In the last Yr since giving birth to my 3rd. I've put in about 1.5 stone.
I don't want to use lockdown as an excuse as its not solely that. I'll admit it I like my food. Especially the sugary things.
The baby wasn't the best sleeper and when he did sleep the 2 Yr old would have a bad night. So when I'm exhausted I end up grazing on junk.. Choc at breakfast. Cake 3 times a day! You name it.
I'm now a size 16 and it's been a long time wince that.
However. Last time I got this size which I know isn't huge or anything. It messed me mentally. And I took to laxatives. Each food I ate I took a laxative.
I went from busting out of a 16 to a 10. And I'll admit it now I look back. I looked ill. People told me all the time. They didn't see the pill taking they saw me still eating and even with sweet stuff added
I then met my now dh. And I was happy with my self. And I slowly stopped the laxatives.. Went to a size 12 and maintained.
I fell. Pg with dd and after I was between a 12 and 14. Closer to a 12. I was happy with this. I maintained again as I walked everywhere with dd.
Then we had ds just before lockdown. Dd won't walk far she's nearly 3. She'll scoot but rides too far. And won't use a buggy board. So I'm lazy and drive unless she's at pre school then I take ds for a walk. But that's only once a week.
I can't get out of the food habits yet I hate myself I really do. The bad thoughts of laxative again pop into my head. Then I think maybe starvation is the best way. Before I snap out of it.
I just don't know where to start. I rang gp about my feelings and they just wanted me to go. On anti depressants but I don't want to. Took me years to get off them before.
I feel like I need a plan. Write it down and tick it off each day. But where to start.
I won't say what I eat in a typical day because I'm ashamed if I list it all but today I have eaten 6 chocolate bars! Plus other stuff and My meals.
If stop buying the stuff but the others all eat it. I told dh to. Hide it and he says no because I should enjoy it too and that he doesn't care about my size . But I do but I'm in a vicious circle