Autism without meltdowns?

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I posted this in SEN-children but got no responses so posting here for traffic.

My 9 year old DS was diagnosed with ADHD and dyspraxia a couple of years ago. At that time he fell just under the threshold for further investigation for autism and the dr wrote that he had some autistic traits.

Over the last year I've thought more and more that he probably is on the autistic spectrum. He's started stimming a lot when he's excited (tapping his chest rapidly). He has very intense interests and he lives in his own world a lot of the time, the gap between him and his peers seems to be widening in terms of social skills.

But I spoke to the GP today to see if we could get referred back to the paediatrician who diagnosed him before and the GP was very nice but seemed unsure whether the referral would be accepted as we don't actually have any "problems" at the moment. He's never had what you'd consider a typical meltdown. When he's anxious he cries quite a lot and has occasionally struggled to stop. That seems to be his reaction so he never lashes out, if he's upset or worried or angry he just cries, bless him. But cuddles sort that out. There's no problems at home or at school with behaviour. He forgets instructions quite a bit but that's his ADHD and dyspraxia.

In general he's quite an easy child to parent so I feel like a bit of a fraud? But when I see him out with other children his age I really do see the difference. He's quirky as hell so he'll just start crawling around like a creature quite a lot and he often comes out with stuff like, "I'd really like my own stasis chamber!" Many of the children at his school think he's weird and he'll say himself that he's weird but that he likes being weird! But I am terrified about secondary school and what's going to happen there. I'm a teacher and have seen quite a few children fall apart when they get to secondary and/or hit puberty.

His school agree with me so I'm sure they will help in writing to the dr but I wanted to ask if anyone else had a child like him and if they got a diagnosis.

I think that's a bad stereotype on behalf of the Gp. I teach many children with asd in and Sen school (range of high functioning and some with very limited social interaction skills) and more dont have "meltdowns" than do.

We call them extreme emotional reactions rather than meltdowns.

Some children are very happily balanced and are easily reassured. We see more starting to wobble at puberty though, which is normal for many children. Often towards the end of y5 and start of y6.

Keep pushing for diagnosis

What am I missing about the autism speaks site? ....

Autism speaks are an American “charity” who very much focus on curing and eliminating autism

OMG 🙄🙄

I'm autistic and don't really have meltdowns and didn't as a child. The odd handful when I really couldn't cope and didn't try to control it but I've usually been able to control it, retreated into myself (shut down I believe) or channelled it, these days into cleaning, tidying and sorting. Control of my environment makes me feel in control of my life and I can let go of the struggle that I'm having internally, whether it's because someone else is there who I'm not comfortable with (many people) or I'm overwhelmed at something and don't know what to do.

My dd has never had a meltdown in her life, she's never raised her voice even. She's always well behaved, would never break a rule and very empathetic. She was diagnosed with autism at just two. It is definitely the right diagnosis, she just doesn't fit all the stereotypes more commonly associated with an autism diagnosis.

@hiredandsqueak she sounds like DS2, he has actually been a very easy person to live with and very loveable, the main cause of stress was dealing with other people's reaction to his mild idiosyncrasies not him!

DS2 has autism and mild LDs. He's nearly 24 and has had just two meltdowns ever.. both as an older teen. He shuts down when overloaded and retreats into his world of lists and repetative videos.
I worked with severely autistic children for 16 years and I'd say less than a quarter have meltdowns...and many are quite relaxed kids!

My DC got their diagnosis at 13 and didn’t manifest many signs until midway through Yr 7. No meltdowns as a younger child. Many children find the increased social demands of secondary and the sensory assault of crowded corridors and loud teenagers who are no longer closely supervised as they are in primary all the time to be overwhelming. Puberty plays its part too. There is so much ignorance about ASD - many can’t understand that not everyone has learning difficulties, stims, meltdowns or is unsporty. I think girls, in particular, go under the radar because they often don’t display the ‘expected’ behaviours which are based on outdated stereotypes.

I'm autistic and I've never had a meltdown. Not as a child nor as an adult. It's definitely not required for the diagnosis.

@wbeezer yes dd always appears to be the perfect baby/child/teen as she does exactly what she should at all times. All my battles have been with schools/CAMHS/ Local Authorities to get her needs recognised and the support put in place to meet them because if you have a child who never shows that she is struggling and never makes a fuss it's easy to ignore. My son who is pretty stereotypical ASD was given support because of his ability to disrupt a whole school if he wasn't happy and as a tot would have four meltdowns before breakfast. Dd's needs aren't fewer they are just different.