Daughters ex

[Lynlou85]

Anxious nan here for advice please.
Will try and keep it short!
My daughter has a lovely 2 year old daughter with her ex. She split with him a year ago. This was down to him drinking and staying out/excessive gambling.
He put her through 8 months of hell after they split, spying on her, driving past the house at all hours, constant calls and texts.
Granddaughter lives with my daughter and her older son.

The ex is now demanding he is told about everything that goes on. He’s saying gd has night terrors and is having increased tantrums and that it’s due to negativity between them. Ffs gd is 2! It’s definitely terrible twos. She has no night terrors at home!
He’s also demanding he should choose her school and it should be nearer him if it’s a good school. But my daughter lives in a lovely area with lots of great schools.
What I’m asking is what he is legally entitled to insist on doing? He’s saying no solicitors and wants them to have arrangements written down and signed by both of them.

Anybody got any advice please.
TIA

The"no solicitors" thing is a massive red flag. She needs to get proper legal advice. It sounds like the "working it out between themselves" contact isn't working and he's using the children to try and counting to control her. She shouldn't just sign something he's written up.
She needs a formal arrangement in place.

Think it’s because he’s too tight to pay for one. But judging by the texts he’s insisting on knowing everything to do with his daughter. He is controlling. He texts her to answer his texts! Yesterday he told her she was online at 8.38am even though he isn’t on any of her social media and she’s removed the time stamp off WhatsApp.
Be comforting to know he can’t call the shots on everything.
Worst one is him insisting my daughter drops gd off at his on a Saturday at a certain t8me then collect her at a certain time on a Sunday. As he’s do8ng three lots of driving and she does one.

I certainly would not be dropping her off. A judge wouldn't order her to do both trips.. Neither most likely!!
She needs legal advice.

Block him on everything except one email address and tell him he can communicate about his daughter there. Take legal advice for sure.
School places have to be applied for, he's not going to be the one filling out the forms, she goes to the allocated school.

She is going to see a family solicitor. This pillock just won’t leave her alone! If I told you half the things he’s done it would make you4 hair curl. What’s annoying is he is telling us one thing about his work hours then complete changing it accusing us of not listen8ng to him and how he can’t “ deal with us”. Cheeky git

How does he know when she's online? Did he put tracking apps on her phone before they split up?
He's very controlling.

She needs to thoroughly scan her phone and other devices for any kind of spy software. She really needs to get him to back off. I’d be tempted to block him on everything except email or Whatsapp, whichever she prefers, email would give her back some control. If he wants to see his dd, he can pick her up, or better still, get a family member to organise contact so your daughter has no contact with him.

He sounds like a grade A knob. Whilst he does have a say in her schooling, in the interests of the child, it needs to be close to her permanent home.

Has your daughter logged any of this with the police? Can she or would she apply for a non molestation order?

He’s trying to control her which sounds usual for him- there’s like a script for these types. The important thing for your daughter to remember is while he gets a say in his child’s life he doesn’t get a say in your daughter’s. If she wants to get legal advice (and I strongly suggest she does) then she can and doesn’t need his permission. She doesn’t need to tell him every single detail of her life- he wants to know for his own controlling reasons not because his 2 year old child is having tantrums/waking up in the night crying. That’s what little ones do. The school thing I’m not 100% sure about but I’m pretty sure your daughter can just apply and that’s that. I think legal advice will put her mind at rest and give her a bit more confidence dealing with him if anything.

Can she get a new phone and number and not tell him? Only use her old phone to communicate with him. That way, if he has put a tracker on her old phone, it won't tell him anything.

Getting a new phone isn’t an option sadly..

solicitors advice is definitely the way to go.

Thanks for all the advice ladies :)

He's using the child to control his ex.

Been there.

I second the suggestion of a 2nd phone. It only has to be a cheap PAYG. She can check it once a week. And block him from her usual number. Believe me, she will feel so much less stressed if he's not on her phone / in her life every 5 minutes.

Even if your DD has removed the time stamp from watsapp you can see when someone is “online” it shows online and he may be just observing the time. I would block him on watsapp and communicate through normal txt if needs be.