Do they just not like me?

[makinganavalon]

Hi, just hear to have a rant really and see what you all think.
I moved to the area I live a couple of years ago and with no intention of starting a family. Well, I now have a lovely 19 month old, who I worry is not get enough social contact.
I knew two families with children right from when I first moved here, one with two five and six year olds and one who had a baby 5 months after me and that was it. Before lockdown I would see them often but usually at friends houses or parties of mutual friends etc. But since lockdown trying to get hold of them to meet up has been impossible. I'm puzzled to be honest as I thought we were really good friends. But they just don't reply to messages although they have blue ticks, and I know from other mutual friends they do meet up with others.
I've not just sat back and let my daughter have no friends. I have made other nice mum friends and she has some social interaction with them.
I just wonder what happened though? Did I do something wrong? Should I keep texting them to let them know I'm thinking of them incase they are depressed or what? It actually has really hurt me that they have had no contact, or have replied to meet up only to no-show with no explanation and no answer to phonecall. This has surprised me as I thought I was more thick skinned. But I think I'm hurt on account of my little one, as they were the only ones I knew with potential friends for her.
Am I in the wrong here for being needy? Should I just leave them alone or should I confront the situation if they answer the phone, or drop a card through?
I feel like I'm going mad but it's really made me feel a bit crap to be honest!

I think you need to leave them alone, I’m sorry, it seems they were never your friends, more you just saw them at friends houses, so they were more your friends friends than yours.

Don’t take it personally, they likely habe enough on their plates, and don’t want to meet uo with extra people during Covid.

But I think you need to take the hint and leave them be now,,I’m sorry 💐

No more contact and NEVER chase for friends!!! That's my rule anyway.

If they are reading and not replying, that IS their reply. So dont chase them. Dont message ever again either.

I'm going through this too. Moved area, knew some people, they didn't reply when I messaged. So I stopped messaging and deleted their numbers. When I see them around I'll say hi but I'll know they're not going to be friends.

Stick to people you can trust. Friendship is a plant of slow growth that withstands adversity. These relationships have faltered.

Thanks so much for replies.
Bluntness, you are right we have been to each others house before Covid, but they must be more friends of friends and just being nice etc.
I think you are both right and it's a huge relief for people to tell me the cold hard facts. I shall delete numbers, move on etc. I'm satisfied I tried to reach out if they were going through bad times, but now I can see I am chasing out of loneliness. But I shall just continue to make new friends up here (long slow process with Covid), and look forward to when I can see my old friends when we can travel again.

That's the spirit xxx

I thought I had friends too. But during this latest lockdown they’ve all childcare bubbled with each other and ignored me and dd completely. They also have their children in school and just keep whittering on about how hard it is. I’ve had to turn the notices off their Facebook posts. I’ve been left alone struggling hugely with home schooling and slowly improving long covid. It hurts. I don’t have many friends and I thought I treasured the ones I had. I guess not!

Oh Crayfish, that sounds awful. Its so much worse when you are feeling it for your children too as I have discovered. Well done for all your doing. It must be so difficult with long Covid. To make new friends I've literally just been going up to mums at the park and saying that I'm worried about my daughter's social skills and I don't know many people round here. I've managed to make one friend with a lovely little girl and we meet up once a week. I've also made friends with another mum but she's a bit hit and miss as is homeschooling an older child too. Its still hard though as I'd like my old friends- I liked them!! But it's not to be. I hope you can find some peace too, some new friends and that your long Covid improves.

*one friend who has a lovely little girl

Hello @Crayfishforyou I came onto an old post to reread advice as I was having a wobble and rereading your comment made me wonder how you were doing and if you were ok now schools back etc and are feeling less lonely? Hope all is well with you although my 'friends' from before havent got back in touch, the new ones I've made are turning out to be lovely and so there is hope

Op what was their personal situation over lockdown? Their lack of contact may be more to do with coping and not a personal thing against you. Most people I know have had a rough year either financially, homeschooling, relationship wise or have increased work demands. Theres been a lot of getting heads down and getting on with it. The 12th of April was only recently and many I know are being careful and pacing contact due to relatives with poor health.

I know a few people who have developed social anxiety due to Covid. So it could well be their fear that is preventing them from meeting up. I would concentrate on people who do want to meet up, which it sounds like you are doing

Look, it could be all sorts, but their behaviour towards you isn’t kind. Ignoring people, agreeing to meet up then not showing... you wouldn’t do that to other people, so no need to put up with it being done to you.

I have a version of this - acquaintance who is always gushing about meeting up, how lovely it’ll be to meet up once we can etc etc. Then when I invite her she’ll usually agree but then bail at the last minute for a reason that isn’t a last-minute reason iyswim. It may be anxiety, it may be some other issue I’m not aware of but frankly at some point that isn’t my problem.

That's a positive update OP sorry about the old friends but balls to them 😉 onwards and onwards.

@makinganavalon things are slightly more friendly now the schools are back.
But I think I thought we were friends when others thought we were friendly.
It’s hard as I’m a bit of a newcomer to this city and they’ve all been here for years and years. They have deeply established family and friendship groups and I have neither.
When my job opens again it’s evenings and weekends which makes it tricky. But it’s a very friendly place and I can’t wait to go back