Trapped toddler parents: puddlesuits splashing towards spring

[WeSearchedHereWeSearchedThere]

All guardians of toddlers welcome, we offer ideas, activities, and a shoulder to lean on when it all gets too much. We’ve conquered winter, next stop spring!

Continuing from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4105179-trapped-toddler-parents-of-the-fabled-winter-2020-2021-puddle-suits-at-the-ready-hello-christmas?pg=1

Jaffacake we use pritt stick or other branded equivalent. I tend to do the glueing and he uses the glued thing as a sticker. Otherwise he just wants to poke holes in it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4171429-Planting-flowers-herbs-food-with-kids-where-to-start

This looks interesting!

Thank you @bertiebotts that sounds like a lovely way to do it. I do tend to go to her straight away and stick a boob in her mouth so delaying it maybe a way to go. She does sometimes cry out and go back to sleep but very rarely.

@MonkeyPuddle

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4171429-Planting-flowers-herbs-food-with-kids-where-to-start

This looks interesting!

Fab thread thank you! Every year I think 'im going to grow some daffodils' but I have left it too late again! I'd love to grow some veg out the back but unfortunately have a rat problem. Obviously I have rat boxes out but I wouldn't want to risk eating anything in case a rat had been on it

I'm feeling a bit poorly, I had my covid vaccination this morning and am now feeling shivery and aching all over. The nurse that did it said that this was normal and to take paracetamol.

@PinkDaydreams you could put a mini polytunnel over a raised bed or planter - something like this photo. Or do tomatoes inside on a sunny windowsill.

I have 3000L of compost arriving on Friday 😬. May need a bigger wheelbarrow... Also 10 eggs currently in the incubator, but haven’t built a coop yet. We’re a bit Good Life, but just moved to a new house and not sorted yet!

Topically, we went to a garden centre today. I know we’re not really meant to go with kids, but I’ve been twice recently and they’ve been empty, so DS1 can run up and down the aisles outside (I do keep hold of him inside). I worry that my local one is struggling - because they’re open their costs are high, but their number of customers is tiny.

I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow (this is a rare emotion at the moment!) DS1 has been off preschool for 10 days, so we’re going to see my mum INSIDE her house! (We’re in a bubble but have been staying outdoors as preschool is the highest transmission risk for us).

I'm wish garden centres were open in Wales. I went to little tescos today and it felt like a huge adventure as haven't been there since last March...they have new fridges by the way!!!

HELP NEEDED:
I need some perspective from fellow mums. My toddler has become like a devil child since the new baby. That's probably overstating it but very very very challenging. She is also 2, almost 3 so I realise this is all normal and to be expected. But before the baby six weeks ago she was lovely and good company and she listened and did as she was told. Now it's the opposite.

But today I figured out it's only when she's in the house. Outside she's her old self. But outside the baby is in a pram and doesn't require any attention really. There's only so much time you can spend outside in February in lockdown.

Any helpful advice on this? We read lots of stories whilst feeding. I've bought loads of activity books that we do together on the sofa. I play with her any time the baby is asleep. In fact she has more attention now than pre baby. Before I'd be cooking and cleaning and she'd play independently and now I'm a sitting duck.

It's starting to put pressure on me and H as she's turned into a bit of a nightmare. I obviously understand why and empathise but Christ when will it end?

@footprintsintheslow following with interest!! We’re in a similar boat ! The other morning my DH picked the baby up and DS (2.5) said ‘no daddy, put her down, that’s mummy’s favourite’ and I could have died :-(

@footprintsintheslow I think all you can really do is keep giving her the attention and empathising! Do you talk about her being big? Someone suggested to me not doing that - they want to know that they’re still your baby, so the “oh you don’t want that, it’s for babies and you’re such a grown up helpful girl” talk can be counter productive (this was a new concept to me, but it makes sense). Also I got in to the habit of, if I was with DS1 with baby in a seat, I’d call out “sorry baby, you’ll have to wait, I’m with DS1 now” etc - making him feel like sometimes I actively prioritised him over the baby (even if the baby was actually entirely content!).

I read a comparison which said bringing a new baby home is a bit like your husband bringing a woman home and telling you it’s ok, he loves you both the same and he’s sure you’ll be best friends!

