This year has been crazy for so many of us. January 1st I felt hopeful about it all, I had a good job, just won two awards for my performance in 2020, in a really happy place with home and family, had spent a year without my anxiety medication and feeling mentally strong and positive about things getting better in my world and the wider world.
And then one thing after another it all fell apart.
Found out I was pregnant with third child. Then lockdown happened and I found myself homeschooling two again whilst working full time, our employees were less sympathetic than they were previously. Then work announced a restructure that would would reveal in March which caused me worry. Then I got hyperemesis gravidarum, spent 8 weeks in bed not being able to eat or stop being sick. Unable to look after my children at all which meant my husband had to shoulder it all alone with a stressful job.
As a result of the illness I lost loads of weight, got more physical health problems as a result. Then I got diagnosed with perinatal depression. Finally yesterday my role which always felt pretty secure, was completely deleted from the new structure. This was announced publicly and told there were over 1000 job losses and very few jobs to reapply for. I had no contact the whole day from HR or management which I would have expected to talk through what my options are being pregnant and very unwell and at risk.
I feel weak and in a bad headspace to deal with any of this! I feel have no support. I realise that if I lose my job I will struggle to find another one, the and that whatever I do, if I don't find a way to stay I will lose maternity pay. This will totally impact my life and ability to spend any time off with the baby when it arrives. I feel like I am in despair and that things keep going wrong. Lockdown has compounded everything with there being no one that can help or support us.
I guess I just wanted some support or hand holding. Has anyone else had a whole load of life changing things happen in quick succession and come out stronger for it? How do I stop spiralling downwards when I feel so physically and mentally unwell and so many things are out of my control?