Can’t sleep, just need to get this all out

[AllyBama]

I’m not in the UK, hence trying to sleep.
My DP is going away to work tomorrow morning for 4 nights which will be the first time he’s done that since we’ve had our DS. Now, I’m perfectly capable of looking after him on my own (it’s 4 bloody nights for Christ’s sake) but I’m absolutely gobsmacked at how much it’s thrown me. My stomach is in knots. I think probably because my ex husband became fly-in fly-out worker shortly before we married and it absolutely was a major contributor to our marriage breakdown and I suppose the thought of my DP going away has dredged up old feelings of anxiety and memories of the person I used to be back then.

And the my stupid brain goes ‘oh well if you’re worrying about stuff, here’s some other things to put on the pile’ and my mind goes mental thinking of all the other things that are bothering me lately.

Like our gorgeous, beautiful, bright and happy DS. Turned 2 in November. Can only say maybe 20 words. Thing is though, he doesn’t shut up. Constant stream of babble in a conversational manner, complete with hand gestures. Has complete comprehension (get your shoes, where’s your water bottle etc). Plenty of eye contact. Will point to what he wants. But just won’t speak really at all. And I’m trying not to let it worry me but it is. I just want to hear him talk like his friends can. He can’t say his name or name body parts. Won’t tell me he’s hungry but will take my hand and walk me to the pantry. We to him read every night. Sing to him every day. Talk to him allll day. He goes to day care once a week. He’s very tall for his age (98th centile) so even I have to remind myself that he’s only 2, not 3 as everyone assumes and they all run their own race BUT on the other hand what if I should be doing something about it now? What is the correct thing to do?

So yeah, throw in a major house renovation this year and I’m also an ICU nurse, my normally tolerable stress levels are peaking right now and I just felt the need to dump all that out into the infinite void of the internet at ten past midnight.

Dear reader if you’ve stuck with me this far then I thank you and if you have any words I’d wisdom then I’m all ears.

Wow, I'd be a bit of a gibbering wreck with all that too!

Does your DP know your concerns? I hope so, because if you are open with him, he's going to know to reassure you, and that you need that extra reassurance.

Your little fella sounds gorgeous! Children talk in their own time, his comprehension sounds fantastic. You're doing all the right things - if you're concerned, is there a health visitor or doctor you could talk to?

Do you have friends or family around you for support and help when your DP is away for work?

ICU nurse, and major house renovation on top - they'd be looking for me in a vat of wine with a snorkel and a straw. . .

I suppose he knows I don’t love him going away but not for the specific reasons I’ve given here. I don’t really want to drag all that shit up to be honest. He hates going away too, misses our DS terribly but the money is great and he does it so rarely that it hasn’t been an issue until I was lying awake in bed last night.

I think I will call our community health nurse today, even if it ends up just being for reassurance or at worst, referral to a speech pathologist. Which lets be honest isn’t a bad thing at all.

And yes thank you for asking, I do have fantastic friends and family around when DP is away.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s all going to be fine but very occasionally I just can’t get out of my own head, thank you for replying x

Your boy sounds just like both of mine were. I used to feel odd before OH went away too - absolute trust but it just threw me. You’ve got a lot on and you could probably do with a brew, a chat and a hug. x

Massive hug. Everything feels worse at night doesn’t it?

Writing down my worries helps me. Gets them out rather than round and round in my head. Any to do points I’ve thought of so my brain isn’t trying to remember them.

For your DS, maybe ask for a hearing check just to rule that out?

It will be ok xx

Sounds like you have it all under control and are just having a wobble.

I would think of the time you and your DC have alone together as valuable and precious, it rarely happens.

Some would give half of our kingdoms to have a bit of alone time after all this corona forced togerthness lol. You will be fine.

Thank you all for your kind words xx