DS2 is six months here, DS1 is doing ok. He’s really clingy, but I think that’s a lockdown thing as much as it’s a new baby thing. The second DH gets home, DS1 tells him to take the baby and then he clings to me for the evening. But also I swear overnight on his third birthday he went from ok but sometimes hard work 2 year old to threenager from hell - so it might just be an age thing too.

Watching with interest to prepare myself. Hoping the smallish age gap will play in my favour with this but I hope it all settles for you all soon!

I haven't had this problem yet but I have a friend who "talks down" the baby to her 3yo (in an affectionate way). So she'll say to her DD, "you can do this, but DS isn't as big and clever as you yet so he'll just have to sit and watch for now". Or "you can help Mummy with this, because you're so smart and helpful, but DS can't do this yet because he's too small. What a shame for him." Apparently, her DD quite enjoys "getting one over" on the baby sometimes and she is very loving and affectionate with him for most of the rest of the time .

@footprintsintheslow I agree with @WeSearchedHereWeSearchedThere, theres a 25 month gap between mine, currently 3 year old swings from wanting to be a big boy and a baby depending on how he feels. 14 month old is obviously up and about walking now so is now appearing more interesting to 3 year old but they don't play together as such. Sometimes both want mama at the same time, both want daddy at the same time, cue tears. We are trying taking one each at times to give them plenty of one on one attention. In some ways it's got easier as the 3 year old has got older but more difficult recently as he has entered the threenager phase and DS2 no longer just 'sits' playing with a toy.
Sometimes I pretend to have a stern word to DS2 in front of DS1 so DS1 doesn't just feel it's him not getting what he wants or has done something he shouldn't. I don't have the answers though and struggle on a daily basis with this still too! The older one is still a baby and I often need to remind myself of it and they will still think of themselves as the baby too for a while yet I think.

@MonkeyPuddle that thread looks like a good read, some good ideas there. I thought I was doing well making eggy heads out of cress!

@PinkDaydreams
Hope you feel better soon after your vaccination.

@footprintsintheslow were in a similar ish position to you, DD is 16w and DS will be 4 in June.

I’ve done the same as you, plenty of 1-2-1 attention etc, reinforcing how loved and important he is, reinforcing the positive behaviours ‘DS I saw how wonderfully you can colour’ ‘DS when I asked you to do XYZ you did such a good job and I’m proud of you’ about 20 times a day, just the really mundane things, ‘what good manners you have using the coaster, DD will have to do that when she’s grown up just like you’

Tbf at first he wasn’t bothered about her, then once the reality of me stuck BFing her 20 million hours a day hit home his behaviour escalated and the TV was on too much, which exacerbates it.

So the telly is off much more. I spend 20 mins most nights getting a couple of little activities set up and left out or ready to be popped out when he’s not looking/distracted, I’ll get a toy out and start playing with it until he joins in. Essentially I’m love bombing him multiple times a day for a few minutes.

He responds well to affirmations of family, so we do family cuddles, we take it in turns to get in the middle, like a sandwich and about ‘mummy sandwich!’ Then swap the family member in the middle until we’ve all been the sandwich filling. We shout out things like ‘who’s my favourite boy?’ And he shouts back that it’s him.

And when it all goes to shit I make DP take him out for a run to the park or whatever just to totally reset.

Morning all anyone else feel like they have already done an entire days parenting and yet somehow it's only 8am...

One thing my little Gdd loved, was a trickle of water and every unbreakable cup or mug I could find, plus a teaspoon for each, and some dry pasta - she would ‘cook’ by putting a little pasta in each cup of water and stir. Kept her busy for ages.

footprints baby DS is 6 months now and things certainly took a while to settle with DD (2.5 yr). She has only felt calm and reassured enough to go back to similar levels of independent play as pre baby in the last couple of months. It is so much easier when the baby can start smiling at / watching the toddler - Dd was suddenly much more interested. As Pp we found a great deal of positive reinforcement of any good behaviour was necessary. Other things that have seemed to work are:

• acknowledging her feelings out loud “you are upset because the baby is crying again” “its annoying when mummy has to feed the baby and she cant play with you” also “its lovely when he smiles at you he likes you” when possible!
• not asking her to help with baby stuff - I realised I was constantly asking her to fetch the wipes etc and she did not like it
• allowing her to act babyish when she wants to eg if she wants to be wrapped up in a blanket and held
• remembering how much physical affection she needs

Much like pp really. Good luck - it definitely gets easier.

