2 under 2 what to expect (due in 2 months)

[AyyX]

Hi there, it’s my first time posting on this forum. I have a toddler that’s 15months and I’m expecting a baby in May. My toddler is currently quite clingy to me and I just wanted to get some advice from parents who have or are going through this experience of having 2 babies close in age. I know my toddler will get very jealous once new baby arrives and I wanted to hear other parent’s experiences, how they coped and what they did to help their toddler understand. Thank you!

When DS was born, I used to feed him with DD sitting on my other leg so she didn't feel excluded and could still hug me.

Also if DS needed feeding when out and about, I would head towards the nearest playground so DD could wander around a safe contained area as feeding can take ages.

I have a 22 month gap between mine.

I have a 17 month gap between mine.
Tbh DD1 wasn't jealous at all. I thought she would be, but she was constantly on the go which helped, and into everything. Baby was in the sling so I could follow with two hands if necessary!

The first time she saw her sister, baby was in the crib rather than in my arms so I could cuddle eldest properly and make a fuss of her.

Generally though before the birth I read - every single day - stories about new baby arriving. One just had pictures so I could chat in a very simplistic way, the other had a funny story. And of course we bought her her own doll (which she showed no interest in whatsoever ).

Baby also brought DD a present when she arrived, but she was a bit young for that concept I think.

It was a bit of a blur the first few months, but really ok. We fell into a routine and lots of DD2's naps coincided with DD1's which helped me!

Thank you for your response! How did your DD react to seeing your DS for the first time/in the first couple days?

Also my toddler does this thing where she has to touch my belly/nipple to comfort herself when she’s tired or about to fall asleep. I’m hoping she won’t be a nightmare when newborn comes along because she is at the stage where she throws a lot of tantrums when she doesn’t get her way

@DinosApple
Thanks for your response! That sounds very reassuring! I think I’ll need to order myself a sling. With my toddler someone had got me a baby carrier but I hardly used it and when I did one side would always fall off my shoulder, not sure if I wore it properly or not or it was a rubbish one. I want to try a sling this time though!

TBH, I didn't really explain to her beforehand about getting a sibling as she has some developmental delays she wouldn't have understood.

The first time she saw DS she ignored him because she wanted to see me, which was fine. She wasn't interested in him at all when he was a newborn.

She did get jealous when I started to wean him as she thought that he'd be taking her food. 😅

DD & DS do now have a very close relationship (They are 3 & 4 at the moment).

Two under two is incredibly hard work, and I must admit I found it exhausting and challenging in so many ways. Jealousy from the eldest was one thing that was never a problem though - we always made sure she was listened to and we both had frequent one to one time with her (we were careful to do the same with the cats too so they didn’t get stressed either ).

The advantage of a close age gap is that the eldest very quickly forgets they were ever a sole child, and the new one becomes a normal part of the family very quickly. They are also at a similar stage throughout their childhood, so you can take them to age appropriate places for both of them without having to juggle interests. They can play together without the eldest feeling that they have to do ‘babyish’ things.

There are lots of advantages - once you get past the grind of the first couple of years! I say that as someone who prefers older children to babies/toddlers though; some people love the early years!

I’d recommend getting a good double pram.
I had lots (7) but mountain buggy duet was the best biggest gap 15 months smallest gap 11 months! Born in the same year.

I’d always over buy/ stock baby grows (never turn washing around quick) especially in the night and some days I couldn’t be bothered/ too tired to wash.
Have lots of nappy stations in diff rooms makes it easier than just going to one area to change nappies
Sleep in the pm when everyone has a zzzz
Get shopping delivered in weekly

@VenusClapTrap
It’s only kicking in that I’m going to be having two babies under 2 and I’m not sure how I’m going to do it haha! Thanks for your response! I’m looking forward to them growing up together and playing together!

@Ilovechoc12
I was thinking about double prams but bought a board instead for now, will see how that goes.
I’m the same! I always stock up on baby grows too, I’m always too worried I won’t have any if I don’t do the washing in time haha. Thanks for the advice!

Also I’m dreading the nappy explosions 🤢😩 I was so glad that stage was over with my DD. Now I’m going to have to do it all over again haha.

