How do you make friends? I've never understood and I'm 50!!

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I moved to a completely different area just before lockdown last year so have been WFH since then and not been able to get out and about or to groups/clubs.

So.... I haven't made any friends and am feeling pretty low about it. I've struggled to keep in meaningful touch with friends at my old location, they're busy, I'm busy and they're too far away to visit (when we're allowed).

TBH I have always struggled to make and maintain friendships, even as a child. My brother always found it really easy, everywhere - clubs, school, holidays and parents just said "be more like him, just go and play with xyz"

But i didn't get it then and I get it even less now. Just how is it done? What are the making-friends rules?

I actually get quite stressed about it. I imagine I'll meet someone, start chatting, we'll perhaps go for coffee and then I feel stressed out that they'll want more from me than I can give. Or if I enjoy the small talk with someone, I worry that they'll spoil that by suggesting more.

But I'm also lonely and literally don't have a single friend in this area (and only one or two in the old area that I've not kept in touch with)

OP in my experience a lot of friendships grow in a work environment. Given that you're WFH, have you considered something like volunteering (when allowed obviously)? That way you'll meet people in a 'work-like' environment where there's less pressure.

I'm the same as you.

I never learned how to make friends though. I was bullied as a small child (wrong colour skin in a rural location) and as a teen, so I never had those childhood/teenage friendships where you learn about how to be friends

I'm very friendly, but I can never move past the first stage and make a proper friend. I just don't know how.

I've given up to be honest.

I find I always over-imagine conversations and then get stressed because I can't.

What will I say? What will I talk about? What happens next?

Then I actually interact with a real person and - hey! it turns out that they do some of the work!

I think you're doing something similar - you're running ahead of yourself to the problem that might come up in six steps, possibly so that you don't have to deal with the one immediately in front of you.

Apart from that, I don't think I'm in a position to give much advice... but if you stick to "smile, be pleasant, ask them light questions" you're not going to regret it even if it doesn't work.

I don't know
I find you have to spend a significant amount of time with someone to be friends but that involves people going out together or spending time together in the first place

Well you kind of need the ‘more’ that you say you don’t want, in order to create a meaningful friendship. Otherwise they’re just acquaintances.

you tube has a video by the autistic society about friends... not watched more than a few minutes so can't comment on it yet, but I watched another video by the same presenter and that was quite good.

I had a terrible time making friends until I joined facebook. Not just people you know and relatives but their friends, interest groups and local groups.
I moved to Somerset a year ago and now have about 20 new friends (I'm 59) just from chatting on facebook and meeting up for coffee and so on.
Before facebook it was like getting blood out of a stone.

I have no idea - I've never been good at making friends.

I always thought once I had a baby I'd be able to make lots of mummy friends as we'd have at least one thing in common!

I seemed to miss the 'clique' boat though and don't have any local mum friends. I did suggest at the end of one baby group "I'm off to the coffee shop, does anyone want to come?" and the group looked at me like I had 3 heads, never asked again!

My brother and mum make friends ridiculously easily - it boggles my mind how they do it!

Only two major rules.

1. You show a genuine interest in them and you ask about them. When they answer, you show that you are listening by giving eye contact and responses.

Virtually everyone likes to talk about themselves. You facilitate that.

1. You make them feel good. Lighten up their mood, bring laughter not worry. Bring fun and light hearted ness rather than seriousness.

That’s the beginning. After that keeping a friend involves having things in common, kindness and being reliable and flexible.

No suggestions, sorry. I'm the same. Good luck OP

Join clubs and volunteer to meet people

Then take to next level my invite to dinner

Need to open up and share to bond I find, ask more questions be chilled not needy

They say it's hard to make friends after 30

No idea, I'm almost 50 and although I think I'm a nice person I don't really have many friends at all.

Sorry, that was no help, but I'm also interested in the answers. I've tried the volunteering and joining groups but although people are nice and friendly no one wants to go past the acquaintance level, possibly because at my age people already have enough friends and so aren't looking for more.