YR age child hitting. Teachers opinions?

[iwasmadeinthe1980s]

I've been mulling this over with the (hopefully!) potential return to school coming up in the next few weeks.

My DD is in YR. She's quite an anxious child, she has diagnosed ASD. She's very (ugh) high functioning and generally is coping really well at school, in a tiny class at a tiny school. Class is very well staffed. One teacher, three TAs. She has 1-1 support on her EHCP but the TA is not on top of her constantly because they try to stand back and let her get on when she can, which I am on board with. They are available to her at all times though and generally the school meet her needs very well.

Before lockdown, we had an issue with one particular child hitting, DD and others in the class. Frequently. It was really upsetting DD, she forgets precisely zero whereas other children seem more able to brush things off after initial upset. I have spoken to DD about holding a grudge (in child friendly terms!) but as we approach returning to school (which we are taking to her about now, to prepare her which she needs) and she keeps bringing up this child. How she doesn't like X because she hits and is mean, is she going to hit me again, will she still push me over, she makes me cry etc etc.

I have been reassuring her, but it's got me thinking that I was maybe letting it go a little too much last term and I just wanted to gauge what other (more experienced!) parents think about this sort of thing. I know YR is still very young. I'm also aware, probably more than most, of the possibility of SEN although I have known this child almost since birth and think it very unlikely but you never know. She is an extremely spoilt only child, not disciplined at home except for 'oh don't do that' and rules her parents. She's also a very big child, bigger than the other children (I say this to show she is physically stronger and hurts them, not to rudely comment on her size per se).

All I can do beforehand is reassure DD but if this continues into next term should I be more firm in how it's dealt with? I know they - the school - can't tell me anything about the child and I don't expect them to but I do expect that my child shouldn't be being walloped, scratched, pinched, held down etc constantly in school. What can I reasonably expect the school to do?

Also aware that lots of children will be struggling post-lockdown and teachers too so don't want to make a nuisance of myself.

Thanks for your thoughts, teachers especially. I have a renewed respect for you all after the recent homeschooling, believe me!

EYFS teacher here, when the hitting happened did you speak to school staff about and if so what was their response/plan? I would contact the teacher ahead of your DD next week and let her know that she is now very anxious. This gives the class team a head up if they don’t already know, a chance to put a plan in place if they haven’t already and also the chance to reassure your child and you.

Thank you @Purpleprickles. They didn't tell me initially, DD did so after it happened more than once I spoke to the teacher (who is lovely). She confirmed it was as DD said and that they were keeping an eye on things and dealing with it.

After it kept happening (this was like 2/3 times a week just my DD, there is always at least one incident a day though!) I spoke to her again and said I really was quite concerned that it was having a negative effect on DD and her wanting to come to school. She said that these children are very young and that they're managing the behaviour in line with their policies.

I asked after that half of her to inform me if there had been an incident involving my DD because I needed to know to be able to manage DD (if she's been upset in the day it's much more likely that she'll have a meltdown at home after school). She said she couldn't name names (fine, I know who it is anyway) but she would tell me, which she did.

DD tells me that when these things happen the child is sometimes sat on a 'thinking spot' but she refuses to stay there, she is made to apologise and that she sometimes has to stop her activities and do something else. But that's coming from a 4 year old. She probably is more reliable than most because she usually repeats things word for word as they've happened (she parrots a lot, because of her autism) but still, I wouldn't like to rely wholly on a four year olds version of events!

All they ever say to me is 'we're aware, we're dealing with it'.

It is hard when they are Reception as hitting can happen for lots of reasons and yes the children are very young. However it’s also hard for your DD as understandably she doesn’t want to be hit. I would still raise it as an issue with the teacher as it sounds as if her anxiety around it has increased during home schooling.

I’m sure the school will have a plan in place for the ‘hitter’ which they can’t share with you but equally they can put a plan in place to support your DD. Does she find social stories helpful? Possibly something around what to do if she is hurt at school and who will help her. Sadly they can’t guarantee she will never be hit again but they can help her to feel secure in the fact that they will try to prevent it and also be there to help her if it does happen.

The likelihood is the other child also has some special needs. Maybe as yet undiagnosed. But i would absolutely be increasingly vocal with the school on the impact on my daughter and how they were addressing her needs.

I think she's particularly anxious about it because she's anxious about going back generally (though I suspect once the first day is over she will be fine, it's just a change to the new routine she's got used to) and she's focusing hard on this because it's the one thing she really doesn't like about school, understandably.

