Does anyone have a major personality change on the pill?

[smellyolddog]

Not sure where to post so thought I'd just chat–I've been on the pill for about 6 months to calm down some symptoms and I've just come off again, it was OK, but not a fan of staying on it.

I've realised with reflection how passive, empty and somewhat calmer I am while on the pill, and how confident and fiery and full of energy I am off the pill–but now I can't decide which me is really me!

I feel really disassociated with who I am right now like i've really lost track of the real me somewhere with the hormones, even to the point over the last 6 months my actions, choices and decisions seem alien to me.

I'm also 46, so that may explain it.

Does anyone else have such a massive shift?? and how do i decide which is the real side of me, I liked the calm side.

I was on the pill for 18 months and I'm never going back on it. First pill for 12 months and 2 days out of every month (around when my period was due) I felt utterly suicidal. Crying, empty, so so close to the edge. And then fine the rest of the time. Second pill for 6 months, no mental health side effects but completely killed my sex drive.

2 months off and it and I've never been happier. Actually feel emotions again - anger, happy, sad, are all normal emotions. Having sex 3-5 times a week compared to 1-2 a month.
Using Natural Cycles now as a non hormonal contraception, and condoms around fertile time of the month. Also helps that although we aren't trying for any more children right now, I would be happy if I got pregnant.

I am a monster on the pill. Depressed, mood swings, suicidal thoughts. Just awful. Tried a variety throughout my 20s with no better results. About a year ago I tried again to try to improve my skin and it was even worse than ever (late 30s).

You will balance out I am sure. Maybe look at herbal remedies? Phyto oestrogen rich food? You do not have to go on HRT. I can't have oestrogen so I can't have it

Interesting though, the most 'mental' of my friends (me and someone else) are not on the pill. Mental as in the ups and downs we experience. I am happy though, I use cognitive strategies.

I was the opposite, being on the pill made me angry all the time. My husband said it was like the worst PMT but every day of the month. Came off them and was myself again in days. God it was exhausting being that angry all the time. The horrible thing was I knew I was being unreasonable and nasty but I just couldn't stop.

I was on the pill through my twenties and also completely regret it. The thing was that most of the more significant side effects (anxiety and complete loss of libido) didn’t appear straight away, but crept up gradually. Due to this, I didn’t realise that the pill was causing these problems so continued to take it while getting really down and frustrated about the changes that were happening to me. Once I began to make a connection, I found similar stories online and in books.

After nine years I stopped and won’t take it again. It amazes me that these side effects, which can be devastating, aren’t pointed out as being potentially so significant for some people. They are mentioned in the leaflet, but because it isn’t really talked about (though thankfully that is changing), and because you don’t get the side effects necessarily straight away, some people, and some health care professionals, don’t make the connection.

Often it will be recommended to simply change to another brand/form of hormonal contraception. So the problem doesn’t go away.

OP, as well as starting this thread, I’m also glad you asked about people’s thoughts on HRT.
I am now at the point where my GP is talking about low dose HRT. Although I do need help with night sweats, the thought of taking hormones again does concern me. I fear that I will have similar problems to those on the pill. From what I can find out, it seems that the dose is much lower, but given how I feel I was ill-prepared and ignorant to the side-effects which I experienced on the pill, I feel nervous about HRT.

I will discuss my concerns with the GP, and if I do try HRT, I will monitor it carefully. The way my night sweats are, I suspect I will probably try it at some point.

Terrible godawful depression. It defined my life in a way because I dropped out of uni, started self harming. Was the worst time of my life.
Lifted like a cloud not long after coming off it. I am still so angry about it. Docs never suggested sudden depression could be a side effect and instead put me on an antidepressant.

@MistakenAgain

You will balance out I am sure. Maybe look at herbal remedies? Phyto oestrogen rich food? You do not have to go on HRT. I can't have oestrogen so I can't have it

I agree with this too. When I came off the pill I was a mess: my hair was falling out, I had terrible acne and mood swings. I did a lot of reading about balancing hormones and eventually did a hormone balancing detox type diet for a while before incorporating some of those foods into my normal diet.

