On the edge with my 2 year old. I need someone to tell me it gets better.

[Losingtheplot2021]

2.5 year old DD. Used to spend 2 days a week with grandparents, 2 days at nursery. I work 4 days.

Grandparents now out the picture due to COVID. So in theory she’s in nursery 4 days per week but it’s been closed 3 times due to COVID since Christmas. So that’s been stressful as me and DH both work.

Today has been a planned day off for me. Now obviously we can’t do much at the moment, and it’s pissing with rain.

Totally fed up of our house after 3x isolation periods this year, so I decided to go to the park for DD’s permitted exercise then buy lunch from a little cafe. Obviously we then had to eat in the car as it’s take away only at the moment and it’s pissing with rain. (Before anyone has a go at me for driving to the park trust me it’s necessary due to location).

DD is terrible with food & eating, snatched my food out my hands, refused to give it back, refused to “share with mummy” . This happens every meal, she’ll snatch other people’s food, grab at other people’s plates. If we ever have treats she wants everyone else’s too and has an insane meltdown when we say no.

We drove home with her screaming.

Thought we could make pancakes this afternoon as we didn’t yesterday, DD deliberately throws milk over the kitchen then shows zero interest in the pancake making. So it’s just me in the kitchen cleaning up a big mess while she moans/ throws a meltdown.

We have recently had a tree cut down and got some half circles of wood from it which I dried and I thought we could paint them like rainbows. Got all the paints out, DD paints nicely for a whole 1 minute then deliberately starts pairing the walls, so even more mess for me to clean up.

When I tell her off she laughs. Naughty step doesn’t work, she just sits there laughing.

I’m desperately trying to be a good mum and not just stick her in front of the telly. But it’s just miserable. Everything backfires. Nothing engages her. I spend my entire life cleaning up after her.

When will she do an activity that doesn’t involve trashing the house? When can I eat something without having it snatched from my hands, followed by a screaming fit when I explain that’s no ok behaviour? When will she focus on anything for longer than a minute? When will the biting, pulling hair, scratching me stop?

I am so utterly fed up. I’m actually tempted to up my days working to five and put her in nursery full time, but that is really really not what I want for her and it breaks my heart to think that way. I just want to enjoy my time with my little girl.

Obviously all her usual activities being cancelled due to COVID is not helping at all, but I can’t blame everything on COVID.

I need someone to tell me it gets better.

@BertieBotts - great ideas for activities. My son is 3.5 and I still mainly just sit with him while he free plays - Duplo and things like scooping/making pretend cakes out of rice/beans/pasta are the biggest hits (its soooo easy, I just give him a load of tins, bowls, spoons and scoops from the kitchen). He doesn't do activities really unless they're his idea. Art works best when it's totally free and I have no expectation of a result.

I also wanted to add that I think the non-nursery days are often really shit for a reason. For example, right now, I am pregnant, and my 3.5 year old - who functions very well at nursery - spends his 2.5 days a week with me whining, doing baby voices and impressions and generally driving me a bit mad. But I think that's kind of normal. He's holding it together at nursery and then processing all the big feelings when he gets home. So, in a way, I'd sort of expect a bit of a hard time when she's home with you - it's her safe place and she can tell you how she feels about nursery, lockdown, not seeing grandparents
, etc, in her own way.

Oh jigsaws as well are really popular at the moment - those wooden ones with the little handles, but also some simple cardboard ones with big pieces.

Picture dominoes. He doesn't match them but he likes looking at the pictures.

OP, it gets different. My favourite ages for my DC were between about 15 months and 3 years. By 3, they are (mostly) less anarchic. Until then, they inhabit Toddler World.

Your DD isn't deliberately doing anything. She's a small child who's bored witless - not because you have done anything wrong at all (you haven't), but because all the things that normally entertain her and physically tire her out aren't on offer. All you can do is hang in there and accept chaos meanwhile. It won't last forever. I think it's arguably even more difficult if you have just one toddler, as you are her sole focus, and she is yours.

I'd recommend anything that makes a noise, basically. My DC used to love those things you get at parties when you blow them and a tooty thing comes out. They also liked throwing the sofa cushions around, and sliding downstairs in sleeping bags. They liked mattress slides (mattresses propped up on the staircase). We also had a small indoor trampoline when they were toddlers. Long baths with toys. Bath crayons so they can get the desire to scribble on the walls out of their systems. Playdoh (home made). What we used to call "slopping" - i.e. stand on a chair at the kitchen sink with a load of unbreakable containers and pour water from one to another, while burbling away about making tea. Ditto "clothes washing", i.e. some old cloth and a bowl of soapy water.