Oh I feel for you guys dealing with seconds and jealousy, they will get there lots of praise, positive reinforcement and 1 on 1 time where you can get it. And of all else fails just look forward to the day they're running round together causing mischief!

This morning the tuff tray and waterbeads are back out with some fake leaves, dinosaurs, diggers and playmobile people. My idea was for a swamp but ds has spent a lovely half hour mixing them all together ("we need to eat the people" ) making 'rice krispie cakes' and filling up various receptacles with the beads. And I get to drink coffee whilst occasionally helping to spoon some bits around, win. Later we are meeting the friend we are bubbled with for a coffee then off to the big Park near us. It's my dads birthday tomorrow so later I think we will attempt a card making session.

Doesn't that all sound so idyllic and insta perfect written down 🤦‍♀️😅

Hang in there everyone...There is light slowing dawning at the end of the tunnel.

Busy weekend here work-wise, but we did manage to get out for a walk on Sunday. DS spotted an ice cream van 200 metres away (he has great awareness when it comes to treats ) and I gave in for once to spare the tantrum. We took a small dumper truck on our walk and great fun was had loading up stones and transporting them to the stream. DS had wanted to feed the ducks so we dutifully packed a large bag of duck food but we only managed to find two ducks and a solitary moorhen. All three of whom are now obese.

We also made pancakes and mini milkshakes. I need a better blender though - they still had bits of fruit in them and so DS refused to drink his although he'd made it very enthusiastically.

All the ducks round here are obese, ds keeps them stuffed

Can I ask what you feed the ducks please? The lakes/ponds round here advise again best bread.

Taking notes on all these sibling rivalry tips!

@PinkDaydreams. We bought a big tub of duck feed. Something like this: www.amazon.co.uk/Extra-Select-Swan-Duck-Litre/dp/B07DFWX1LB?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

We just put a couple of handfuls in a bag before we go and it's meant to be better for them than bread.

[quote MessAllOver]@PinkDaydreams. We bought a big tub of duck feed. Something like this: ]]

We just put a couple of handfuls in a bag before we go and it's meant to be better for them than bread.[/quote]
Thank you! I didn't even think of Amazon! I've found the trick with our ducks is to go earlier on in the day, if we go after lunch then they're too full up from everyone else feeding them and won't eat!!

Afternoon all.

@PinkDaydreams we use wild bird seed, I find it in the pet food aisle in the supermarket.

We went to feed the birds the other day, they just looked as us like ‘please, no more food’ so we lobbed it in the bushes for squirrels. DS loves a squirrel.

@MessAllOver my DS is like a homing missile for an ice cream van, we only usually get them when we’re in DPs car, keeps the mess out of mine 😂

We’ve been to the park this morning, took sarnies for DS, rebel that I am. Came home when the wind picked up, trying to BF a the baby in 40mph winds isn’t ideal. We’ve had the magnet tiles and dominos out, done some painting in a tray with a ball to roll through it, then some cars and then stomping some animals to make paw prints, was really nice to do together.

DS is currently making a den in his bedroom, god knows the chaos he’ll be making up there, DD has just fallen asleep on me and I keep looking at her sleeping face and feeling waves of complete love. Sure that will disappear around bed and bath time!

Managed to wash a nappy this morning. So that exploded and was an utterly joy to clean up...

So weekend was good, but I was a shit parent yesterday. I'd just hoovered the living-room after working all day, collecting DS from nursery, putting dinner on and running the bath. Then DS started to crumble a biscuit all over the floor and turned out three little boxes of small toys and puzzles so they went everywhere. I completely lost my rag at him and went mental, much more so than his "crimes" warranted .

Ah @MessAllOver we all have days like that, where the straw breaks the camels back. I actually don’t think it’s a bad thing for them to see that we are human and that their actions affect other peoples sometimes. Me and DP had a big tow at the weekend in front of the kids. Was not our finest hour, but we said sorry to DS and chatted about how sometimes grown ups get it wrong and we al love each other