As soon as soft play opens I'd look to head there often on a weekday. You can feed baby and keep your toddler contained in a small area. Even better if you can meet a friend there too.

When feeding at home either read to the toddler, put on a favourite TV show or give snacks.

I found the first 6 months of having two very close in age reasonably easy then chaos for about 3 years!

Definitely get a double buggy- even if it’s just to contain them for 5 mins whilst you pop into a shop or they have a rest. I didn’t originally and bought one after a few months.

15 month age gap between mine. Toddler started nursery same week baby was born (Baby born a month early) so lots of changes at the same time which I felt terrible about. Toddler needed lots of cuddles and reassurance and got it in spades from both me and DH but the possessiveness in our case only lasted a fortnight, after which the toddler knew baby was here to stay so accepted his new life! Having two under two is really, really tough though so set your expectations accordingly. Our baby was a month old when lockdown one happened and we all found the isolation, etc. really hard. Plus, the differing levels of care for the toddler and baby really pushed me mentally and tested our marriage overall. A year on and I think we're past the worst of it but my two are now constantly at loggerheads with each other- that is stressful too! If you've got lots of support and distractions around you, you'll be okay. If not, plan to have things put in place now before the baby arrives and you don't have a minute to yourself.

@Parentpower20

I found the first 6 months of having two very close in age reasonably easy then chaos for about 3 years!

Does it get better after that? Mine are 1 and two massively competitive of one another- I find myself playing referee 90% of the time :/ need some hope as I don't think I can tolerate this for the next 14 years!

Mine are 5 and 6 and definitely easier. I was a SAHP so that meant the kids were together a lot. Being away from each other for the school day means they are excited to be together again. They have their moments of course, but not even remotely close to how hard it was with a 3yr old and 18month old! I did also have to ban all competition (except board games) so no “who can be the first to get their pjs on?!” type of thing as it fed the competition. Do you have two the same sex?

Put the baby down or give him/her to DH when you see DD for the first time after the birth. It is really important that your arms are empty to give her a massive, reassuring cuddle before you go together to introduce her to the baby.

I’ve had two sets of 2 under 2 with a 5 year gap in between! So 18 months between the first two, then 5 year gap between 2 and 3 and the 18 months between 3 and 4.
It’s hard work, really hard work but mainly because (to me) it’s mind numbingly boring - the first year of having a baby no matter what the age gap of the others is hard work and monotonous!

BUT after that first year life is a breeze, they have a playmate, they’re into the same things can do the same stuff and their in consecutive school years so not too much juggling of different school runs!

I think a lot depends on your expectations, my children are older now but when they were babies pretty much everyone I knew had an 18 month gap between their children, I find it a little hard to get used to the concept that it's in any way unusual.

I can't really think of any specific advice for that reason, we all just got on with it I guess because it was the norm iyswim, no one would have thought advice was needed. So my general advice would be to expect nothing and go with the flow, there isn't any reason you won't do just as good a job as the mums of 20 years ago.

I've got 4 under 5. There is 13 months between my 2 first. The best tip I was given is to prioritise. If they're both crying, picking both of them most likely won't comfort either so prioritise the needs to sort them out quickly.
That and being organised. Having older child's lunch ready the night before, for example, so if baby needs a feed at that time, you're ready!
My 2 boys are now 4 and a half and 3 and a half. They definitely have a love hate relationship. They fight like cat and dog but then defend each other when one gets in trouble!
My other 2 are 21 months and 7 months. I just try (!) and make sure they all get attention. My dd (21 months) is the only one who seems to get cross when I can't get to her straight away. Think that's her personality!

We just scraped two under two (22 month gap) and we're only 4 months in but so far it's been much easier than I expected. As others have said, they soon forget they were ever an only child. My toddler was, still is, extremely clingy but she was never jealous of the baby funnily enough. She also has a language delay and her speech leapt forward when the he came home, she loves pointing out (sometimes in!) his eyes, nose etc. Definitely invest in a decent sling if you can, you can pay attention to the toddler while keeping the baby close. I'd recommend having a safe place in each room where you can chuck the baby in a hurry if the toddler's about to brain herself on something. The really lovely thing is how they balance each other - the newborn stage is far less dull with a toddler to chat to, and the worst tantrums are bearable when you have a cute little baby cooing at you. You'll have a great time!