Toddler and sleeping in a bed

[pandarific]

My 2 year and 4 month old wants to start sleeping in his bed in his big room, rather in the cot on the box room he still currently sleeps in. I’m due in 3 weeks with number 2.

We have put off moving him so far because he’s not a naturally compliant child (he’s not really a tantrummer, more a boundary pusher and is very bright and verbal) and so we suspected he’d be a nightmare with getting out of bed and running around.

We tried it last night after him asking to sleep there, explained if he was going to, that he’d have to lie down and not get out of bed etc. But yep, exactly what we thought would happen happened - we put him in his sleeping bag, put him in bed and sat there (as we do when he’s going to sleep usually, once he lies down and is clearly going off we head out of the room) and he was shrieking in excitement, jumping out of one end and the other and generally not lying down and going to sleep.

So, he asked again tonight, again I said he could but he had to lie down etc, and same result, so we had to go back and get in the cot. To be fair I am heavily pregnant and didn’t stick it out for more than 20 mins of saying ‘no x, you have to lie down, if you keep getting out we will have to go and sleep in the cot’.

But, I don’t know. I have said we can try again, think I’m just going to do a rinse and repeat approach. When the baby comes and is ready to move into her own room we can always move his cot into his big room.

OR maybe we should move his cot in there now, before she comes altogether to get him used to sleeping in there, if in a cot? He can’t currently climb out of the cot in his sleeping bag but at some point he will be able to.

Any good opinions or tips? Now that I’ve thought of it I kind of think putting his cot in the big room might be a good transition point, but I don’t know really, there’s not an awful lot of space for it really so it wouldn’t be a long term solution.

By the way, I have seen people say things like ‘my child didn’t realise they could get out of the bed if it had a rail’ / ‘my child didn’t get out if she was tucked in tightly’ ...just to say, he is very much not one of those children! He’s got it all worked out annoyingly, so it’s a case of repeating yourself and repeating yourself and physically putting him back, which I just don’t know if I have the energy to do with this massive bump.

I suppose what I’m asking is if anyone had a similar natured toddler, if waiting until older and less excited by irl quite boring stuff like a new bed helped? Idk!

Sorry to bump this, but we’re still in the cot - any ideas?

We tried again tonight and though he bounced around less it was half an hour of him messing around and not lying down.

I did try leaving the room but he instantly got out of bed and went over to try to open the door (he couldn’t, I was on the other side being very quiet and holding it closed - cue whingey crying.) one I opened the door he was all smiles and got back into the bed and then asked me to sit down on the chair, cue more mucking around so I told him as he couldn’t stay in the bed he’d have to go back in his cot and we could try again tomorrow night.

Sigh. Am I missing something obvious here? Shall we just wait until he’s older? I really don’t know - what have other people done?

Well I go in with my 3 year old and turn the lights off and lie down too. There's only so much running around they can do in the dark? Have you got a good routine - bath, book, lights off? You could try the vanishing chair if you don't want to wait until he is asleep, google it.

I’m planning on keeping mine in a cot for as long as possible for exactly this reason!! She’s not quite 2 yet but I’m dreading the day she is no longer containable in a cot.

As you have at least 6 months before you need the cot, I’d leave him in it. I suppose you could try a strategy of putting him in the bed, first time he gets out, straight back in the cot with an explanation of why?

I don’t know, not having done it, just my thoughts on what I’d do.

If it’s the new room he likes rather than the bed, you could move his cot in there.

@GreenSlide yes, routine’s fine and he sleeps through 7:30ish to 7ish in the cot.

I could lie down with him I suppose, though it’s a bit of a squeeze. But it’s just... how much messing about/sitting up etc should I tolerate before giving up and going back in the cot? 20 mins? An hour? I know he’ll eventually get tired and go to sleep, but idk.

Maybe we could listen to an audiobook together (we have mog, gruffalo etc) while we lie there, or maybe that would be distracting? Ugh I don’t know what I’m doing with this at all!

DS is not a compliant child! My entire life is just a series of games, bargains and tricks to get everyday things done. I used a lot of the strategies from How To Talk So Little Kids Listen - might be worth a read?

We use the gro clock as part of our routine. I let him roam around the room for a bit while I sit in the chair, get him to pick some bedtime stories and then ask him "shall mummy press the button, or will DS?". Once he presses the button on the gro clock, it's a race for him to jump into bed before the clock turns blue. "Wow! DS won!"

Once he's tucked in bed, I turn the lights out and we read him his stories from the chair by the light of our phones. No stories unless he's lying down, under the duvet with his head on the pillow. If he lifts his head up, I stop reading. I think having the light off helps keep him in bed. I used to have to stay in the chair till he fell asleep but now he lets me go as I have DS2 to see to.

