How to stop comparing/feeling jealous of others

[LostSheep321]

I've recently turned 30 and have been reflecting a bit on how my life is, compared to where I thought I'd be at this point. I grew up in an affluent area where I still live (and I do love it here). The expectation is to have the great career, big house, expensive holidays. This has turned out to be the case for most of my friends, but not me

I feel guilty for being ungrateful - I am happily married, with two beautiful toddlers, and we do own our home although it's very small. DH and I are both stuck in dead-end jobs. I suffer with my mental health and don't feel I would cope with much more career-wise, and DH does his job for the love rather than money. I can't see him doing anything else, which is fine by me because he's happy, and to me that is more important than money.

But I have started feeling so jealous of my friends, and everything they can give their children that we can't. I have come off social media because it gets me down (I know, nobody shares the negatives on social media, it's not realistic... but still).

The thing is, I was never like this before. I've never been materialistic or had a tendency to compare myself to others. I've always been very content with everything. But I just feel like everyone is starting to sail past me now, and I'm a bit embarrassed I suppose. I don't want to have people round my little squashed house anymore (even if we were allowed!)
I know I am quite young, but as I say, I can't see anything changing for us. DH absolutely loves his job, I've worked very hard on my mental health and know it's safer for me not to push myself.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Happily married with two beautiful toddlers, your own home? I know it's not helpful to say it, but many people here would envy you for having that. Try to see the positives in your life; a birthday with a 0 on the end can make one reflective but it soon passes...

I think I know what you mean. People get more money as they get older and if you don't climb the career ladder you can feel like you have been left behind. As your children grow up your priorities may change and you might start to work more or change career path as might your DH . I remember saying to a friend a few years ago that I couldn't see how we would ever get more money and move up a bit, but you have and whilst our friends might still have more than us, we do OK. I guess what I am saying is things change and you don't know what's round the corner.

@Knittedfairies you're so right, it is important to count the blessings. I used to feel so lucky to have my life, I don't know why it suddenly doesn't seem good enough!

Also agree @kritigirl about not knowing what's around the corner

You’ve said it yourself, you wouldn’t be happy having a more demanding career and DH loves his job.

You are winning at life in my view

I think the saying about walking a mile in another person's shoes is true, you can't possibly judge their life against your own.

They may have the big house, but do they have a mortgage that feels like a millstone around their neck and means they can't leave their job where their boss is a horrible bully?

Do their careers mean they wake up every morning feeling racked with imposter syndrome and unsure how they're going to get through the day?

Are the constant foreign holidays when they're allowed to escape the fact that they're bloody miserable at home and need to escape from reality as often as possible?

All of these can be true, and I can guarantee you won't see them on social media. On mine, you'll see beach photos and a new kitchen, but you won't see any photos of friends, because I don't really have any, photos of children, because I prioritised my career. You've done the right thing coming off social media, but don't forget, it's rare for people to post the truth, we post through a rose tinted filter

Many people are losing their jobs and can't have children. You have 2 children and your own home. You are in the middle not the bottom. So maybe not at the top but your DH loves his job. Many hate their jobs. Try to think of 1 good thing every day.

Comparison is the thief of joy...

I think your life sounds wonderful so what if you don’t have a big fuck off house, you also don’t have a big fuck off mortgage!