I know i'm being unreasonable, and a bit pathetic. This is why i'm typing it out on MN rather than speaking out loud like an adult. Also why i'm not posting in AIBU.
My husband worked most of today, but came in when the kids were making pizza for dinner and asked if there was anything he could do. I was fairly frazzled so asked him to take over whilst I went for a lie down. He asked if i wanted waking for dinner, I jokingly said 'either way is fine'. He took this seriously, didn't wake me for dinner and I only woke at 5 to 7 with 5 minutes to get my 14 month-old DD2 ready for bed, and I missed pizza night with my kids. I only wanted him to do the last bit of helping them arrange the toppings and putting it in the over. I never serious intended to skip everything. I feel unreasonably pissed off with him, even though I know he was trying to be helpful.
But, and this is the hand hold bit, I gave up breast feeding DD2 two days ago - this is only the second night with no feed. I am a hormonal mess, and uncomfortable with it. I don't think he gets this, as he knows i've been wanting to give up for a while so thinks it's all roses and rainbows. Added to this, six months before I fell pregnant with DD2, I went to a 12 month scan to be told that I had had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. I was devastated. That child would have been born on 21st February, and would have been 2 tomorrow. DH definitely won't know this. He won't have worked out the due date like me, and he wouldn't think it very important 2 years (and one perfect baby) later anyway.
And I KNOW that is a meaningless way of looking at the world. And I KNOW that without that miscarriage I wouldn't have DD2 now who is lovely in every way. But oh fuck I am a mess and I resent him so much right now and I have no one to tell but MN, so I'm telling you. Fuck it all.