Young adults living together benefits info

[Alfiemoon1]

There is a huge back story here regarding dd 19 7 months relationship with her boyfriend he’s controlling abusive etc and it has been very on and off but that’s not the point of my post she’s 19 and adult so I can’t stop her

After finding out on his gushing Facebook post they have moved into his council flat together dd is a student who gets finance and was working one day per week but now claims to be working full time as well probably to support him. He doesn’t work so claims uc. Trying to leave out all the emotional stuff treat her like an adult so said I respect her decision but as adults had they discussed finances before moving in together because as I thought his uc claim may be effected by her working and her student finance may be based on their financial situation rather mine and her dads as they live together I’ve never claimed benefits so not sure how it all works

Not happy we still pay her mobile car insurance and send money for food now she has chosen to move in with her boyfriend and expect them to have ensured they could financially support themselves before making that decision but that is another conversation I will try to have with her when I see her as our relationship is strained at the moment

You'll have to stop paying her mobile and car insurance and sending money for food.

She needs to learn what happens when you make adult decisions.

Let her know that your door is always open if she wants to leave him but that you won't be helping financially any longer.

It will all go tits up and she'll leave.

I'd continue paying for her phone if her bf is abusive and controlling, she must have a means of getting in touch with people.

I can't offer any advice but I agree that they'll probably run into financial problems if they haven't thought this through.

That's a good point but I would not pay her car insurance or whatever. You're enabling her to stay with the man if you do.

I'll go out on a limb and say I bet they're not declaring her living there. So his UC/HB payments won't change. Personally I'd be reluctant to withdraw all financial help to her as it may backfire that'll she'll dig her heels in harder. I'd probably aproach it along the lines of 'if you're planning on switching to working full-time we need to review how much I can afford to subsidise you as lockdown eases. Obviously while you study full time I would like to financially chip in to fully support that. But if that's no longer happening then it's extra money I can't really afford myself'. Basically bounce the ball back into her court, and the shine of subsidising her partner may wane pretty quickly.

She is still continuing with university as well as working and I doubt they have declared her living there but they should shouldn’t they?

I am trying to keep my feelings towards the relationship and him out of it but feel if you are making and adult decision to move in together you should ensure you can afford all your bills beforehand. He can work just chooses not to so I feel a bit like I am funding him and a relationship I don’t approve of but at the same time she is still my dd and still a student I don’t want her working so much incase it effects her studies

She had just renewed the lease on her student house for next year so will still have to pay rent on that as she didn’t want to move in with him and he was guilt tripping her with if you loved me or were committed to the relationship you would move in

How will her student finance work for next year will it still go off mine and dh income or theirs as they live together.

His parents don’t contribute to his food even before they moved into together despite them approving of the relationship my dd was lending him money that she’s never got back. His mum gives him £10 occasionally for babysitting his younger step siblings as she knows he will spend it on weed despite that fact she smokes it with him and his stepdad deals it
I am trying to leave my personal feelings towards him and their relationship and be fair to dd