Think ive ended something for no real reason... how can i come back from this?!

[bradlea]

I think I’ve stupidly ended a blossoming romance because I’m on high alert to red flags.

Been seeing someone almost weekly for 2 months. Speak sometimes in the week but he’s very busy work wise, as am I but I work from home so much easier for me to text etc. It’s largely been me organising meeting though he has traveled to me, suggested phone calls and been wonderful when together. He’s just shit at organising. Bought me flowers last Sunday and generally very nice to me. We get on well.

So, the issue..,,

Whoops posted too soon. Basically this weekend he was supposed to come to mine. It got to Thursday and although he’d sent a short text Wednesday, there had been no mention of the weekend, as usual. So Thursday night I text and say just checking still ok for the weekend and he says he’s had a great time meeting the last few weeks but this weekend he’s got work deadlines and could he call me soon and schedule the next date...

I was annoyed he’d left it for me to ask again and that he’d not bothered to tell me, until asked, that actually he couldn’t make it. So I said I think you’re great and have also enjoyed meeting... but you said last weekend that you’d come over and although I appreciate you have other things on, I’m just not sure we want the same things..x

He read it. Started replying and then stopped. Haven’t heard from him since and now I’m feeling like I was too hasty.

I’m feeling shit and don’t know if I can come back from this ..or even why he’s not replied :(

I feel so silly for acting so hastily ..I just thought surely someone has time for even a dinner in the middle of work deadlines?! If they’re bothered enough about seeing someone. Urgh I’ve messed up haven’t I

If he was interested he'd be making an effort to suggest making it up to you. He's cancelled with short notice and only told you when you've chased.

I think essentially ending something as he is busy is a bit hasty... especially if he has form for being a bit disorganised.
Maybe say sorry you snapped but maybe going forward you could have a chat about how you’d prefer to plan ahead?

You've already posted this before.

I dunno, it does sound like you wanted different things so I don’t think you did anything wrong in sending the message that you did. Always having to be the one who does all the organising sounds like a ball ache.

I agree with others, I would also be annoyed that hes left you to chase it and not made any real effort to rearrange. Once upon a time before lockdown I was meant to be having drinks with someone I'd been chatting to for a while, so I let him know that I was setting off to the bar about 30 mins before (he lived nearby and I had to get the train) and he replied saying that he had met someone else recently that he liked more and didn't think it was fair to meet. I was ready and had arranged a babysitter and everything - more annoyed about the fact he let me get ready etc without saying anything, imagine if I hadn't sent that last text! It's frustrating. It sounds like you do have different priorities and that's fine!

You'd know if he was really into you. Let it go. You've done the right thing.

@LucyLocketsPocket

You'd know if he was really into you. Let it go. You've done the right thing.

Exactly this.

I think you're reaction was correct.

You'd know if he was really into you. Let it go. You've done the right thing.

This. As someone who has made plans with someone else only for them not to show up and make up an excuse when I have contacted them, I wish I had take the above advice.

If you had arranged to meet one of your girlfriends for dinner at the weekend, and you were too busy with work. would you let her know as soon as you realised? Of course you would. Its common courtesy and you would expect your girlfriend to do the same. Don't expect less from a man.

If he was into you, he would have contacted you as soon as he knew he was too busy or he'd have moved his schedule around and made time to meet you.
Don't beat yourself up. You did the right thing.

I agree. You've saved yourself a ton of grief.

You're well shot!

Well you didn't end it. You told him how can you feel. He couldn't handle it. That's on him

I can see where you're coming from but also where he could be coming from. It's hard to know what to say if you don't necessarily find it easy to show up every weekend without fail. Maybe he is genuinely very busy, has other people to see and is a bit uncomfortable with never having a weekend not meeting at an early stage. I'm not sure what the acceptable way for him to say that would be so can see why he might have just left it. You've made it clear you're not interested in him unless he can show up like clockwork which could make him feel that you want him to fill a gap on your schedule. You should really be in the flexible dynamic of a very new getting to know you relationship where not much commitment is expected as you can't possibly know much about what you want from each other yet. If he thinks he's going to be dumped the minute he misses a weekend, he could feel under a lot of pressure. There may be more intense people out there for you but I don't know if you'll be any happier with them as they're no less likely to hurt you.

I'd chalk this up to experience and take it more slowly next time.