Maca powder is good for balancing female hormones and I also completely quit dairy. It's the breast milk of a recently pregnant cow so is chock full of hormones! Soy milk also affects hormones so replace dairy with oat or almond milk instead.

The diet I followed was from Nat Kringoudis' ebook called 'Well and Good'. You can look her up on instagram. It did me a world of good, but I'm sure there are other books and dieticians out there too.

@Applehill so regarding HRT I'm on the case and have found the most fantastic resource, she's called the menopause dr, Louise newson. She's on Instagram and makes me feel safe that when I need or maybe don't need HRT I'll be well looked after, she is 100% worth looking up.

@WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly that's such great advice, I'm supposed to be following an endometriosis diet, which is exactly that, to lower inflammation, boost hormone production and it cuts out dairy.

I'm just gearing up for going into that completely as I tend to phase things out gradually, so I'm back to black coffee, reduced sugars etc..

I've managed to run on really low carb, no processed food and meal prep before which really suited me and my body but fell off the wagon when I got sick.

I will look uk the Powder as well.

@Celandina that's so sad, I do wonder if I'd of made different choices if I hadn't been on the pill.. looking at DH here.

I've just come off it for the first time in over ten years and I've turned into an arsehole.

@Hangingover we can be arseholes together!

I've bitten my DHs head off over the tiniest things today so I'm in the bath now hiding from humans so I can't feel the rage.

Thing is I think it feels like me, like maybe I'm actually meant to be fiesty and stand up for myself and he's just taking the brunt of the transition. Let than a month ago int he pill I couldn't care less about lockdown lifting, and off the pill I'm beyond actually "excited" and "happy" and laughing and joking with people, chatting and engaged.

I didn't get out of bed today so I'm going back on it shortly!

Sounds like all you ladies have had very similar experiences with the pill and I agree that it is crazy to think that most of us may spend the majority of our lives not "ourselves" but controlled by the hormones we're adding to our system. I'm currently researching hormones and how useful women would find tracking and understanding their personal hormone profile and I wanted to see if any of you would be willing to further our research by filling in this short survey? It would only take a minute or two.

forms.gle/Vps7uF1ovfpTtHCQ8

Thanks and I hope we can all get on top of our hormones and feeling better soon!

It makes me suicidal. Less importantly I also gain weight and my libido vanishes. The symptoms come on gradually and are not widely spoken of so I only noticed the link when I stopped it. I tried it twice as a young woman and then took no artificial hormones after the age of 21 (bar for natural/low drug ivf).

@smellyolddog thank you, that is really helpful.

I took the pill in my early 20s and felt very similar to how you’ve been describing - quite flat, subdued, low sex drive and I have very little memory of those times to be honest, despite a lot happening to me then (university life, nothing awful).

I came off it but didn’t notice any immediate improvements, so didn’t attribute it to the pill for months and months. It was only a few years after, when I met me now DH, that I was considering contraception again and felt really strongly that I wouldn’t go back on the pill. And I still won’t, 20 years on.

This really isn’t talked about enough!

I was very depressed on the pill, to the extent of self harming. I tried 8 different brands, they were all the same. GPs didn't believe me. When I stopped, it was like a black cloud had been lifted.

Yes!
For me I'm a psycho on it!
I didn't realise so much (on it most years since 17 to about 34) until I met/ was with dh. When we met I had the coil but moving to the pill a while later he was like OMG
I tried several and realised this had really impacted on me/ my personality.
I had about 6 months on the implant and I used to cry and bleed every day.

I have finally worked out the pill / implant does not work for me!

The pill has been life-changing for me in a good way. I had never taken hormonal contraception, aside from a miserable month on the mini-pill, but was prescribed the Yasmin pill at age 36 to deal with severe PMS. Before I took it I was moody, emotional and awful to be around. I used to shout and scream and cry for no reason and made everyone around me miserable for at least a week every month. The pill made me normal. I have noticed some of the changes mentioned. I do feel quite numb a lot of the time and my sex drive has diminished. But I would take this any day over the miserable wreck of a person I was before.