I've been with DH 12 years and we have two young children. Obviously the dynamic changes, and I feel some resentment from DH that I'm a SAHM, but this due to the hours in his job and the high cost of childcare with no help. My 'old' job wouldn't have worked due to the hours. I earned more than DH pre kids, but my old job is gone with Covid at the moment anyway.
I'm relatively happy being a SAHM, but at the moment being home mon-fri by myself 11 hours a day with a 1 year old and 4 year old is quite tiring/ challenging/boring / frustrating. I also have to try to clean. 1 year still wakes a lot in the night. So by the weekend I'm tired and DH tired from his job.
DH says I have anger management issues, but this is his general reply to any complaint I have about him not spending time with the kids. Oh apparently watching YouTube whilst I take a 10 min shower is his contribution to parenting at the weekend. Or making DS stand next to him whilst he talks to our neighbour for 30 minutes is playing outside with DS. So I get a bit annoyed. He does do certain things like put washing on, just not with the kids and if I ask or suggest he plays/ reads with them get quite irate himself, or even to just join in with us.
However I have said I will look into anger management, because maybe if I can express myself better then he might be more receptive? And to be fair I get very enraged about how it should be more even, and I'm annoyed he doesn't want to do things with the kids. I'm sad for them and it's too much pressure on me. Plus they must be bored of me again. Or am I wasting my time? I try not to expect or ask things of him, but it just seems natural to include the other person when he's home. His favourite thing is to be in the other room.
I must admit we have argued infront of the kids, just heated. My DS is very sensitive and I have tried to explain sometimes people don't agree. It's just so hard. The kids are terrible sleepers and we don't get any down time of an evening to discuss anything. As soon as I say anything DH gets shouty. So personally I think we both need anger management.