd. He bangs on my door, throws stuff at the windows and has smashed up Dd toys and he’s also started picking on her at school too. They fall out all the time and have the police involved. They’re making my life absolute hell.

I know it’s only going to get worse in Summer! The woman’s already informed me they’ll have to have parties in my garden as theirs is full of crap. I told her to clean her garden then and they’re not using mine.

I’ve gone round before to ask them to be quiet and for their child to stop terrorising me and Dd. She threatened me with violence. Last night they were partying until the early hours and then their child was banging on my door this morning and being a little shit. So I plucked up all my courage and asked politely for them to keep it down and for him to stop. It’s made things ten times worse and now they’re having another party even louder than ever and her friends keep shouting about coming over to beat me up. I considered calling the police but I know nothing will get done and it’ll just make things worse for me! Also her dad is their landlord so that’s not an option!

I’m sick of it. I just want to get away. I feel like such a failure that Dd has to live next to this and I can’t do anything to shield her from it. I feel so guilty that I’m sat in tears over it. I feel like such a shit mum.

I’ve been looking for somewhere else for months but there’s barely anything in my price range close to work and DD’s school. I don’t drive so my options are limited. Anything that is suitable goes straight away. I will keep looking though!

My dad lives alone in a 3 bedroom house and I’ve asked him if we can stay with him until we find somewhere but he’s not very keen on the idea and I do totally understand that I’m asking a lot. I think he’s coming around to the idea. But again I feel like such a failure for having to got back home at 32 and share a bedroom with Dd. I just don’t know what else I can do. I already have mental health problems and had a relapse not long ago due to Covid and this is just making me feel even worse. I’m a nice person and I don’t feel like I deserve any of this.

Am I a failure for wanting to run away and move back home?

No, you are not a failure at all . You sound lovely, and your neighbours sound horrendous. Move in with your dad asap while you look for somewhere else.

Think it is a bit rubbish of your Dad to not come and scoop you up, frankly, it sounds horrendous.

No not at all you can’t stay there with that carry on! I would go back and if you can make the best of it, extra time with your dad and maybe an opportunity to save a bit extra money up? You can’t be expected to put up with all that, what horrible neighbours!!! I’m annoyed for you!!

You’ve put up with that crap for far too long. Move home! You’ll be back on your feet soon enough.

Let's reword your question to Am I a failure to put my DC's mental health and safety first?

The answer is a definite no.

Or put it this way, are you being unreasonable to remove you and your daughter from a toxic environment to spend time with family? Nope. Are you being unreasonable to accept help from family when you're in an awful situation not of your making? Nope, again! Sounds like you need a long chat with your Dad. Hope it works out for you.

Nope, not a failure but taking the best option in a difficult situation not of your making. Are you with the same landlord as your neighbours, i.e. her dad?

You are not any kind of failure, you are a good parent and have showed much more courage than many.

Your dad, having a 3 bed house to himself and being reluctant to put up his daughter and grandchild who are under three of violence, well, that is a parenting fail. I can’t imagine being so uncaring.

You deserve better all round really OP.

Thank God it's a rental and you don't own it. Of course, get away as quickly as you can.

Your dd will enjoy sharing a bedroom with you, it'll be fun for her.

Sounds like you'll have to try hard to avoid pissing off your dad though.

After you've moved in with your Dad you could also apply for social housing?

I thinking moving away from horrific neighbours is a priority.

You know up and until, when, the 80s(?) it was completely normal for single adults to live with their parents if it was convenient and still is in some cultures.

I've had to do it for a while and I have so many friends who have also done so. That's what the family home is for.

You're not a failure because you have neighbours from hell, or because affordable housing is in short supply.

Of course, we might feel better when we can continue to live in our place but another perspective is that we're fortunate to have the option to move home - i bet those who don't wouldn't consider you a failure either. It could also be a chance to spend some quality time with your dad.

Whether you end up living with him again for a while or not, you are most definitely not a failure.

Think it is a bit rubbish of your Dad to not come and scoop you up, frankly, it sounds horrendous.

This. If I was your parent that is exactly what I would do. You must get yourself and your dd out of such an awful environment. Take time to regroup, save some money and decide what to do next.

Thank you everyone. It’s such a horrible situation and I just want to get away from it all. I’ve put up with it for a while now and I just can’t take it anymore and I know it’s only going to get worse as the weather gets warmer! I hate the thought of Dd not feeling comfortable in her own home. Breaks my heart.

I know if my mum were still alive she would have had us moved back home months ago but my dad is a bit odd when it comes to stuff like this. He’s not the best at advice and helping solve problems. He thinks we just have to put up with things and get on with it.