FWIW, I am really struggling with my teenagers. I love them to bits, obviously, but I find teenage behaviour selfish, tedious and frustrating on the whole. So you may well find that the teenage years are more to your taste!

I remember when my DD was just a bit younger than yours, and one day when I was pregnant with DS I had to carry her home, kicking and screaming, from the playground, then later the same day I decided to try to bake and when I turned my back and she smashed every egg on the floor in about 2 seconds flat. Then there was the day she screamed blue bloody murder in the park, then in tesco when I tried to buy craft supplies and ended up buying a car washing sponge instead because that's what she wanted, then eventually she fell asleep in the car and I ordered a pizza to the car on the driveway because I wasn't waking her up. I am very fucking glad I didn't have a 2yo during covid times and you have my whole hearted respect for dealing with it.

Anyway DD is 6 now, and generally speaking polite, pleasant and good fun to be around.

And yes it gets better. I think I have recommended the Five Minute Mum book/website for vaguely educational activities that don’t take much time to set up and so if it’s a failure it doesn’t matter.

My 2 year old DD is the exact same. Every minute can be hardship some days. Growing up in a house with many kids I can say it's just the age. There is very little you can do other than be consistent with saying no to (what I call) non negotiables, so pick whatever battles grind on you. For me, its throwing and screaming. Both get the naughty step, which sometimes has effect and sometimes doesnt.

It's ok not to like your toddler. They are shits a lot of the time.

Oh and it definitely does get better.

Look up the incredible years book.

Gives pause for thought and you might find it helpful :)

I could have written your post! 2 year olds are all about pushing boundaries.

It does pass, I promise.

Give yourself a break and put cbeebies on.

No 2 year old wants to paint a rainbow - they want to mix all the colours to brown and rub it everywhere

It gets better.

Hang on

Hang in.

It gets better.

Mine was also hideous from 2-3

He is now 6 and wonderful

It improved by age 4!

I could've written this post myself. That's my 2.5 year old DD right there. I now just walk away when she tantrums. Have stopped the painting etc, takes longer to set up and clean up after her. The best toy is her little dolls house as she loves role play and it buys me some time (to deal with a 6 month old). Just showing some solidarity and sending a big hug x

for all the kind messages.
She already watches loads of TV so I’m not against it, I just sometimes like to feel I’m making an effort rather than just letting her watch TV all day (she would if she could).

We do have a large garden so we do spend time outside in most weathers, today was just totally grim all day so the park trip was enough outside time!

Ha! Yes it does, my 11 year old is fab. Would I go through the toddler stage again to get another fab 11 year old? Not a chance in hell.

Does she potter around with the TV on or does she zombie in front of it? (DS2 tends to do both at different times)

If it's more of a zombie thing I find keeping it for the afternoon is a good plan as everyone's tired and CBA then. But then you have dinner/clean up/bath/bed routine to get started on so you feel like it's surmountable. It also keeps them out of the way while you get on with any dinner prep which tends to mean we have something a bit nicer than nuggets and oven chips.

If she will potter while it's on then I might just leave it on - we do with DS2. I have been trying to turn it off the last few days but TBH it doesn't seem to matter that much and I'm sort of telling myself this is a weird situation. He does plenty of other things so I am not concerned about the TV - DS1 is worse for it.

@BertieBotts generally she’s like a zombie & I have to keep moving her away from the screen as she likes to watch from close range! But sometimes she will potter, but if she’s pottering I turn the TV off and she generally doesn’t mind.

@Losingtheplot2021 I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old and I started 4reading your post and wondered if I was posting in my sleep.
Mine goes from satan to gabriel and back again in 5 mins. I cried today. It's a really really hard age.

Mine is a tv zombie and he loves it !!! And would also watch it from an inch away if he had the chance !! I also have a 5 month old... glad to know I’m not alone ! He’s also dropping his lunch nap which used to be my absolute saviour / chance to debrief for a bit in the day! And he’s so not ready to drop it as the meltdowns are now epic in the afternoon!

Cut yourself some slack and give messy play a break for a while. Making pancakes and two year old shouldn't be in the same sentence!

Maybe let her lead play. Also, would reverse psychology work? I bet if you'd asked her to eat all your food she'd have handed it back. I remember days when everything I did was wrong, so it didn't really matter what I did.

As

Nursery day today, so only 30 minutes telly at the end of the day.