Relationship advice desperately needed

[Samlou78]

Hi everyone I'm new and didn't know where to turn.
I'm in a long distance relationship of 3 years with my fiance.
My problem is that when he has an episode of being really low and depressed he just ignores me. I suffer with anxiety myself and I get so worried when he disappears without a word. I've asked him again and again to please communicate to me if he wants time alone and not to talk and I'll gladly give him space but every single time he will ignore my calls and messages and leave me to worry myself sick. When he does get in touch I'm always understanding and supportive and although Ive told him its hard for me being shut out I never make him feel bad about it.
This last week he has done his disappearing act and yet again ignored me. He said he felt a bit better 3 days ago and called me as usual and we were discussing me booking train tickets for when lockdown is lifted, he asked me to look up some dates and call him back, which I did and then he didnt answer the phone and although he read my messages with the details the next day he didnt say a word. Yesterday he decided to call me after leaving me to worry all day and get no sleep and I was so upset I told him how his behaviour is making me feel to which he hung up on me. He then sent a message saying hes sorry he doesnt want to upset me and then when I replied saying of course I'm upset as i just want to be supportive he read it and yes, he ignored it. Not heard from him since.
I want to know if I'm in the wrong to expect just a little text to say 'not feeling up to talking today' or if it's okay for him to just not say anything and ignore me for days at a time and let me worry. What hurts the most is that he knows I get worried and he still does it, even after I've asked him not to. I never ask him for anything else but I feel like I'm not allowed to have feelings or be upset about it and when I pluck up the courage to tell him how it effects me I just get hung up on and then silent treatment.
I dont think it's wrong for me to expect communication from the man I'm meant to be marrying but would like to hear other opinions or peoples experience of this.

He seems to be able to switch it on and off doesn't he ? which ,makes me think he's doing this on purpose to keep you hanging.

Even if it was genuine you have repeatedly told him how it makes you feel and to give you the courtesy of a text and he doesn't

I'd be kicking him to the curb to be honest

He sounds like a prick.
He's making you suffer, he knows it makes you feel awful.
Why does he want to punish you? To make himself feel better? Get rid, find someone who values you.
Its too easy to cry 'mental health reasons'. He needs to work on himself and realise its not an excuse to treat you like shit

He has all the power here and you are handing it to him giftwrapped.

If this is how he behaves long distance there are serious warning signs for living with him. Don’t get married, do end it!

First off turn off read receipts as that is clearly causing more anxiety. I don't think its fair, no. The problem is by allowing it to continue you sort of enable/permit it. Some of it could be the strain of an ldr, as you don't see each other as much. But hanging up is beyond rude, is this how he will deal with every disagreement?

Is he getting any counselling?

Thank you for your replies.
I've since had quite a horrible message saying I shouldn't be asking for reassurance from him when he's feeling emotionally and to 'do as I please' he has never spoken to me like this before so I'm shocked.
He's managed to make me feel guilty for bringing up my feelings in the first place. Our relationship is usually really good but the way he's treated me just because I spoke up is ringing alarm bells.
No he doesn't have counselling but I've asked him just last week to see his dr.
I dont know why a someone would treat someone they love in this way

What is the point of him?

Relationships aren't meant to be hard work, honestly.

I couldn't be in such a one sided relationship.

He may Indeed love you but he's also very controlling and using the silence to.test and punish you for not loving him enough or in the wrong way or some other imagined slight . This CAN get better but only if you give him a right bollocking and tell him to grow up and never do it again .However...its more likely he'll stick to being a petulant adolescent...do you want children with someone like him, and have to deal with his jealousy and sulking cos hes not geting enough attention ?
Tldr : dump.and move on .

You probably wouldn’t have such anxiety with a partner who wasn’t a dick.

You are helping me to see I dont deserve this.
Also we wouldn't be having children together, I have my own and I'm 42, he is 52.
The more I think the more I realise he is being controlling I just never saw it as he isnt like it in any other aspect. He obviously doesnt like being told he's wrong and counts on me being too afraid to say anything, which is sadly hes the only man I've ever truly loved (and I've been married before)