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Original poster

What can I do with my early miscarriage 8 weeks

22 replies

caroline180 · 24/02/2021 22:13

I had a misscarage at 8 weeks after seeing babies heartbeat twice. I'm finding it very hard to let go 2 weeks later I've still managed to part with the remains. I was thinking about planting it so I can watch it grow but that won't last forever. So I was advised you can get a cremation so I called up my local funeral directors and they said its something they are willing to help me with but that I may not have anything tk take home as its so early into the pregnancy you can visibly see the fetus and to me it was my baby it had a beating heart and I cannot let go I want to go for a cremation as I can keep the tiny bit of what's left forever but I'm petrified that I will hand of my baby and have nothing back ease any advice will be massively appreciated

OP posts:
Usagi12 · 24/02/2021 22:18

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how heartbreaking it is. A friend of mine had her babies remains made into a crystal type necklace. I can't remember where she had it done now but will have a look and see if I can find it. You will come through this xxx

BertieBotts · 24/02/2021 22:23

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby.

I think planting something is a lovely idea. Maybe look at plants which are either hardy to being transplanted in case you move, or something you can take cuttings from? My mum had a special plant for my sister (who is living, she just wanted a plant!) and when we moved house she took a cutting to bring to the new house and grew a whole new plant. It was "bleeding heart" - I always thought it was very pretty.

Original poster
caroline180 · 24/02/2021 22:24

Thank you for replying so fast. I would really love to have some sort of keep sake no matter how small it's just they said I may not receive anything as it might not produce any ash's. I just don't know if I should take a leap of faith and go ahead with the cremation or think of another way its so hard as I don't want to make a mistake and loes it again but forever

OP posts:
Original poster
caroline180 · 24/02/2021 22:27

Thank you for your reply! That sounds lovely I'm just so worried that I will kill the plant and have to bin it. Am I able to plant it In with any type of house plant and will it smell when it starts to decompose

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 24/02/2021 22:30

It would probably depend on the size of what you have really. I was thinking of planting outside where you could do it quite deep, a house plant might not work as well unless you're very good at keeping house plants alive.

tenlittlecygnets · 24/02/2021 22:30

Rosemary is for remembrance. It's hardy and you can take cuttings from it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

CJsGoldfish · 24/02/2021 22:31

Honestly, if you go ahead with the cremation and there is nothing to return to you, I fear you'd beat yourself up and add to the grief you already feel. Whatever you choose to do, I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Tickly · 24/02/2021 22:34

Is there somewhere outside you could plant and scatter wildflower seeds that will come back each year? You'd seem then come and go as the seasons change, which I guess may be sad but each year in spring you should be rewarded with new flowers and a home for butterflies and bees to visit. Otherwise something very hardy.

Original poster
caroline180 · 24/02/2021 23:32

So I really like the idea of planting my remains. I won't be able to do it in my garden as I'll be moving at some point. If I was to get a large pot and place it in there with some seed leaving it in the garden will this work. Sorry this may sound silly but I've never grew a plant in my life

OP posts:
Helbelle75 · 24/02/2021 23:39

So sorry for your loss.
I had a miscarriage in 2016 and buried the remains in a pot, with a beautiful white rose. I wrote baby a letter and buried it as well and every time I look out into the garden I can see it. I can go out and have a little chat too if I like. It's been very comforting.

mineofuselessinformation · 24/02/2021 23:43

If you do decide to bury (sorry, I know that sounds brutal) in your garden, you can always take a cutting of the plant you put over the top for remembrance.
I left a baby I lost in relatively early pregnancy at my last house.
Ultimately, I didn't take a cutting of the plant over the top - I have very many precious memories of the beautiful rambling rose that was planted and chose not to take it as I didn't want to disturb it, but taking a little piece of yours with you may bring you comfort.

Woulditbeworth · 24/02/2021 23:50

Oh I am so sorry OP.

A plant in a large pot outside is a lovely idea. If you can, perhaps a rose or other flowering shrub from a local garden centre would more likely to last then seeds. x

Original poster
caroline180 · 24/02/2021 23:57

Thank you so much for all of your advice I'm going to pop down to the garden centre tomorrow I really do appreciate all of your replies god bless you all

OP posts:
viques · 24/02/2021 23:58

If you are worried about not keeping a plant growing then why not plant some annual seeds in a large pot then when they flower you can pick and press the flowers. Dried pressed flowers last forever. You could keep them in a card in a memory box.

If you don’t think you can grow seeds then wait until plants come into the garden centres and choose some annuals that you like. Pansies would be lovely, and are very beautiful.

iknowimcoming · 25/02/2021 00:05

Sorry for your loss. I agree that choosing a nice big pot and then planting a rose or similar would be lovely, you could also put tulips or daffodil bulbs in for spring time and/or flower seeds in too (forget me nots etc) and that way it is the pot being pretty which is your tribute rather than a specific plant inside it iyswim? That should ease the pressure on you to make sure the plant survives, and of course you can always take it with when you move house - hope that makes sense Thanks

iknowimcoming · 25/02/2021 00:06

Oh yes @viques idea of pressing flowers is lovely too

aurynne · 25/02/2021 02:03

@caroline180 I am so sorry for your loss! Plenty of good ideas in the comments already.

As a midwife and a researcher I just wanted to share with you some information in case you didn't know this: lots of live cells from your baby will remain in your body forever, and also in any other baby that you conceive. Your baby will stay alive in you, and in his/her little brothers/sisters.

Big, big hugs.

ElizaLaLa · 25/02/2021 03:18

I put mine in air tight glass jars and buried them in a pot with lavender in. I added notes etc in them so anyone finding them in the future would know what they are and not freak out etc.

ridingonaroomba · 25/02/2021 03:26

Have you thought about counselling?

Shangrilalala · 25/02/2021 03:40

After a traumatic childhood event, my grandpa and I planted a cherry tree in my garden. It flowered so beautifully every year.

Eventually we moved house. I was probably too young to think about taking a cutting but whenever I see a similar tree now I think about my lovely, long gone grandpa, the comfort the glorious blossoms gave me and invariably smile and hope that someone else is looking out on it and smiling too. I suppose that even if you have to leave a plant or tree, or should a cutting not take, it’s still possible to take the sense of comfort with you.

So sorry for your loss. I’ve been there and it is an ache like no other.

Jarstastic · 25/02/2021 10:21

You could have a rosemary in a nice clay or terracotta pot you take with you when you move. They are very hardy.

spiderlight · 25/02/2021 11:07

My little one is wrapped in my mum's silk handkerchief, in a beautiful big potted jasmine plant in the sunshine next to our front door.

So very sorry for your loss Flowers

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