In the early days, we did have a few issues with him jumping out of bed but you just have to be very firm and consistent. I start with being very casual and jokey, "come on DS, I want to read this amazing story! Jump into bed so I can find out what happens to Percy the Parkkeeper!" I do give him some time to roam around so the excitement of being up wears off, then when I'm getting tired of it I tell him in a serious voice to get back in for stories. Then I explain if he doesn't get in, I can't do his bedtime and I'll have to leave him and go downstairs to tidy up. I give him a final chance (in bed by the time I count to 5 or I'm leaving). If he's still not in bed, I leave, closing the stairgate on the door behind me but leaving the door open. When I hear "mummy! Come back!", I ask if he's in bed - I can't come back and do bedtime until he's lying down in bed.

It did take a few months of effort to get the routine in place, but we started at 20m and he's just turned 3 and bedtime is very straightforward now and has been for ages.

Hope that gives you some ideas.

My DS started climbing out his cot at 22 months so I had no choice. I all but emptied the room, locks on cupboard doors and put a stairgate in the doorway. I put him to bed and he often falls asleep on the floor, I scoop him up and put him to bed. He’s fine once he’s asleep.

I used to sit in with mine until she fell asleep - audiobook and star lights on. Then she’d run into our room in the middle of the night anyway. This followed six dreadful weeks where I left the room and she’d come straight out, and I’d take her straight back in to bed and neither of us got enough sleep. And prior to that she’d been great - put her in the cot, leave the room and she’d be out like a light. Sorry, that’s not helpful to you is it? But you’re not alone. None of the bloomin things that were sposed to work actually worked with mine.

We did what DinoHat did - safe room and a stair gate across the door. Bedtime as normal and then leave him to it. DS slept on the floor for months! I honestly think he preferred it 😁

I should just add the reason we moved to a bed at 20m was DS couldn't stand the cot, wouldn't go to bed in it and was fed, rocked and cuddled to sleep and then transferred to the cot once asleep for 20m. It was terrible. So we really put a lot of effort into the new bed routine and never considered abandoning it and waiting.

If he doesn’t climb out of the cot, I would move it into the other room to start with.

I don’t see the point in spending ages coaxing him into sleep when you’re heavily pregnant and then going to have newborn and likely to be able to continue the practice. Have him in the room in the cot, when new baby is into a more settled routine move into the bed.

I can tolerate about 10 mins of messing about, but At that point I normally just shut the door and let them get on with it. Alternatively put a gate on the door.

I've got a 2.5 yr old and a 9mo old.

We got DS a toddler bed just after his second birthday as I thought then I could just use the cot for the baby but I wish I just left him in his cot.

First night he slept like a dream, every night since he will not stay in it at all. We have to lie in bed with him and read until he falls asleep, he wakes most nights and comes through into our bed, trying to put him back in his own bed results in massive tantrums that wake the baby. He also won't nap in his bed (he does at nursery or occasionally on the sofa).

I think I just made life harder for myself with a newborn. In hindsight I wish I had waited until around now when the baby will go down in his own cot for a few hours

Hmmm, thank you all, lots of food for thought here. I think I'll maybe leave it for now and talk to DH about maybe a future plan of step 1) moving his cot into his big room so it's less exciting sleeping in there and then step 2) a stair gate over the door and leaving the door open and the landing light on and just leaving him and seeing what happens - in his sleeping bag he won't be able to climb over.

Toddlers, eh?

[quote pandarific]@GreenSlide yes, routine’s fine and he sleeps through 7:30ish to 7ish in the cot.

I could lie down with him I suppose, though it’s a bit of a squeeze. But it’s just... how much messing about/sitting up etc should I tolerate before giving up and going back in the cot? 20 mins? An hour? I know he’ll eventually get tired and go to sleep, but idk.

Maybe we could listen to an audiobook together (we have mog, gruffalo etc) while we lie there, or maybe that would be distracting? Ugh I don’t know what I’m doing with this at all![/quote]
If he's sleeping that well in the cot just leave him in there. You'll need all the sleep you can get when your baby comes so don't rock the boat until you're all ready.

I'm another one saying gate across the door so they can't get out and fall down the stairs or anything. I also used to give my boys a non spill cup of water so there was no "i need a drink" excuse. That way once bedtime is done, if you reach your patience limit/have to go and deal with the baby or anything else, you know that he's safe, he has every thing he needs. had to do it with both of mine but don't think it took too long before the gate wasn't necessary for bedtime, just for peace of mind in the mornings!

I hear you!
Mine is 2,5 and it takes ages to make him go to sleep. We have a routine and he sleeps in a double bed in his room, with a stair gate at the door.
Normally I go into bed with him, we read one or two stories, then I switch the light off and I stay with him until he falls asleep. Most nights between the moment the light goes off and when he's asleep he still sings, he wants to read more books, he puts his teddy to bed a million times, he wants a cuddle etc. However, I try not to engage with him, I bring him back to bed etc and I see the situation is slightly improving.