Do others with anxiety feel like this?

[Chickady]

I have bad anxiety (have tried all sorts including CBT, medication etc) - mostly around health and dying (me or loved ones). One thing in particular is I feel completely unable to be happy as I worry if I am happy I am tempting fate and something bad will then happen. I know this is totally irrational and illogical but I still feel it. If I ever feel peaceful and happy I immediately catch myself and think yes but don't enjoy it as it won't last.

Nothing catastrophic has ever happened in my life to make me feel like this.

Does anyone else do this and have you managed to get over it? I'm so sick of feeling unable to enjoy my life because of it. I know it makes no sense whatsoever.

Just me then

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/4180500-health-anxiety-part-4

Thought I would link this thread xx

Yip, pretty standard I think. The worrying because you have nothing to worry about. I have to say CBT has worked well for me this far, how many sessions did you have? My therapist had openly said she’s not doing purist CBT with me but more talking therapy and rationalisation - have you got someone you can talk to to help rationalise situations?

I get similar. Not that I can't be happy but more that I can't be complacent.

Yes, I have exactly the same problem. When I’m happy I’m scared of making plans or build up on this feeling as I’m worried that something bad might happen. I don’t know what to do with it tbh.

Yes.... I definately am like this. Just started meds again to balance me out a bit, as I'm a constant worrier but with less routine and more time on my own to think it's a nightmare.

I am always cautious about being relaxed and happy as I feel things tend to go wrong when I am... So I air on the side of caution in my head and its not often I am 100% happy and relaxed. I also don't get excited about things in case they go wrong.

I don't want to be like this but I am.

Parents: One over anxious, huge worrier and the other suffers depression. I'm a mix of both but hide it reasonably well and only close friends know.

Yes, I get you. I’m very similar.

I had a lot of therapy and for me a lot of it boiled down to how I was raised: highly critical and anxious mother, who non-consciously put her anxieties onto me and ‘trained’ me to not trust my own instincts and opinions. And to distrust my own happiness.

When I was little punishments for behaviour were disproportionate. I was ‘taught’ very young that my judgement was off somehow, that I would always get things wrong. That the world was out to get me.

Happy situations and so on trigger this anxiety for me.

So I hear you. It’s tough. I’m aware of some of the thought and feeling processes now, that helps a lot.

I've had months and months of CBT with different therapists. It just did nothing for me. I know how I feel is irrational. I know how to rationalise. I just don't feel it iyswim.

I have a serious issue taking on other people's emotions and problems as well, like if my DM or my DH or my sister (for instance) are unhappy/ill I can't really cope until they're OK. Which will not serve me well. I've had extensive therapy and basically nothing seems to work. Feeling quite in despair this evening.

During the first lockdown, I completely stopped doing any of the craft stuff I love, because I felt I didn’t deserve to do things I enjoy. So I made a miserable time even more miserable.

Its not irrational as a thought. It actually won't last. Its genuinely impossible to feel happy all the time. Content, yes. If you accept that then its easier to appreciate it and try to cultivate it more. Mindfulness is good for this and also Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

@Chickady

I've had months and months of CBT with different therapists. It just did nothing for me. I know how I feel is irrational. I know how to rationalise. I just don't feel it iyswim.

I have a serious issue taking on other people's emotions and problems as well, like if my DM or my DH or my sister (for instance) are unhappy/ill I can't really cope until they're OK. Which will not serve me well. I've had extensive therapy and basically nothing seems to work. Feeling quite in despair this evening.

It sounds like boundaries would help . Good that you recognise this.

I tell myself I'm catastrophising... that helps. . And if theres a repetitive thought I tell myself I'm ruminating, and if it comes back I just comment on it.. ruminating... and if I cant figure it out I write it all down... paper doesn't judge you.. and ask myself is it really true, or am I being too harsh on myself... too judgemental. . Etc.. and I pray.

I am like that except that a lot of bad things have happened to me, some of which are of permanent/life long nature.

There are times when I am briefly happy when out walking which I love but I know it won't last.

I also noticed that for me the negative feelings go in a cycle. As I don't menstruate anymore, it could be some very residual hormones still at play.

Sometimes when particularly down I take vitamin d which seems to damp down the negative thinking, maybe there is something in it or maybe just a placebo effect.

Never tried counselling as I don't believe talking about the problem that will never go way is going to work.