Help me with overweight and underweight children?

[ThereWillBeSun]

I posted on the Children's Health board but it's not getting any replies, hoping this might get seen more!

We have my DC's in the house full time, and my DP's in the house 50/50. We try our best to treat them all as fairly as possible, and serve a good variety of food, encourage as much exercise as we can etc.

However, no matter how well we try, my DC are underweight (me and their DF are not!) but my DP's are very overweight.

We try to give them well balanced meals, limit snacks etc, but DP's DC get heavier and heavier. We know that they're basically living off pasta, cheese and called at their DM's house, but obviously can't verify portion sizes. There's nothing we can do about that of course, we can only moderate what we do here, but trying to limit their portions, snacks etc, whilst trying to encourage mine to eat more is proving very difficult.

My DC who is most underweight has sensory difficulties relating to being on the autistic spectrum, so I'm just happy to have him eat, no matter what- but how can we balance this with my DP's dc who really need to be so careful with what they eat?

I absolutely don't want this to become an issue that they're under pressure about eating, and there's always an element of "mummy lets us eat whatever we want" which is very disheartening for my DP.

Grateful for any advice!

I realise this will be a huge hassle for you, but can you secretly swap some of the ingredients that you give your DC and DP’s DC?
For example, giving your DC full fat milk, cheese, yoghurt etc, and giving your DP’s DC semi-skimmed, reduced fat cheese and yogurt. I’m sure there are more options too.
On the surface they will think they are eating the same as it will look the same.
I know these are only small things but it might make a bit of difference.

If you cook a balanced, healthy meal (for example salmon, potatos and a selection of different veg) would all the kids be willing to eat it?

I'm just thinking that if you cook nutritious meals it matters a little less if some of the dc eat a bigger portion to satisfy their appetite.

If this is just a no go then I would serve the same correct-for-age portion size for each DC so that at least the overweight kids won't overeat so much.

I disagree on different fat contents. Fats are good for satisfying the apetite and creating a full feeling and beneficial to both children's needs. Sensible portions of full-fat foods are good for children.

Smaller portions and allowing managed amounts of seconds is probably better for both. It slows down children prone to over eating and gives more chance to let their appetite respond, especially if there is a small delay, and large portions can be intimidating to reluctant eaters.
In observing years of children's parties with youth groups, heavy children often pile the plate up initially, the lean whippet types take a smaller portion then come up for more, more frequently but are better at taking what they need and stopping when they need. There's also a strong chance that they were running around more to stimulate the appetite at that event.

Ultimately there will be limits on what you can achieve when they live between different households, and probably have different metabolic needs as well as the sensory needs.

Make sure the step-DCs drink plenty. Drinking water 20 minutes before eating is good for hydration and regulating appetite.

Sorry I didn't see the replies after I went to bed and I've been poorly today!

Some great ideas, especially the water before a meal. I don't know why I hadn't thought of that!

We serve the meals so we control portions, if we give too much to the dc's who are overweight they will eat it and still ask for more, they can't moderate. Whilst my underweight ones are less likely to eat a reasonable amount if you give them too much, so they all get shall I portions and were careful about who gets more- but they notice this.

We also try really hard to make the majority of it nutritional (salmon and veg has actually been one of meals this week!).

We've used homeschooling as a chance to educate on healthy eating, lifestyles etc as well.

You can only have limited success with the health of children you only have half of the week. It's easy to get overweight by eating appropriately for half the week and too much the other half. You are doing the right thing by focusing on nutrition, as you can give the step DC some good building blocks that way. If you can find a healthy breakfast they really enjoy, that would be great as people tend to eat the same couple of breakfasts every day but have a wider variety for dinner.

We serve the meals so we control portions, if we give too much to the dc's who are overweight they will eat it and still ask for more, they can't moderate

I understand what you are trying to do but the above is likely to exacerbate the issue, they come to yours and experience hunger so when they get home they increase their portions. They can't learn to moderate as both families are failing them, you by controlling and their mum by the extreme opposite. Also what may seem a lot because of how little yours eat may be a normal portion to others.
I think trying to model healthy eating as you are doing and trying to help them to help themselves is a great idea, I do really feel for you and I'm not trying to be unkind, I just have experience of very similar.

The half a week does make it incredibly difficult. However, if we don't try to help it then we're actively making it worse... we can't win

The problem with ours compared to DM's (both being home) rather than being portion sizes though, is the actual type of food. We get lots of complaints about our food because they literally only want to eat bread, cake, biscuits and pasta (with only cheese on). They rarely complain about the portions, but often complain about what the food is, and about not being able to eat anything at any time in between. They still often leave food when it comes to actual meals.

Not really anything to add but just wanted to say it’s hard with kids across 2 homes. My step children’s mum used to feed them a lot of takeaway foods which meant that DP rarely felt able to give them takeaway or treats as they had already eaten so much crap that week.