Yes @Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a it's entirely possible that she could have SEN, I know most children aren't diagnosed as young as my DD was. But as that's not known at the moment I guess they can't take it into account. I know the parents well they aren't concerned about SEN. They frequently laugh about how spirited their DD is, how she 'knows what she wants' and roll their eyes when she misbehaves in front of them or give her whatever she's kicking off for. I've seen this child shove a toddler sibling of another child into a wall whilst queuing to go in just because the toddler was in her way and they just said 'oh X that wasn't very nice!' and carried on chatting.

@Purpleprickles Yes she does like social stories we do them a lot. I make (very poor!) comic strips for her too, visuals are really useful with DD. Making one about hitting and reactions may be really helpful I hadn't though of that, thank you.

I have taught her not to retaliate and to go to a teacher straight away. She wouldn't hit back anyway I don't think, she's not one for lashing out unless she's in a total out of control red zone meltdown, and then it's only ever me.

but I do expect that my child shouldn't be being walloped, scratched, pinched, held down etc constantly in school

With a tiny class, a teacher, 3 TAs and 1:1 support for your child, I’m stunned these things are happening constantly. I’d ask for a meeting to discuss what’s going on.

If your child has a 1:1 and there’s 3 other adults in a tiny class, how is the other child getting close enough to be constantly hitting her - and pinning her down particularly? Where is her 1:1 during these attacks? That would be my first question. They won’t tell you anything about the other child but I’d be asking some difficult questions about supervision and why my child was being injured multiple times a week in a setting like that. They can hardly claim not to have the staff.

Not a teacher but a parent of a SEN child, in a class with multiple hitters and biters in reception. (By y1 it was far less of an issue and by y2 I heard nothing from my child about it - they mostly just grew up, learned the rules of the class and stopped. Spoilt difficult child used to getting their own way included.)

@Letseatgrandma

but I do expect that my child shouldn't be being walloped, scratched, pinched, held down etc constantly in school

With a tiny class, a teacher, 3 TAs and 1:1 support for your child, I’m stunned these things are happening constantly. I’d ask for a meeting to discuss what’s going on.

Yes this is kind of what I'm thinking. Obviously I will wait to see what happens - it may be that lockdown has had a positive impact on this child, two months is a long time when you're only four - but if it carries on I was thinking should I be insisting on this.

@Nellythemouse

If your child has a 1:1 and there’s 3 other adults in a tiny class, how is the other child getting close enough to be constantly hitting her - and pinning her down particularly? Where is her 1:1 during these attacks? That would be my first question. They won’t tell you anything about the other child but I’d be asking some difficult questions about supervision and why my child was being injured multiple times a week in a setting like that. They can hardly claim not to have the staff.

Not a teacher but a parent of a SEN child, in a class with multiple hitters and biters in reception. (By y1 it was far less of an issue and by y2 I heard nothing from my child about it - they mostly just grew up, learned the rules of the class and stopped. Spoilt difficult child used to getting their own way included.)

This is exactly the question I asked last term.

I was told that they aren't right on top of them 100% of the time and sometimes unfortunately 'they just can't get there quick enough to stop it before it happens'

I was also told that DD isn't the child who this happens most to and that in fact there are other children experiencing this more than her. I was pretty shocked at that. I just said 'well that doesn't make it ok, in fact it makes it worse, but I can only express concern for my own child so can we stick to discussing her please?'. It was like they were saying 'ah she hardly hits your DD, there are other children she hits more what're you complaining about?'

There are roughly five children per adult so the ratios are great! One adult is my DD's 1-1 so technically she is only there for DD but in reality of course she's keeping an eye on the other children. I know they do lots of small group work and in those scenarios my DDs 1-1 will take the small group of them off, I'm fine with that as is DD they don't need another adult too (or I wouldn't have thought!). It's not like DD has personal care needs, learning difficulties or is non verbal etc, she just needs extra support generally.

I’m not a teacher but when my child was biting at nursery (much younger obv and undiagnosed SN) they allocated a staff member to watch her 1:1 for a couple of weeks to 1) intervene before it happened and 2) try to work out when/why it happened

With the staff ratios you describe I would think that could happen here?

Oh don't be embarrassed @minipie loads of tots bite at nursery! They're little more than big sized babies. If we were at nursery I'd have less of a problem I think because they're so much younger. I suppose I was also trying to figure out if this is just par for the course in Reception with 4/5 year olds (like biting can be at nursery!) and I'm making too much of it or if actually Or if I should be being a bit firmer. I'm used to having to advocate loudly for my DD, but I don't want to jump the gun!

Yes I would think that they could have someone 'on' this child too. Perhaps they do and she's just too stealthy!

Honestly - my child hit a few times in reception too. Only a handful of times in total and there were others the same (one or two worse). So the view was, we will keep an eye on it and discipline etc but they are young.

Your OP sounds like much more often however and so I think the “1:1 watching” approach would be appropriate, temporarily as I say to figure out the triggers and prevent harm to others.