One for all you social butterflies... how do you do it?!

[Siw2020]

I think I posted about a week back about dwindling friendships in covid.
Have just 2 solid friends (from different stages of life who barely know eachother).

How do you guys manage to keep friendships alive?
And/or make new friends?

I definitely once had a much more active social life/friends and want to do something about this before it affects my mental health too much. Never really had a solid "group", just friends from different walks of life... And lifes just happened/ moved various times due to work (as have several of my once very close-knit friends, including abroad) and friendships have just faded...

Any advice ?

It will be hard to make new friends right now!

Covid has really tested friendships. Acquaintances are difficult to keep in touch with in this situation and these relationships are important too.

I am probably what you’d call a ‘social butterfly’ and have a lot of friends. They’ve all survived / strengthened in lockdown...mainly through WhatsApp groups which are generally grouped around some hobby / stage of life friends (e.g. school gates, sport, book club, work, school, divorce!). I think group chats have been better in Covid just because there’s not much to say one on one these days!

When we are set free, do take up a hobby, you can make some great friendship groups. And never turn down an invitation to go somewhere / do something! Always go as a priority.

And be patient with yourself right now, there ain’t much you can do. I’d say I probably make a couple of friends a year on average....within a year you could feel much better about it.

@hamstersarse

It will be hard to make new friends right now!

Covid has really tested friendships. Acquaintances are difficult to keep in touch with in this situation and these relationships are important too.

I am probably what you’d call a ‘social butterfly’ and have a lot of friends. They’ve all survived / strengthened in lockdown...mainly through WhatsApp groups which are generally grouped around some hobby / stage of life friends (e.g. school gates, sport, book club, work, school, divorce!). I think group chats have been better in Covid just because there’s not much to say one on one these days!

When we are set free, do take up a hobby, you can make some great friendship groups. And never turn down an invitation to go somewhere / do something! Always go as a priority.

And be patient with yourself right now, there ain’t much you can do. I’d say I probably make a couple of friends a year on average....within a year you could feel much better about it.

This is really helpful advice, thank you.

I think I agree/can see how group friendships would thrive more. Certainly the groups I am in are more active but are family/work groups. I dont really have a friendship group.. have 2 close friends (separate to eachother) then a few more 1 on 1 friendships which have vaguely stayed alive but as theres little to talk about/no plans to make its challenging. Work is very busy too (NHS).

What sorts of hobby groups do you mean? I wonder if there is a local baking/other food related or exercise/cycling group. I think book clubs would be too time consuming for me and probably the food/exercise possible too.
I used to go to the gym (to classes) several times a week, either straight after work or weekday mornings which were great for both fitness and more importantly mental health but not for meeting people - they either already came in a friendship group/pair or alone and i have no idea how to make friends in this setting!

I guess I'm part of various groups of friends:

School friends, we WhatsApp every now and then, and have an occasional Zoom call to catch up. In normal times it's rare to see each other together, usually one or two meet up - we don't all live near each other.

Only keep in touch with 1 Uni friend - I tend to refer to her as my best friend. We speak on the phone every couple of months with texts in between - again we don't live near each other. In normal times we'd meet up at least once a year.

In my locality, I've got quite a large group of mum friends who I've known since our teens were babies. We text and meet one on one for walks at the moment, in larger groups when allowed. In normal times, it's usual village-type events, birthdays, charity things, dinner parties, BBQs.

I'm also part of a book club locally, we occasionally WhatsApp at the moment, in normal times we'd meet once a school term, no pressure to even read the book!

DH and I have a large close set of friends (kind of his school friends, which has grown over the years - luckily the wives get on as well with each other as the original friends do!). We WhatsApp regularly, occasionally Zoom, sometimes do a group quiz where each family is in charge of 1 round each. In normal times we go to the pub/lunch, and we go on massive group holiday every summer. DH and I live quite a distance from them, so we need to make an effort to meet them in London or wherever. Totally worth it.

For me, I've been very lucky to make friends throughout my life with people excellent at getting people together, so I just turn up as and when asked! I've got more confident of doing the same myself as I've got older. I think you need to be prepared to say yes to everything, and bite the bullet to ask someone for a walk.

Watching your thread with interest as you pretty much describe my situation friendship wise and I want to make some new ones and broaden my social circles.

I have a hobby which is my first starting point but I have been along to groups before and it seems pretty hit or miss whether an actual friendship will develop or indeed whether I have felt comfortable in them. I am determined to keep trying but I feel like I've lost a lot of confidence through not developing more friendships in general - for example when I was working (now a sahm). I seemed to get along with people but not really made friends as such.

I had an extroverted friend who was brilliant at introducing me to other people but sadly she moved abroad and if I'm honest I really miss her and the social whirl she created and have not met a similar person since. So I'd say part of it is down to luck. Maybe we have to keep joining things/trying things then sooner or later hopefully connect.

Not sure about a gym, it has crossed my mind to join one but more of an outdoors sort of person so will look at walking groups. I'm hoping a ripple effect will happen if I join 2 or 3 things but I've decided that if I don't get anything out of it socially, I will probably keep trying a different group etc. I'm trying to work out whether I have a quirky personality and a bit of a deep thinker but I also think I am quite choosy who I want to spend time with. My hobbies are pretty insular and I would describe myself as an introvert but would love to meet some extroverts to if anything, drag myself out of my comfort zone more.

Sorry no answers but something I am interested in working on.

Thank you for responses.
It seems to me that people make their closest friends at school/university (which is where I made my closest 2 friends too, one from school, one from uni..) it just doesnt help that uni was 7 hours from home and since then I have moved about 3.5 hours away to be somewhat in the middle of my uni city and hometown.

Everyone at work, as amicable as we are at work, seem to already have established friendship circles locally. I have no idea what to do. I have suggested the go for a drink/a walk during lockdown. While its nice, it doesnt feel deep and meaningful.

Even with my 2 close friends when we do have a catchup I quickly realise their lives are so socially active and I am just a part of it, they have other social circles.

There must be a way but I am not sure what that is? I suppose you can't force connections and the best connections I have made were great while they lasted, have loads of great memories from various phases of life but they've now moved far away/abroad and while we drop a line to check in occasionally, i cant deny that our friendship has fizzled out.

If anyone has any suggestions, please do share