EHCP for 4 year old

[Rxkxd]

Hello - I’m new to mumsnet. My four year old has never been formally assessed due to the pandemic but we have had a phone consult with a paediatrician, portage have only phoned as well and speech therapy had only seen my son once and then it has been phone calls after that. My son does jump a bit, makes a bit of noise, he can speak in sentences and is very good at problem solving, writing his name and learns things pretty quick. He does play a bit with his siblings but not loads. At nursery, however, the nursery staff say he doesn’t really do anything. They are always talking of his negatively and have not given any positive feedback at all. The nursery teacher said he is very much like her own autistic son and said he belongs in a special school. I have put down a mainstream school as my son does copy a lot and I feel he would gain more socially from his peers. An EHCP is underway and the psychologist wants to do an assessment at the nursery and at home but via video call. I’m apprehensive about the nursery video call as i don’t know the nursery will show all that he can do as well, I’m aware his communication is behind but he can do it and he’s making progress everyday. Im not looking for a diagnosis as he’s so young and making progress. Has anyone been in a similar position i.e. when a child is different at nursery? Any stories would be appreciated. I feel alone in this.

My daughter is going through process of ehcp she has autism and non verbal and has learning disability, the point of the ehcp is to explain in detail what they struggle with and what support they need in place to be able to access an education, so if nursery do not show what he can do, thats not a problem. Them focusing on the negatives is not a bad thing. Its just focusing on what he needs. My daughter had a speech and language assessment via zoom last week and she was on top form which she isnt usually and they seen her interact with her sister for first time! So im worried it will go against her as i want her in special school. U obviously know ur son , special school is not a bad thing its just where my daughter will he better but then im a teacher and i know expections and she is very behind so wouldnt be her fit.

My daughter was diagnosed at 2 and 11 months

We're going through the process for an EHCP for our 4 year old. He has selective mutism. At home he's like any other child.

Anywhere else he's totally silent. At nursery he didn't engage at all! They worried he was autistic until they saw him interact with us.

We moved him to a preschool and he's doing better here but still silent.

The EHCP know the 2 different people my son can be and have assessments from both home and preschool.

My DD was 3 when she had her EHCP drawn up and her nursery referred her to an Ed psych who referred her onto a paediatrician and she received a diagnosis of autism shortly before her 4th birthday.
Nursery called a meeting with us shortly after she entered the pre school room and we were shocked as up until then they hadn't really mentioned anything to us about autism.
My DD at the time was able to talk very clearly but was very echolaic in her language. She was very happy but also used to spend quite a bit of time at nursery spinning around. She was also very self directed (still is) and played alongside children very happily but didn't really engage with anyone socially. She also was unable to follow instructions that the other children were able to do such as sit on the carpet and had and still as a very beige diet.
In hindsight I was really upset and felt she was being singled out but actually having an EHCP has been an enormous benefit as she has understanding of the staff at school, strategies to help her cope when overwhelmed and it has allowed her to access in school education during lockdown which has been very important to her.
My DD goes to a mainstream school. I am very lucky her EHCP was put in place before she left nursery as we would never have got one at school as they dislike doing them. DD is also born late August and really struggled in reception to the point where it was felt that she would be better off in a more specialist setting but she has overcome this and is doing very well in year 2. Her language and social skills have also very much improved and she has benefitted from being around NT children.
I would say that it is not for the nursery or an Ed Psych to decide where your son should go. The EHCP asks you to name your choice of school and you have every right to choose a mainstream school if you think that is the best place.
It is reviewed every year and an emergency review can be carried out if it is deemed appropriate by you and your school if your son is struggling. I hope this helps. Best of luck.

I would also say that my DD was also very clever in some ways at that age in terms of problem solving, taught herself how to read before school, knew numbers up to 1,000. It was more her social skills or lack of that the nursery raised concerns about.

Thank you all for your replies. It is very much appreciated.

Hello daisychainsandglitter - there are many similarities to your post with my mine at the moment and I’m pleased to hear things are going well. I just wish someone would see past the little oddities my son does some of which have just been transient phases and look at his abilities as well. No one has said anything positive for months. I’ve checked out so many schools as well. I’d at least like to try the mainstream setting at least. My son tries so hard and is progressing. I just wish the nursery could see past what they think he should be diagnosed with and look at his strengths and weaknesses.

My son was diagnosed with autism at 2 and a half. He had an EHCP from nursery.

I get where you're coming from about the negativity fit all, it is demoralising to hear all of that when you know your child is so much more. The reason they show the negative things is so that they can get help with those things. The EHCP will highlight a few positive things, but the main goal is to get all their needs met and those are mainly negative

for you, its a hard process to go through, but there is light once it's all done.

Rxkxd - I totally understand how you are feeling. I remember once walking out of a meeting at my son's primary school. He was 4 years old and not one of the teachers had anything positive to say. On the other otherhand Nursery was really good and worked with us to get a EHCP (it was called a statement then) in place. He had this in place in time for turning 3 and starting preschool - it has been invaluable. I would recommend pushing ahead with the meetings

@Rxkxd I do understand how you feel and it's very difficult to hear a list of things that your child can't do or should be doing compared to their peers.
I remember also thinking that DD was just a bit quirky and telling her nursery and that I didn't think she had autism and they went silent as if to say that they were certain she was autistic.
Like a PP said the EHCP shows the areas the child is struggling with so that it can determine outcomes to assist and lists any adaptations that can be made in order to help the child. They are extremely difficult to obtain and can really help a child so I would definitely pursue this although I appreciate the first meeting can be tough to sit through.
You know your child best and as you say they are making progress so please do not let yourself be led down a route by the nursery in regards to specialist placements if you feel your son should be given a chance at mainstream school. I felt very much the same way and insisted that she tried. After a bumpy start I was proved right and you are entitled very much to specify your wishes on the EHCP.
I also now have DD2 who is 3 who is very much NT and now I have her I can really see how different DD1 was in terms of her development at that age. DD will probably always be quirky but she is also funny, happy and clever so even though it may be a shock it doesn't change the lovely person that he is. Sorry for long posts!

I work in a mainstream primary, supporting children with an EHCP.

There is no set standard of ability that a child needs to be at before they can go to a mainstream school. The nursery teacher can give an opinion if asked but she has no power in deciding which type of school your son should attend. If anything, parents tend to be steered towards trying out mainstream as it's cheaper for the Local Authority than a placement at a specialist school.

I've also been on the other side of this as a parent of children with autism. It's horrible when you hear people being negative about your child but in a strange way it's also useful. The biggest battle is often trying to convince people that your child needs extra help.

The staff at my DS' nursery insisted that he was absolutely fine and no different to any other child there. Thankfully every other professional who had met DS completely disagreed and he was given the support he needed.

If you're worried that the psychologist will listen to the nursery teacher and say, "You're absolutely right. This child needs to be in a specialist setting!" - that won't happen. The system just doesn't work that way.

Thank you all so much. Your experience and advice has been really helpful. I cannot thank you all enough. 💐 for you all! Guess I’ll just have to keep going with things and see