Strange story that still unsettles me

[AnotherKrampus]

This happened about 3 years ago but I was recently reminded of it via a very loosely related news story. At the time, due to my background, I was often approached for advice and help from fellow members in a social media group. The admin of the group is a bit of a larger-than-life flamboyant personality and while very entertaining, can be rather autocratic in her moderating decisions. When she noticed that members often asked me for my input, she started becoming very (over)friendly and contacted me more and more. She is a very charismatic person but I had this odd sensation that I was being ‘love-bombed’, although I could not put my finger on it. The interaction felt a bit too accelerated, and she confided to stuff that felt far too personal too soon. She called me via Messenger and began telling me about her last marriage. Apparently, she sensed that her ex-husband had too much of an unhealthy interest in her DD, which alarmed her, as the girl seemed a bit too overtly flirtatious etc. She did not give an age of her DC but they looked about 6-8 years old from the photos she shared. She recounted how she told her husband that he could not take his children on a camping trip without her. Apparently, this led to an argument and he then threw her on the bed and raped her. She fled the home without her children and filed for divorce. Then followed a bitter battle, in which everyone took her husband’s side, including social services etc. As a result, she has lost all contact with her children and by the time, she rang me, it had been at least 3 years without her seeing them at all. After leaving her marriage she was penniless but then met her now older husband who is extremely wealthy. He was happy to indulge her every whim and they bought a house near where her children were apparently now living. She told me how she watched them longingly from afar and no-one in the area was aware of her previous identity. I was shocked hearing her tale and felt uncomfortable, as I really did not know her and those were really personal and disturbing details.

It all felt a bit off though and she seemed to expect something of me without really being direct about what it was. But I was obviously expected to be her latest confidante and sounding board. I have to confess to my relief; she has since got bored with me and unfriended me a while later because I was a bit reluctant to get involved. However, the whole thing is still nagging at me from time to time. I am not trying to discount that there might have been some tragic miscarriages of justice in the UK but it all does seem a bit far-fetched that everyone conspired against her with her ex and that she wasn’t allowed to see the children at all. That sort of draconian measure seems really strange, given that even some very abusive men are allowed supervised contact with their DC. Even in the most acrimonious divorce and custody battles, why would a mother be denied seeing her children at all? Given the enormous wealth of her partner, it also seemed rather odd that she would not use every available legal route to fight for custody or contact with her children. She would post some cryptic, sighing messages about how she only longed for one thing, hinting at her ‘lost’ children on her timeline and some people would post sympathetic messages, which showed that she had ‘confided’ in quite a number of people. At a subsequent call, she also mentioned being close to and having worked for a family member of someone that had subsequently been sentenced for child abuse. She seemed to think this person was set up and minimised those actions. She wanted to meet up and have closer contact but I told her I was too busy and distanced myself. Something reminded me of this today and it made me reflect on what she told me and it all seems really odd. In fact, it feels rather weird that she would move to the same area her children were apparently residing under a new name to watch them. It felt like she may have potentially broken some legal restriction to keep away from her kids. My DH thinks that she may have been the abuser and/or perhaps tried to facilitate the abuse, which would explain why she isn’t allowed any contact. I am really not sure what I am trying to achieve by posting about it here but it just left me feeling a bit unsettled today. Knowing a few people working in safeguarding roles, I just cannot imagine professionals conspiring to stop a ‘loving’ mother from seeing her children. Perhaps I am very naïve and this does happen. I really did not want to hear this story and it's now stuck with me.

In my experience and all the women I know every single parent who was incredibly violent and in several cases known drug user were all granted contact.

Even with DC begging not to have contact mine had to have contact for several years, till CAFCASS, school, paediatricians, DVIP case workers put together enough evidence to show contact was not in the DC’s best interest.

It takes a lot for a parent to have direct contact with their children completely removed.

The lady in your post was definitely not telling you the entire story.

I doubt this is honest op. So clearly something else at Play, it could be anything, but it is a disturbing story which indicates to me she is disturbed. It’s very rare for a woman to loose custody of her kids completely, so it’s potential she walked away

Thank you Frazzle for your insight. I have no personal experience with bitter custody battles but it just felt ‘off’ when she was telling me and I got the impression that this woman wanted to somehow reinvent what happened and get people to validate her as the victim of some terrible miscarriage of justice. I just keep thinking with her financial resources if this was true, she would have access to the top legal presentation. Also, I can’t help think that there would be some public campaign to fight this apparent conspiracy.

Thanks for the feedback @Bluntness100! I kept thinking that I must have become really cynical to doubt this story. And I feel a sense of relief to offload my nagging doubts. It hadn’t even occurred to me that perhaps she had some breakdown and/or mental health issues. She appears a very accomplished person but rather than some big back story, she could have just walked away and since concocted this weird story. That makes a lot more sense.

Op anything could be the case here, there might not even be any kids. She could just be very mentally unwell.

Think of the awful stuff people make up and post on here. People do it in real life too.

I agree that it sounds suspicious. Do you even know for sure she has a very rich husband?

Yes, the wealthy husband does exist, someone, I know went to the actual wedding. The new husband is substantially older but apparently a very kind and decent guy. She did have pictures of the children when much younger and some family members commented with mundane stuff.

Writing all of this up and seeing the responses, it seems a very unlikely story. I do appreciate that there may have been some cases of where the justice system and social services might have gotten it wrong. But it’s often the simplest explanation that is probably true. Having had access to her social media for a while at the time of her telling me and seeing older posts and then complete radio silence about her children, it was a bit odd that in the case of such terrible injustice, no one was actually commenting on this and there was no campaign to get justice. It perhaps is far more likely as some suggested that she had some sort of mental health issue and people are no longer mentioning her kids, as she probably either walked away or is not supposed to be around them. I am really grateful for being able to get this off my chest.

I used to work with a women like this, harmless seeming, told lots of sad stories to get people on side. Very manipulative and sly the story’s she used to tell were just that, who knows what the truth actually was. Her child was taken away at a very young age. She had limited visitation. I suspect that this awful women saw something that she wanted from you and made up that insane story especially for you, she has probably told variations to the other people tailored to them. If these children exist I think it’s clear why she is not allowed near them. She won’t have gone through the courts-I suspect the RP won’t let her near them. Don’t feel bad, these people are frighteningly believable, please don’t give this awful women another thought.

It sounds very odd indeed. Try and out it and her out of your mind, and block her etc. Hopefully if these children exist, they are being well looked after.

Really appreciate the different viewpoints and some personal feedback. I seldom dwell on things someone told me to such an extent btw. But this woman got under my skin by unexpectantly sharing such stuff for it to fester a bit in my mind. Think she targeted me and others for attention and an audience to feed her story. My discomfort stemmed from feeling almost groomed. I used to be far more engaged and helped campaign for various stuff when I was less busy. I don’t think that I had anything tangible to offer but I reckon she liked to make people think that they were her confidante. I left the group quite a while ago too because this woman was becoming increasingly erratic with her moderating, playing off new favourites against old ones. I think I was swiftly dropped because I didn’t react and engage with her to the extent she might have wanted after her revelation. I feel really quite relieved now and even a bit daft for giving it such headspace.