If you have a healthy relationship with food- how do you teach your children?

[trunumber]

My relationship with food is messed up. I'm obese and I eat shit all the time. I don't let DS (4 yes old) see how badly I eat.

I want him to have a healthy relationship with food. He loves junk food and often asks for some, and truthfully does have a something each day. I don't want to make it forbidden and thus more wanted.

I've taught him about what food does for our bodies (mainly the good, occasionally saying too much sugar is bad for the teeth but he knows junk food has no nutritional content)

Lately when he's having dinner, he will ask me if he can finish. If he's barely eaten (rare) I ask him to eat a tiny little more. If he hasn't eaten any vegetables I ask him to eat a few more (which he always does)
Is this good or bad? Am I teaching him to overide his own hunger signals or realistically do you sometimes just have to make your children eat more?

Any advice would be appreciated
(Ps I know I also need to change my own eating behaviour- I am trying but that isn't the focus of this post- I just want to learn to do right by him)
Thanks

We don't have junk food like fizzy drinks, squash, biscuits, cake, chocolate, sweets in the house as a routine thing. They are not banned (and when they get them at times like Christmas or Easter they are allowed to control their own intake, knowing that when it's gone it's gone) but they are not an everyday thing. So the snack options available are savoury or fruit or we have to bake them ourselves if we want a 'treat' (the teenagers are very good bakers now!). We talk about portion sizes for different things, like how much fruit or veg is a portion and how its important to eat fruit and veg at every meal but also what's a proper portion for dairy (mainly because they were going through cheese at a ridiculous rate) or nots or other more calorific snack foods. During the week we only drink water or milk, they get a glass of fruit juice with dinner at the weekend when DH and I have wine. They are expected to try a taste of everything but if they don't like a meal or ar not hungry they don't have to eat it, I'm very relaxed about a fussy child not eating at a mealtime then having a sandwich an hour later. We try and not pander to their tastes too much, we always eat together and I'll happily make them a 'challenging' meal not expecting them to eat much.

I suppose the underlying principle is to a) make available a variety of healthy foods and b) teach them to listen to their body and c) not be afraid to try new things. C is the hardest!

Don’t have the junk food in the house. Dont make that your and his normal. Start by Learning to cook 5 good quality healthy meals fast and well. Dont rely on processed shit. Fruit as desserts.

Don't reward or treat with food.

I don't let DS (4 yes old) see how badly I eat
Then where is this food kept? When are you eating it? He will see it no matter how you hide it. And he will see it as something you do that he can’t do and he will want to do the same. You need to model good habits.

Thank you.
We didn't have junk food in the house when I was a kid. It feels like it's part of what makes me have no control over it now as an adult (I still feel literally like a kid in a sweet shop)

I eat it when he's not around. When I'm working or he's asleep. I'm not saying that's ok, I know it's not and I want to change. He doesn't realise yet but he will realise soon enough that I'm fat so I want to change for him. It's not about appearance but wanted to be healthy for him.

When you talk about cooking fresh stuff - is a pre made sauce allowed (DH and I do cook when he's eating with us, he eats at childcare sometimes) we use all fresh ingredients aside from sauces (ie pasta or curry sauce)

I teach them by

• all eating family meals together at the table
• serve small portions first and then have second helpings if hungry. but they have to finish the veg in the first helping before getting more of other things
• not talking too much about food / health etc. I think discussing food every meal time makes it too much of a focus.
• if the meal is late, I'll put carrot sticks or other veg on the table as a starter. best to eat the veg when hungry.
• don't be surprised if kids eat very small portions.

I'll definitely use pre-made sauces & easy things. Frozen peas are great, baked beans are fine etc.

Thank you, I'm genuinely appreciating the replies.
apart from his love of some junk food he's a good eater. He will happily eat veg and fruit. I think our portion sizes are good (for clarity I eat a healthy dinner with him, it's the junk food after that he doesn't see me eat)

Moderation in most things.
A pleasure in cooking and sharing meals.
Confidence in themselves and their bodies.
Not making food the focus of life; no fuss, no persuasion but simply ‘Here is good food. Eat it or don’t. Choose what you eat, but don’t expect anything else”.
Nothing prohibited except diet cola. Explanation as to why.
Huge great chocolate fests at Christmas and Easter. Ice cream every day on holiday. Nothing but pancakes on Shrove Tuesday. Fun shopping for ice cream for pudding (with sprinkles, sauce, flakes, whatever) through the kitchen window after the main course was eaten.
No constant snacking. No piles of junk in the house. Takeaways as an occasional treat only.

Premade sauces are expensive and full of sugar and don't taste as good as homemade but in the grand scheme of things they are really not a big issue and you need to do what works for you.

As far as the junk food goes all the evidence shows if it's not in the house it's not eaten, but I think you need to be laid back about it and not make a big deal about not having it. I doubt my 8yo realises we have less of that food than other people yet because like I said it's not banned, it's just not an everyday thing. The 13yo knows but understands why.

don't be surprised if kids eat very small portions
This is important.

But also really look at your own portions. You're probably overeating at meal times too if youre obese. Spend time looking at healthy amounts of food. Really focusing on getting it right and knowing what a healthy amount looks like.

Think about why you’re over eating. Boredom or sadness? Only eat, even snacks, sat at the dining table with no distractions. No phone. No tv. No book.

It feels like it's part of what makes me have no control over it now as an adult
Youre an adult. You absolutely do have control.

With respect Freddy, if it were that simple for me I wouldn't be obese would I? I clearly have disordered eating, I know that but (ideally) this thread isn't about me. I want to make sure my drive to make him eat healthy (ie making him eat a few more vegetables) wasn't making it worse