Has anyone got over feelings of insecurity leading to bad behaviour?

[Throwit]

I wondered if other people might have had similar insecruties and how they manage worries about what others might be thinking?

I often feel too awkward for life.Its not really a size thing, but i feel like im too big the only way i can explain it is i feel like buddy the elf in the north pole.

I get very worried that other people think badly of me, so can have troubles socially (eg assuming people dont want to spend time with me/ are only being polite by inviting me thus declining and appearing rude

The worst thing is that i can then act badly to try and "control" others thinking about me/ to act correctly. This comes out in many ways but in the past ive done things like read others texts etc to try and see what they are saying about me so i can change accordingly . For instance once i read someones had written privately somewhere that something i did was annoying, so i then made sure i changed what i was doing. I really struggle with the idea of not knowing what others are thinking about me

I realise its absolutely abhorant and that its not okay and want to change this. Im not controlling in other ways eg. im not worried about partner spending time with others etc

I guess the other thing to say is that i have previously been told that im very "stuck in my head" when i was experiencing anxiety and that some of my experiences of "otherness", needing to read others could stem from both anxiety or ASD.

I dont know if that fits

It does sound as though you could do with doing some work on self love. What's your life like in general. Are you happy with your job / relationships / health etc? Making changes e.g. treating yourself better helps you feel better about yourself and more self confident. And it doesn't happen overnight, but small steps done regularly on self care, and on pursuing what you really want to (e.g. career etc) make a big difference. Once you're happy in yourself you will be more secure.

Also try to focus on the good things. And when you hit a bump in the road try to change your negative thought pattern by interrupting it and moving on to something you're interested in, or looking forwards to.

Finally it really sounds as though you could do with some counselling or therapy.