Do we just have to accept there's always someone else?

[Bringtheginx]

I don't mean literally. In my early twenties I remember my boyfriend at the time aged 23 being like a dog on heat around women. We went for days out he was eyeing up women. Telling me who he found attractive. Facebook adding. Couldn't go to a wedding without the bridesmaids turning his head. Basically an idiot. The boyfriend before was 21 and also was always texting other women.

I put this down to my age at the time. My last relationship lasted 8 years. Only ended because we grew apart. But in that time not a single women drama happened and life was peaceful.

5 months ago I started dating an older man. In his 40s. Our relationship has gotten very close very fast. I guess its been intense but we are happy so why not. We talk about the future. I'm now 32 with children. I know he's a little bit of a flirt and does speak to women friendly. But yesterday he added someone my age onto his Facebook and it's clearly a random add.

She's local and he liked her profile picture as soon as she accepted his request. There's nothing to indicate they are linked. Absolutely nothing. So my guess is he just liked her looks. The photo he liked of her already is her wearing a white dress on holidays flashing her tan.

I spoke to him last night and didn't mention her but got into my past and what men did when I was younger. He said even of he owns a Ferrari he would still look at the Lamborghinis but it wouldn't mean he wanted them. I said to him if he started flirting with another women I would expect him to end it with me not start a sneaky thing. He said he would and he could never get himself in that situation as he likes me too much and how could he ever get in that situation in the first place.

Why can't men just be happy with the girl Infront of them ever.

@Bringtheginx

He's messed my head up. He's had a marriage a 4 year relationship and a ten year relationship. He's still close to his ex. He's always been a commited man. With hom being in his mid 40s he has around 300 Facebook friends. Most are his old school friends. They live two hours away and then the rest seem to be work friends. He gets the women from his school days commenting but it's never bad. Just adult chit chat.

I'm.not usually insecure. Haven't been this way for ten years.

I can't see anyway he would know this women. He's liked her profile photo from 4 days ago. She's wearing a see through white dress with a bikini on. I have glanced through her Facebook to see if they are linked. She doesn't work in the same field. She's around 15 years younger. But I can see from comments he's made to me she's his type.

She's pretty, petite, tanned, similar features in the face to his ex. She's got similar dogs. His favourite colour is white but classy. She is Wearing alot of white numbers on summery photos..

My feeling is that if she contacted him privately I know he would most likely go down that road. Even though he spends his time in touch with me throughout the day. He's always complimenting me. Always saying he sees us long term. I just think actions speak louder than words. He doesn't know I know about her.

I only noticed her because she's the first person on his friend icons and she appeared yesterday. He was asleep so she accepted his request which is how I know he added her.

I think it's a sign of what's to come and I need to wake up. I feel like despite what he says if the opportunity to talk to her came up then I don't see him not being curious.

Thanks for the replies. Think ive just picked badly.

Some people may not agree but I think your gut is telling you something and personally, I would go with it. I spent along time ignoring similar subtle incidents and cues, my ex told me I was paranoid and a stalker 😬 I eventually found out he was shagging the accounts girl at his work and many more 🤦🏼‍♀️

You need to have higher expectations OP.
You can do better than this. You're still young and have already had your children so don't settle.

Dump him, he's shown you what he thinks of women, and in essence you. He's so much older than you anyway, find someone who's not dragging their smelly old prostate along the floor after other woman like an old dog scooting his arse across the carpet.

"Lots of men value monogamy. Lots of women are fundamentally opposed to cheating with other women’s husbands/partners."

But there are Hamsters, who will go out of their way to snare just that, other women's DHs. I witnessed that during a party.

Has anyone seen The Bridge on IPlayer, brilliant Nordic-noir? There's a character, a policewoman played by Vickie Bak Lauren, who personifies just such type of a 'vixen'.
Hateful creatures those are, mostly playing damsels in distress or coquettishly kittenish and somewhat helpless types, whilst being pretty steely and ruthless underneath. They do get their comeuppance as Karma is a bitch too.

Sorry for derailing, so pissed for my friend.

But there are Hamsters, who will go out of their way to snare just that, other women's DHs. I witnessed that during a party.

That sounds like an unusual party. Female hamsters can be sexually aggressive but in it's defence the concept of marriage is not well understood in rodent circles- I doubt it intended to cause offence.

I would suggest encouraging your DH to shave if hamsters are a particular concern.

@donquixotedelamancha

But there are Hamsters, who will go out of their way to snare just that, other women's DHs. I witnessed that during a party.

That sounds like an unusual party. Female hamsters can be sexually aggressive but in it's defence the concept of marriage is not well understood in rodent circles- I doubt it intended to cause offence.

I would suggest encouraging your DH to shave if hamsters are a particular concern.

I was imagining hamster-like women who eat other people's DHs and then cram their bodies inside their cheeks for storage.

Which would be an even more unusual party.

Some men are like this. A couple of years ago I went out for the evening with an old (male) friend, and he invited another guy we used to know (about 30 years previously) along. Well, this other guy hadn't changed from when he was in his 20s, even though he's now 50 something - he was texting women all evening - at one point he dashed off to another bar to meet with one (briefly, as it turned out), and all he was focused on was hooking up with someone. I found it rather ridiculous, and made me so appreciative of my DH and the fact he's never acted like that in the 26 years I've known him. Fact remains, some men are incapable of being any other way - but they're in the minority, in my experience, and there are some lovely guys out there. You just have to find one, and don't settle for a player.

It's so much easier said than done, but go with your gut

You're picking the wrong men.

Just updating. Friday morning I woke up and he had liked an old profile photo and another holiday snap of her. So I asked. He deleted her despite me saying if she's a friend there's no need. Claimed he had known her years. Made out he needed to go through his Facebook and delete people and she was one that he didn't talk to so didn't need her on it.

Abit of an overshare but I like wearing pretty things in the bedroom for sleeping and sex. Just babydolls etc. Since deleting her he's sent me suggestions of a dress just like the one she was wearing. Only it's see through in different places and clearly for the bedroom. Then he's sent me a see through long blouse thing. Different style and colour to her other picture but the same sort of thing. Also he has this new secretary fantasty to go with the blouse and the model wearing the outfit has glasses just like hers.

So he's stalked her profile in the night. Liked some pictures. Deleted her as soon as I asked. But now has bedroom requests that seem to be linked to her clothes.

OP seriously, if you're not happy then just dump him and move on. This constant analyzing of stuff wears you out and does your head in.

All sounds doomed tbh.
Not the point but flashing her tan very red top, reminds me of the stories of a woman flaunting her assets. Wish I had a tan to flash.

Your chap sounds like a damp squeak and a pathetic excuse for a man - trying to dress you in clothes the other woman wears in her pics, so he could imagine he's fucking her.
Get rid. I don't say this lightly, but save yourself the time, heartache and nagging suspicion that'll never go away and will poison your relationship with this dickhead forevermore.
Onwards and upwards.

Think you've crap taste in men frankly.

How can you see what photos he likes unless your her friend too?