One visitor in a care home puts tremendous pressure on that person?

[Toorapid]

So, from 8 March, care home residents can pick one person who may visit.

So, a mother with 3 children has to choose one. What an awful choice.

But also, visiting care homes is exhausting. Whilst we all want to see our relatives, it does take a big chunk out of already busy days, often involving travel and can be mentally and physically draining, visiting someone unwell who maybe doesn't recognise you or who is completely different to the person you loved for so long.

In our family we've always arranged things so the care home resident gets frequent visits but shared between children, friends and grandchildren. So I might go today, my relative's neighbour another day and adult GC another.

If it's just the one relative, would you expect them to go daily?

If you were one of the three children, would you be hoping to be the chosen one or hoping to avoid it?!

In usual times, how often is the norm for a care home resident to have a visitor, maybe our family go OTT?

I don't know what the answer is, one visitor is better than none and I understand the reasons for it. I'm just concerned that it's going to be still be really hard for all concerned.

I personally think it's too soon for any visitors. My sister is a care home manager and covid has just ripped through her home weeks after residents had their first vaccine. Pushing for visits is adding to the pressure on the staff not only to keep residents and staff safe but also visitors.
It's awful and I truly feel for all families in this position as well as the staff who are simply broken.

One visitor, in PPE, who is tested beforehand doesn't seem that risky?

All the staff are tested and wear PPE and that didn't stop it ripping through my sisters care home and the authorities trying to proportion blame onto the staff.
Also think about the logistics, how many residents ? Let's say 50 that's 50 visitors that staff then need to accommodate visits for.
you will get some families who will want to visit daily and others who may only want to visit weekly. It's a lot of added pressure.

Yes it does put a lot of pressure on that person. I hope the situation changes soon.

My MIL is in a care home more than two hours away. I used to visit one every three weeks. My SIL, (her daughter) would go up for a long weekend every two weeks and visit her a couple of times over that weekend.

Visiting every day is kind, if local, but you've possibly made rods for your own backs. I ain't think one person can be expected to visit every day.

I allay think visiting every day is putting more risk on everyone in the home, at this point.

What if it was your husband? Would you go every day?

Hi Toorapid - I’m sorry you are in this situation, I’ve followed your story.

I think it comes down to how close the home is, and how easy it is to visit.

Visits can - and probably will - be very brief. So a half hour daily visit if the care home was in the same town to me seems less onerous than daily hospital visits where hours are open.

However, nobody has the right to tell you what you should do. You work out the balance of what visiting is allowed and what you can do, while protecting yourself and your kids emotionally.

My grandad went into his carehome during the first lockdown and my grandma misses him terribly. 9 months without being able to even hold his hand. She will be in there like a shot and yes she will go every day.

I’d advise to start as you mean to go on. No one should feel obliged to visit every day - people have jobs and kids, it’s impractical. Be clear re. what you will and won’t do.

I have visions of middle-aged people (mainly women tbh) feeling the weight of expectation here.

Just to add- Scotland, Wales and NI have not made any relevant announcements yet, afaik.

Every day is too much, I think.

Care homes themselves may apply restrictions on visits to reduce risks so daily visits may not be an option or if offered may be done on an individual case review of circumstances. I'd suggest if possible that the nominated person if tech savvy FT's other family members during the visit as this will take some of the pressure off the staff too.

No one will be able to visit everyday. Before this lockdown we were allowed one visit a month with my Ma. They allot time slots. I should imagine this is what they will do this time too. The named person is DBro as he’s the closest.

One person is better than none!

I would think once a week or once a fortnight is fine and 'normal' or even generous in usual times. Daily is not the norm for most people. It's usually retired spouses who might do that.

If the person has dementia they will still enjoy the visit in the moment but they will not be aware exactly how often visits happen. They often like a routine eg a certain day a week because that's a fixed event to look forward to. People with dementia do seem aware if no-one ever visits and more so if they did have visits and they stopped but the exact schedule they probably won't be aware of.

If you are the one chosen person then hopefully it won't be forever because it is a lot of pressure. I'd recommend taking photos/ videos of other family members or even video calling whilst you are there to keep others involved and be something to talk about. Also home made cards or gifts. If the person is very confused then maybe a hand massage/ doing their nails, listening to music or a recording as often they can appreciate sensory things.

If residents have had 2 vaccination why would homes deny access and on what grounds

They won't have had 2 vaccines yet and there is at least a 1 week wait to get immunity after the injection so by 8th March it will still not be a free for all scenario.

I guess there is also a failure rate of the vaccines so they won't protect everyone perfectly but should prevent big outbreaks. When all the residents and staff have had 2 doses and are immune I think they should open up again.

Definitely

I work in a 95 bed care home and whilst I think it’s high time visitors started coming back in carefully the endless testing and suiting up of visitors is going to be a huge burden unless further resource is paid for.
We already have to test any visiting professionals such as OT’s and any visiting engineers heating/water/tech of which there are many for our large building.
The booking system will have to be another thing administered along with the already complicated video call booking and carrying out that takes our social life staff off the floors.
I suppose it’s up to the owners to dig deep and stump up some more staff.

We only had one person to do home visiting. The first relative struggled with being in a home so would have daily visits which was very hard, with the other although she enjoyed visits she had dementia and wasn’t distressed so it was a visit about 3 times a week

If it was my mother I would hope and pray I was the one chosen. For all she has done for my I’d give up any part of my life for her. Not everything has to be seen as a difficult situation, I work in a care home myself and have saw first hand what this “no visitor” situation has done to my SU. I think it’s brilliant news her mum can finally visit.

We had a similar issue with DM in hospital. She wanted a daily visitor and got very upset if this wasn’t accommodated. I chose not to be that visitor as it was a round trip of about 3 hours, it was a lot of pressure on my DB to visit daily.

The testing takes a member of staff away from their duties and everyone is already run off their feet.
AND the main problem is the rapid flow tests being used.
This week I took my child for testing ( rapid) test was negative.
I knew it was wrong, I just had a feeling so I took them to test site, same day and received a positive result. Both tests done within hours of one another. So to me that says it all.
I personally think it’s best to continue with the face time and telephone calls/ window visits.
Think about the staff, they have continued to put themselves in harms way throughout.