Provisions for children should the worst happen

[WhyDoesItAlways]

Obviously I'm hoping this will remain as a hypothetical situation and will be getting legal advice but just wanted to ask for some advice on here first.

Myself and DP have been discussing what should happen to DS (4) should we both die and I wanted to see what arrangements other parents have made?

We have decided he will go to D-SIL and had a brief conversation with her about it to check she's onboard. We are thinking of setting aside some sort of monthly allowance from our estate to help with costs as she lives alone on a single wage but not sure if this is reasonable/doable.

My family and D-SIL do not know each other and live 200 miles apart. Is there anyway I can try and ensure DS still has a relationship with my family if he ends up living so far away?

What else do we need to consider?

Writing a letter of what your wishes regarding his education etc should ideally be.

Ours included what sort of school we wanted him to attend if he had to be removed from his existing one, what sort of life skills we would like him to have eg home-cooking, good manners.
I expressed a preference for financial education to be taught to him and to be aware of price comparison sites and things like Moneysavingexpert.

The letter also said I would like him to have regular contact with the friends he has now in this current time (for familiarity & stability)

We have our main residence plus a buy-to-let so have said he can keep the second one to live in if needed and they are to sell the main one and use for living expenses.

Don’t know if any of this helps but well done for being so pro-active.

You can express your wishes but it is Social Services who would decide where he is placed, if he lost you both.

Speak to a solicitor about putting property in trust for him. I'm not an expert, but I think you might want two trusts - one to meet his everyday needs, and one for money he might inherit as an adult.

Even if you are quite well off, you need life assurance because it will make cash available quickly, whereas your estates would have to go through probate. You can get cash advances against estates in probate, but it's a hassle you wouldn't want for the executors.

Probate can be very complicated if there is uncertainty about which of you died first (eg in a car accident), so talk to your solicitor about minimising any complications.

Thank you, that's very helpful.

I hadn't thought of writing a letter but will definitely do that. I have some documentation and newspaper articles about my DF who died before I was born that I would like him to have to know a bit of his family history so could include all of that too.

We have life insurance policies and death in service which pays immediately before going through probate so there shouldn't be any cash flow problems while waiting for any property to sell.