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Original poster

Kids dad won't give them back

37 replies

PipersOrange · 01/03/2021 10:25

I've kept some details in this deliberately vague but could do with some advice as I'm at a bit of a loss.

My friend is separated from her kid's dad, unamicable - she's tried multiple times to go no contact. He picked them up from school last week and is now refusing to give them back. SS have recommended that he doesn't see them (previous emotional abuse / drugs) however nothing concrete has been agreed yet. The school have said she cannot pick them up early and she is scared of a showdown at the gates if she tries to get them today.

What can she do!? SS aren't giving any guidance and she's getting pretty upset by the whole thing. Does she just have to wait until he says she can have them? She's cut all contact with him and tried to mediate through a third party but he is not going along with this.

I was tempted to suggest she makes up a doctors appointment to pick up early but that will just cause this to escalate in the long run..

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/03/2021 15:35

Can she refuse to return them to school? If SS have actions to undertake re contact with the dad, then she needs to notify them that the children are remaining with her until this is rectified as the risk of being with dad are there and school can release them.

SS may then put something in place quickly to mean the school cannot release the children to their father

Original poster
PipersOrange · 01/03/2021 15:56

The dad has picked the other child up from nursery - the nursery wouldnt let either one of the parents take them without the other there - is that allowed!?

The dad is now threatening to take the kids to London and 'disappear'. Social services have still said they cannot do anything until it goes to court. She doesn't feel like she's getting any advice from them - does she need to pay for a residency order?

OP posts:
Snowymcsnowsony · 01/03/2021 16:05

Has he got any necessities for the dc? She can ask the police to do a welfare check. Insist on one.

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Original poster
PipersOrange · 01/03/2021 16:12

@Snowymcsnowsony

Has he got any necessities for the dc? She can ask the police to do a welfare check. Insist on one.
She asked the police to do a welfare check when he unexpectedly picked them up on Friday PM - he didn't have anything for them but said he'd do a shop. Nothing came of it and he's told her they are now moving in with him

He hasn't seen them for months, pays no maintenance, so this is by no means regular contact.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/03/2021 16:13

The dad has picked the other child up from nursery - the nursery wouldnt let either one of the parents take them without the other there - is that allowed

I'm confused - did they say that about both parents but then let them go with only one?

Wannabangbang · 01/03/2021 16:20

This is very concerning, the school should have never allowed this. I would tell her to collect early, gp appointment for example. Poor woman having her kids taken by such an unhinged person.

LolaSmiles · 01/03/2021 17:07

Wannabangbang
If there's no documented safeguarding issues, no court order, no social worker involved, and no police order, then they won't stop a parent with parental responsibility collecting their children.

It's why it's important the OP's friend gets appropriate professional guidance.

Snowymcsnowsony · 01/03/2021 17:19

She could also ring benefits. He may try to counter claim. They need a heads up or her benefits may be stopped.... She needs to ring the court and make an application for residency today. Before he claims the dc are settled..

AtSwimTwoBerts · 01/03/2021 17:33

the nursery wouldnt let either one of the parents take them without the other there - is that allowed!?

Ridiculous and also unworkable. They literally can't do that.

MrsAmaretto · 01/03/2021 17:42

So if she turns up to nursery and he's there, what happens? Threats, domestic violence, kids and staff terrified? Then it's a 999 call from the nursery?

Wannabangbang · 01/03/2021 20:18

I know Lolasmilesbut it's absurd this can happen and pretty scary. Unfortunately police and ss are slow to act but doesn't make it right this person can pick his kids up. I hate the word PR, i think it should be taken away when a parent behaves in such a manner but it rarely happens. Yes she needs to get a court order asap unfortunately

Jellycatspyjamas · 01/03/2021 22:17

I hate the word PR, i think it should be taken away when a parent behaves in such a manner but it rarely happens.
Parental rights are taken away, when it’s evidenced parents cannot keep their children safe - it’s a high bar though and should be, or it would be open to all kinds of abuses.

A child being permanently removed from their parents is incredibly traumatic for the child, and outcomes for children in care tend to be quite poor for lots of reasons. There’s a process for investigating concerns and ultimately for removing parental rights but the situation described in the OP is a long way away from that situation.

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